First of all, generally speaking, from experience, it may well be both therapists were/are not suitable for you to trust enough to open up the ways you would like to learn. In my country you can try out several therapists for five sessions each before you decide to go with them. I took that to extremes in finding mine... Despite five sessions seem a lot, you really find out how much "trust potential" there is somewhere further down the road... Guess what I'm saying is, don't settle with less, if you can't trust them and if trust does not build with time and sessions for months and months, don't hesitate to find another therapist, if you can.
Having said that, you do not need a therapist to feel and let emotions out. You can do this at home, alone, wherever, whenever, generally speaking.
This may sound simple but I had to realise its worth at a certain point: Feeling the emotions comes before expressing them. If you do not feel them, you can hardly express them, as you need to identify them to put them into words. As regards expressing them by e.g. crying, you also need to feel them...
What I had been doing for years was doing all I could not to feel them, some of them anyways. Or I would not make the connection in avoidance mode. I would, e.g. watch a sappy movie and cry my head off "pretending" to my inner self it was the movie I was crying about, the poor character, etc. But it wasn't the movie. I used sappy movies to help me cry. I kept the connection between the tears being cried for my pain away from my conscience as much as I could. Had I confronted that at the time, I would have crashed severely.
Can you set a time (e.g. 2 pm) each day (plan around this) when you will sit in a specific place (e.g. favourite arm chair) and do not do anything but sit for a certain period of time (start of with little time, e.g. one minute, gradually increase to at least 15 minutes at a time). My experience with this, IF PRACTICED REGULARLY OVER A PERIOD OF MONTHS, is that your mind will slowly, gradually give up "protection methods" like racing thoughts (yes, they can be coping mechanisms) and you will be more there in the present. When you let thoughts come and go and do not provide for new thoughts (e.g. by reading a book while in that arm chair), eventually, there will be no more thoughts to process. After a while of practicing, you will also not be distracted anymore by objects around you because you've looked at them so much you have no interest anymore... It all boils down to: eventually, you will be left with your emotions, they will become louder because thoughts and outside influences will become quieter. The next hurdle then is to not run away, but keep at it. And the worst part is: feel the emotions. Who wants to hurt? Who wants to feel emotions that have been suppressed for years? Nobody. There is NO way around feeling... Nobody can do this for you... Somebody can be there with you, but you will need to do the actual feeling....
When I started feeling the pain from my child sexual abuse at age 19/20, all I could do was feel and cry. I could not word any of it for weeks. Feeling the emotions was more than enough at the time. And that's okay. What I'm trying to say is, be kind to yourself. It's a step by step thing, in my experience.
I hope you will find a way to dare to feel.
