Sexual Assault Feelings After Sexual Assault

[krystina]

WOW! I was told that I have tunnel vision when I got tested.
This doesn't sound great. :(

 

[cherryblossom]

I think in this case, the 'tunnel vision' that Ams mentioned is a metaphor, rather than the type of tunnel vision you get tested for.

 

[Umayjihan]

I definetly can relate to the tunnel vision syndrome. My therapist always used to chide me because I never was 'ok' or 'normal'. Everything was extremes, same with crisises. She says that with the re-introduction of the trauma (my abusive relationship ended six years ago, but he recently moved back to the area and all this stuff resurfaced) I'm starting to go back to viewing things in extremes.

As for the article, thank you for posting - it helps seeing it in print, that these are NORMAL responses, because I'll be honest I was really feeling the 'I'm crazy' section!

 

[Tiffer]

WOW!!!

 

[carmen]

Well I see that I have the emontional numbness,I've always had nightmares now and then. Once I figure out why they usually go away...My new issue is a smell that is triggering a memory..I am scared as hell but dont know why,but at the same time i'm trying to pin point the smell but I cant. This has happened twice now.

 

[carmen]

Well I agree with the article BUT I HATE the way it calls us "victims". The way I see it we aren't victims. We're survivors. Even when we are finding the struggle all but impossible we are still survivors. The article also made me realise something. A few years ago I could have said "Yes, that describes me perfectly" to every single one of those symptoms. Now I can honestly say that I only suffer from one of those (depression) and I only get that now and then instead of constantly. So I suppose I feel quite proud of me when I look back and see how far I have come. Thanks for posting that and making me see my achievements :D

I like that...Congrats! Thas pretty much how I feel. I am a survivor that has overcome some of the worst situations anyone will ever experience in there ifetime. It has made me the strong person that I am today. God has allowed me to struggle to prepare me for what may come. If this is my purpose in life to take the abuse so my kids to be abuse free.....i'd do it again in a heart beat!

 

[cherryblossom]

I am a survivor that has overcome some of the worst situations anyone will ever experience in there ifetime. It has made me the strong person that I am today.

I'm so glad that you have evolved from bad situations a strong person. I think you will be a great asset to this community. I see a feisty woman, with fighting spirit. I think we could all do to follow your example Link Removed

 

[KAT]

Thank Nicolette for this article, It describes the way I have felt for most of my life. Thanks. I don't care for the word victim,it makes me feel helpless. Its one of those words with negative facets. Words, words, words. I love them but sometimes they can be so hurtful.OH as I write this I realize I that I didn't have any words for along time. :D I was a victim now I'm a survivor that is working on getting better. yea

 

[13 and 65]

I fell absolutely in "love" with my rapist when I was 13 and he was 65. He was the only male, father figure, who gave me any sort of affection. Sure, I had a father and mother and I was the baby and the only girl. I am guessing my father did not know how to show affection to a young girl. This man touched me and told me he "loved" me. Since that time and forever, touching and caressing has been a sign to me as "love" Before boyfriends, during boyfriends,with other boys, husbands, with other womens husbands, just any male that would touch me caress me and say kind words no matter what is the way I have lived. I have been married 3 times, had countless affairs, but I do not like "sex". I want the the touching, the holding, the love. At this moment I am inpatient at a crisis recovery center because it has all blown up in my face. Having NEVER connected the dots, I had finally too many nightmares, flashbacks and regrets that I wanted everything to end. I have to work through all of this, but telling my current husband, whom I have NOT cheated on, scares the life out of me, how will he handle all of this. I did tell him before we were married almost 10 years ago of the rape. It has never been completely told because it makes him too sad. I am so so very afraid!

 

[Ryan Carr]

The victim must overcome those feelings. It's for her to speak fearlessly and to fight for her rights!

 

[Lucille]

Loved the article. It's like a biography of my life... I just wish that my parents could read that and the checklist for PTSD so that they could even attempt to understand what I'm going through. They're doctors, and yet, they have no clue. :( I don't know how to help my loved ones to understand because even I don't really understand what is happening to me...

As for being a victim or a survivor. I hope that I will be able to make that transition someday. I don't want to be a victim, but I think I spent a lot of time pretending that I wasn't the victim of an attack. But I was. And I had to tell myself to slow down, to let the adrenaline subside and face the issues in order to find a sense of calm.

Also, I used to be "feisty" but the trauma turned "feisty" into angry. It's a helpless feeling for sure... :help:

 

[Nyx]

One of the first tings I learned while trying to understand PTSD: anger is not a feeling. Anger is a cover for a feeling you haven't yet identified. It is a manifestation that is due to that feeling. Look underneath it. Look what's behind that anger. Look what's making you stay angry. Find it and kill it as soon as you can. Anger is dangerous for many reasons.

Welcome to the forum. Hope you find the right tools here.