Getting by socially - Nothing positive to talk about

[TheAffectee]

Does anyone else have trouble starting or keeping any kind of social interaction going?


I spent my twenties overcoming crippling social insecurity and learning to interact with people at all. For a while I managed to keep some kind of social circle going. Then some moves, Covid, work related burnouts, and social withdrawal happened.

Now I've been isolated from social interaction, and having no interests, for so long that I have nothing to talk about anymore. Wearing a social mask is heavier than ever.

When talking with friends I'm silent 99% of the time, only opening my mouth enough to keep them talking about whatever they feel like.

The rare times I end up in a conversation with someone I don't know well, I need to pretend I've read something interesting or played something recently just to have talk fodder to throw at them.


Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you manage socially?

 

[parrotthepolly]

I've also been isolating for a while that there's nothing for me to talk about. Not that I have friends to hang out with anyway, all the old timers seem to have disappeared, including me.

 

[whiteraven]

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you manage socially?

Oh yeah. I only recently came to understand that the only reason I was doing the whole social thing was because we are "supposed" to. So I stopped. It's much easier now.

 

[TheAffectee]

The thing is, I like social interaction with people I get along with and I miss being able to go out to see people.

Unfortunately, sociability is a thing that takes constant effort and upkeep. Not just the relationships, but the social skills and what you talk about as well. Once you fall off the treadmill it's exceedingly difficult to get back on it again.

If you don't have an existing social circle that regularly meets and invites new people, it's difficult to make new friends or lovers.
If you never do anything, you won't have much to talk about even if you happen to strike a conversation with a stranger.
Sharing too much about your troubles is counter-productive in most cases too. I've experienced that talk about negative stuff needs to be severely limited to not be a downer or energy vampire, even between close friends.
Opportunities in other areas of life dwindle as well, when you don't know someone who knows someone.

Isolation, loneliness, and depression is a negative spiral that feeds on itself. Just finding the energy to search for opportunities to break out of it is exhausting.

 

[user56652]

The thing is, I like social interaction with people I get along with and I miss being able to go out to see people.

Unfortunately, sociability is a thing that takes constant effort and upkeep. Not just the relationships, but the social skills and what you talk about as well. Once you fall off the treadmill it's exceedingly difficult to get back on it again.

If you don't have an existing social circle that regularly meets and invites new people, it's difficult to make new friends or lovers.
If you never do anything, you won't have much to talk about even if you happen to strike a conversation with a stranger.
Sharing too much about your troubles is counter-productive in most cases too. I've experienced that talk about negative stuff needs to be severely limited to not be a downer or energy vampire, even between close friends.
Opportunities in other areas of life dwindle as well, when you don't know someone who knows someone.

Isolation, loneliness, and depression is a negative spiral that feeds on itself. Just finding the energy to search for opportunities to break out of it is exhausting.

I try to be social but it's hard. I'm Neurodivergent so my outlook is frazzled. When it comes to work I'm fine because of the officialness but small talk is a nightmare.

 

[rattiestbird]

I need to pretend I've read something interesting or played something recently just to have talk fodder to throw at them.

Do you not read or play things anyway? What hobbies do you have? How do you spend your time when things are manageable?

You say you have no interests. Do you just sit in a dark room and wait for time to pass? I mean, maybe you do, but I would think that's something that should be worked through, and is a bigger issue even than the lack of social interaction.

What have you done since you posted this?

 

[captain jigglypuff]

I get social anxiety sometimes due to my autism making me socially awkward. I don’t have much of a social life or many friends. I mean I want to make some friends and have people to hang out with but I have trouble being comfortable around new people and situations.

 

[rattiestbird]

I get social anxiety sometimes due to my autism making me socially awkward. I don’t have much of a social life or many friends. I mean I want to make some friends and have people to hang out with but I have trouble being comfortable around new people and situations.

I used to be like that too, Jigglypuff. Maybe for different reasons.

I am also autistic and used to be so worried people were just pretending to like me, or didn't want to talk to me or hang out but were too polite to say so, because I can't read people at all.

I still can't tell if that is the case ever, but around my second year of uni I changed my mindset on it. People are grownups, and very capable of making excuses if they want to be out of a conversation or don't want to hang out. I just let them manage their own selves, and put myself out there regardless. I am much more outgoing now I stopped trying to understand people's intentions; people generally seem to like me now and I have friends that I do stuff with.