Finally Realize I Deserve Better

[piratelady]

So, today was an odd day at work. I received an email from a girl I know in another department, asking if I was dating a co-worker of mine that we both know. I advised her I was not. Apparently she was asking because someone asked her about me. Before you say it...yes this is all very junior high.

Anyway, I found out who it was and was talking to a friend about it when I was informed that he is dating another girl who works in the same company / building as me. I asked about it and the response I received was, "No, we're not "dating" she misunderstood." Normally, I would accept that response, assume I could do no better, and start dating this person. I mean... loneliness is... well lonely. I am tired of being lonely.

This time I actually stopped and thought about it. If he is doing this to her, who is to say he won't do the same to me. I finally realized I deserve someone who would treat me with respect. If they can't treat their current girlfriend (or whatever) with respect, he would not be any better to me and I deserve better. I can say, I have never thought I deserved to be treated well. I look at my past mistakes and assume I deserve to be hurt and mistreated. I think I am finally realizing that is not the case.

I still think of myself as a whore (I know that's a horrible word, but I think it to myself all the time) because of the things I have allowed to happen. But I guess I realize that whether I think of myself in that way or not doesn't mean I should be treated as such. All that being said.. I am still lonely.

 

[Innordinate]

Sorry you're lonely.

Sorry you think you're a whore.

Glad you finally 'realized' you deserve better.

Is is realizing or believing you deserve better? Or both?

At least now you can take that and use it to recognize a possible bad or good relationship when the time comes.

:tup:

 

[piratelady]

I guess I don't know the different between "realize" or "believe".

 

[Innordinate]

Well... I realize drinking is bad for me, makes everything worse. I don't believe it though.

Does that help ?

 

[piratelady]

That does...I guess I realize it, maybe kind of believe it now. I can't say I will continue to believe it long term. Maybe this was a fluke.

 

[Innordinate]

Doubt it. Not a fluke. Just remember.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so sorry you are lonely. But you are not a whore. I hate that word. And all words like it. It is a terrible injustice you do to yourself believing that about yourself. I think if you had some emdr it would change your mind and you would feel better about yourself. It is just anoter form of self abuse. I wish I could give you a real hug and have a cup of tea with you and make you laugh. I am so sad you think this about yourself. It is a big lie. You are you. You had some bad experiences, but that does not make you a whore. You are Piratelady. You have a generous heart and are very caring. Big hugs.