Further into my freeze. I feel like I’m drowning & stuck in mud at the same time

[PerfectlyUnknown]

I don’t know what to do anymore I am f*cking stuck. I can not make any simple decision at all

I have been dissociating, “sleeping” and in my head bed rotting for more than 10 hours.

I wanted to go into the kitchen to get my already made food. I CANT.

I was looking for private trauma informed therapists and getting confused as some of them look to be inactive / don’t have degrees and was going to ask for help from the forums but just thinking about speaking to anyone about this disorder and therapy is making me feel sick. I can not do it.

I am cannabis dependent and stopped taking it late last night and dropped the amount I take drastically so I assume I’m going through some type of withdrawal? Even though I don’t think I am.

I can’t do anything and I don’t want to. But I’m so confused on what to do, which is the right step forward?

Anything to do with speaking to people or leaving this house makes my head heavy and makes me actually close my eyes and sleep due to mental exhaustion.

The thought of just doing something that I clearly want eating and either coming back to bed or going on the pc. I refuse to do it. I just don’t see the point in doing enjoyable things if I’m going to end up RIGHT back to where I was before I did it.

I don’t know what’s happening

Update:
I posted this on another forum and since then I have ordered a cold iced drink. One of my favourites.

It’s calmed the storm for now but please reply if you have been in this position before. I don’t want to keep going through it.

Somebody is inviting me back to a place where people also deal with their mental illness issues but I am scared I will purposely f*ck up any dynamic if I choose to say yes. I also keep on venting like this, my diary is just filled with me spiralling vents. & I feel as though my issues are not as bad as the others I have read about.

 

[Survivor3]

Hello @PerfectlyUnknown ,I'm around to chat for a while if you like. I've had thoughts and days like that before.

 

[PerfectlyUnknown]

Y

Hello @PerfectlyUnknown ,I'm around to chat for a while if you like. I've had thoughts and days like that before.

Yes please

 

[Survivor3]

Whats on your mind? Are you having trouble doing things?

 

[parrotthepolly]

I feel the exact same way with the freezing and I've almost completely given up and since you're reaching out seems like you'll have a chance at least.

Being stuck in your thoughts mess with your mind in unimaginable ways.

 

[PerfectlyUnknown]

I feel the exact same way with the freezing and I've almost completely given up and since you're reaching out seems like you'll have a chance at least.

Being stuck in your thoughts mess with your mind in unimaginable ways.

I seriously don’t know what to do about it and it’s messing with my mind. The only thing that “helps” is being intoxicated.

 

[Movingforward10]

I seriously don’t know what to do about it and it’s messing with my mind. The only thing that “helps” is being intoxicated.

Yeah, numbing your way out of it is a strategy a lot of us have/had used. Not the healthiest by far and learning better healthier ways will help. But, it's very hard to do that when you're stuck in the state that you are.

Tiny tiny tiny steps forward. Sometimes the frustration and deep need for it all to go away and be sorted already can place additional pressure on yourself.
MAking tiny tiny plans and readjusting might help. Maybe it's brushing your teeth is all that can be achieved today and maybe that is ok for today. Whatever tiny bit of self care that you can give yourself that doesn't feel too unachievable and too overwhelming. And being proud of yourself that you achieved that, rather than focusing on all the other stuff that hasn't happened today.

It's awful being in this state.
I'm fighting my own version at the moment.
People on here have a lot of good advice and understand. That helps a lot.