Forgiveness - Is This A Necessary Part Of True Healing From Abuse?

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you for clarifying this for me. I believe you are right. It was soul murder from childhood. They did know what they were doing and they enjoyed it. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. Thank you.

 

[mamachick]

I have survived childhood abuse. Have survived abusive marraige and rape. Have survived many things. I have forgiven my mother, I have forgiven my rapist, I have forgiven so many-and there is peace with that. I have picked the wrong men-I forgive them all.

In 2008, when I asked an officer to escort a houseguest from my home, who was heavily armed with guns, the officer instead stuck a gun in my face, physically assaulted me, said it was an arrest for obstruction because.....well he didnt say why. The officer told me to allow the guest in my room to steal from me. I said I would not interefere but would not give permission-as that is my right as I understand them. I guess I had it coming I hate that MF. I have not slept thru the night for years. I attempted suicide. After years of continuing pain that awakens me, I find out my rotator cuff is torn and I need surgery. I have no use of my right arm due to pain and weakness. I will never forgive him, I am full of hate toward him.

Matter of fact, I think Im gonna start studying voo doo or witch craft. He is a piece of shit with little man syndrome. Officer Will Ward of wheeling west virginia, and his parnter brandy alderman who witnessed and lied. She was only 22 yr old and a little drunk hussie according to her facebook page. She is trying a career in theatre-if you google brandy alderman of wheeling wv you will get a video of a staged robbery. She's a cute little girl, but not as sharp as a 20 yr old crayon. This town is full of corruption and sickness.

The magistrate yelled at the cop for doing this to me-then just called my daughter to come get me out of there, all bloody and exposed. That was after he took me to an alley in downtown wheeling and I was dropped on a backboard while handcuffed (nothing compared to what he did) while I had blood running down my legs and the x ray techs tried to help and called someone even thouogh they are not allowed.

The the news, the cops are finally being charged for raping women. They have been doing it for years. The first I knew of a cop raping a teen was in the 70's, I was just a teen so I just stayed away.

Once I became a therapist, I discovered half a dozen cops between a couple of counties that rape women-I know because I was there therapist. If I did not care about the women I would blow the f...ing whistle so quick. One day I might completely loose it and uncover it all, then the shits gonna hit the fat around here. These cops abuse women like most people change their underwear.

Just because I am a non violent person does not mean I will forgive that piece of shit little man napolian will ward of wheeling west virginia. I dont need any funky ill wishing upon him though really, because I do believe in Karma, and he will do himself in. He wouldnt let his girlfriend go last december, and when she shut the car door, it bumpted him so he sent his buddies to her house where they arrested her and put her mugshot on a public site. Then he posted it on facebook and said "men get abused too". Her lawyer called me. I heard they took his gun and badge for a week. But he is back on the street, his bi-polar ugly face.

The attorneys around here advertise that they will help with civil right cases. They do not. They just get information and then either drop the case, f it up, or give info to their cop buddies. They are all in bed together.

They finally fired and arrested a cop named Kotson. Not because he raped 3 women, but because he drove the cruiser without a license-it was revoked for no insurance I think. Then there was the county guy raping half the ball team, another "hotcop" who had sex with a teen girl. He was only arrested because the girl went to jury duty and told the judge she could not be a juror on a case invovling law enforcement because she was raped by a cop a few years before.

The magistrates know it-they just say to behave or they will spank your bottom. Can you believe a magistrate told me this when I appeared in court. SICK wheeling west virginia.

There is not forgiveness for some. God will never forgive these perps. They can ask all they want, they will spend eternity with satan.

Sorry to rant but gotta say-not close to forgiveness. Maybe when that ugly f*ck is dead and with his maker.

 

[mamachick]

The prosecutor could have apologized for this happening to me. He was a lifelong family friend. The magistrate could have apologized. The chief of police. Nobody did. Now we have a lawsuit. The cop needed fired and an apology-I would have recovered. It is the cover up of this behavior that has left me with ptsd and everyone here knows it.

Now we go thru the legal trenches. But that is how the truth will be discovered. I do have confidence in the jury-as I am a truth seeker and a truth speaker. While I do not ever want to betray the trust of former clients, that is when they all need to come forth. Most are too afraid of the reprocussion-rightfully so, look what happened to me for advocating for them. They have no knowledge of this. But the cop was stupid and talked too much. He knows that I know.

 

[Philippa]

I'm so sorry that happened to you brat17. I've heard terrible stories too about cops behaving badly here as well. My brother had a female friend who was being harassed, and he got thrown in a cell and maced in the face, left without food or water for 24 hours, all for jumping in and trying to stop them beating on her.

The same cops then went her address in the middle of the day two weeks later, and when she opened the door they forced their way in, and tied her to a chair, stripped her naked and took polaroids of her in humiliating poses. I think he said they beat her again.

I also lived with a woman who was chased by two cops one night, to her home. She managed to let herself in before she fell over, and blacked out. She came to, and one of the cops had his whole arm up her!:sick:

Not all cops do this, some are good...but so many are just plain bad and rotten.

 

[mamachick]

I think the hardest part about this has been loss of voice. Dont tell how you were treated, or how other officials looked past, or even possibly covered up what they know is true. You might step on the wrong persons toes. Silence is what they want, expect, demand. I would not be surprised if talking about it does not get me into some sort of trouble or cause further assault.

Do strong men with a badge and gun really need to assault small defenseless women? Patty Murphy is the magistrate that called the cop on what he did. She still did not report as far as I know. But that woman has more guts than any of the male magistrates in the city. She has the only brain in the office of 4 magistrates.

I am sorry that this happened with your brother Phillippa, and these two women you speak of-that is horrible. How many women commit suicide per year due to abusive cops? I tried and failed. If there is a next time, I will do it right. Honestly, I would not be surprised. I can only tell you that once you have been assaulted by a cop and other officials know and no discipline is taken, they message is that it is ok and I dont want to live in such a world.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Brat))) I really feel for you. My heart goes out to you. I am glad you survived. Talking about it is not only getting it out but it is breaking the silence. I hate, and loathe when people turn away and turn a blind eye. I am so sorry for what you suffered and endured. Big hugs.

 

[mamachick]

Thank you so much gizmo. Your caring means more than you know. It is hitting me hard right now. I am not like this all the time. I am back and forth between a nuerosurgeon and orthopedic surgeon, scheduled spinal block procedure and awaiting insurance. While I clearly have cervical damage, now they believe it is the rotator cuff tear that might be causing the pain. Either way, there seems to be no possibility of recovering strenght. It is all very confusing to me as I have no medical background.

Last night I was on a rant about what happened. Today Im back to the realization that I live in a city where nobody really cares. I dont really know that. The shame has kept me from sharing and I have isolated from friends. My former life of friends were upbeat, and when we got together, we shared sorrows at times, but we shared so much more-we shared our joys. I just dont fit in with them anymore. Things like planning weddings, celebrating graduations, births, etc. Its me. I have lost will to live. My neurosurgeon says that I will have to have better recovery from ptsd before he will operate (given my symptoms). He says that people with ptsd have poor outcomes after neurosurgery. I told my T this, she never heard of this and deals with a lot of people with ptsd. I respect his decision-ie, poor outcome would result in high lawsuits and not dr fault. I dont feel like a good candidate at the moment-I am worn down and tired.

When I reflect at the time it has taken to get to neuro, testing, etc. all requiring insurance approval, I would expect I am about 1 year away from surgery (if I had no ptsd). The meds have caused vomitting blood so now I have that to deal with. Referral to gastro for some kind of endoscope. I did not know you could not take Aleve all day long-it helped. Now I am only able to take a prescribed pain med., and this one caused dry eye that I need plugs put in before cornea is damaged-luckily the cornea's have not been damaged yet. Before the last MRI, my bills were over $40,000. I am just tired of burdening my family. I cant even wash my hair without a big production and one hand. Im sorry that I seem to be feeling sorry for myself, when I do this, it only lessons my low self esteem.

I dont like being angry. I dont like self pity in myself. I want to be the woman I was before this happened. I was taking my life back from a head injury and discovered the potential for recovery was good. My T is going to help me get residential treatment for ptsd, so that is positive. My insurance is wiling to consider.

If I ever pull through all of this, I want to start a website for those abused by police officers to tell their stories and name their abusers and any other officials involved with cover ups. Why-because those who report are almost never investigated, so the allegations are not taken seriously. I think that the truth would create public outrage. Attorneys almost never take the case, because officers are protected. Supposedly, in the us there is a 1983 law or rule that police are held accountable-but they are not-and attorneys say that even when proven guilty, there is no financial award , therefore, attorney does not get paid unless the victim has and extra 30-50 thousand dollars to self pay. Also, the jury (general public) almost always excuses cops behavior (unless video available) because they think that cops protect people. Many do, but when its the other way around, it is currently a joke of a system. Awarding victims money for damages (including attorney fees) comes from the city, increasing tax dollars or taking from elsewhere. So it all becomes very political.

I assure you that one of two things will happen, this will either cause my life to end or I will take on a project with government officials that will make a difference.

 

[mamachick]

Afterthought-By the way-Im still rooting for option two-not to worry anyone.

 

[Shellbell]

I didn't see all the latest posts on here until just now, I don't think I got the notifications.

I am so sorry brat17 - your treatment by the police and judicial system was absolutely disgusting and so wrong. They are meant to be protectors. I am so so sorry that happened to you. I am so glad you survived it as well and it's shows your strength. My heart goes out to you for the way you have been treated. Big hugs if you accept them (((brat17))). Please hang in there and keep going with option 2.

The judicial system is always badly flawed, I know I've been there. The police dealing with my court case (kidnapping, rape, physical abuse, forced isolation, threatened with my life, nearly every day for over 3 years), apologized to me for the outcome being ridiculous and not at all a reflection of what occured and wasn't justice in any way.

 

[Shellbell]

I have been thinking about this topic. I think the goal of forgiveness is to set ourselves free from the negative things we hold against another person. I think it is a process that takes time. I think the person doing the forgiveness must be tired of the baggage of the person who betrayed us. Betrayal is one of the hardest things to forgive.

I would love to be free of bad feelings towards my betrayers. It is a good topic, and I have learned alot.

I agree gizmo and it is a very hard topic and one that is a personal choice and will be a very long process.

Forgiveness to me - is about me, not them. It is about letting go of the negative baggage. But I am a really long way from this myself.

I see it as a final step to find true healing, after going through all the other processes that are needed in healing from abuse, including grieving.

 

[mamachick]

Thank you shellbell. I am so sorry that you had such a bad experience too. I did not know that you had gone through all of this. I assume they botched the case. Im glad you are safe now.

I really am stupid. After this cop did this, the bf cried and apologized and felt like it was his fault for getting into this pissing match. I had told him previousely my fear of police but I guess he thought it was a bit exagerated. At any rate, 2 months after the assault, I resumed a relationship with him. He was very very sorry. However, a year later he got fired from his good job for reasons I was unable to accept. I broke it off. By now, he knew I would never call any police for help for myself. When he knew it was over, he forced me to maryland to his friends home. He threatened me and my daughter if I did not go. I told my daughter to get out of town immediately (has apartment at college) but she would not go-had plans. So I went with him to maryland. While at his friends, I attemted to leave and he attacked me. The friends wife took me back to hotel-clerk called police. Police went to his friends and found him with 3 loaded guns and 2 knives.( early on he said he would kill us both if we werent together-things never change) They arrested him. They sent report back here-local. I did not pursue and he has left me alone. I would never cooperate with police-I prefer criminals now. I'm sure I will never date again. I did have a few dates with this one guy, but when he wanted to have sex and I wasnt ready, I did it anyway-then even felt mad at him and never saw him again. He doesnt know why. It was not forced or anything like that. It was my fault because I allowed him to come to my house. Now I dont let anyone it my house except a couple relatives.

Forgiveness- I know it is for the forgiver. Not allowing it is self punishing. I hope I can someday.

 

[Shellbell]

You're not stupid at all. Please don't think that. What happened to you was so wrong and it should not have happened and you were not in any way stupid, you didn't do anything wrong. We are meant to be able to trust the police and I'm so sorry they have taken away your ability to trust them.

But try to remember that not all police are bad. My husband is soon about to graduate out of the police academy and be a police officer, and he would never treat anyone the way were treated. He's a good man.

You are absolutely right, that forgiveness is for the forgiver - for us - the survivors.

But I also don't think that it is something we need to dwell on every day. Its is something for me in the future when I have done a lot of therapy, grieved and I am at a place, hopefully, much further down the track where I can begin to try to heal further.