Getting over fears and related reactions?

[SeekingAfrica]

There is a LOT I have gotten over from when I first got PTSD.

However there are things I understand, I have analyzed and talked about... there are certain reactions connected to childhood trauma I just never get over. Even when I go through something and it's fine, more than once, it's like my brain doesn't care at ALL. I keep reacting the same way over and over.

I mean I'm not sure I've coped m7ch better with that trauma itself, it's more of either being so distraught I can't cope, or it's like it's so deep in me that I never think about it. But I'm living with it the best I can.

Maybe not all can be solved. But practical ones should be possible, not my mind acting like I have no long term memory.
Any ideas or stories of how you get over deeply ingrained fears?

 

[arfie]

this is another one i have handed over to radical acceptance. my strictly personal summary is, "there is no cure for the common me."

when i started psychotherapy in the early 70's "inner child" theories were the cat's meow. i bit and i am kinda sad that the theories have fallen out of fashion. before they fell out of fashion, those theories had grown to include, "parenting the inner child." i bit again. one of my more hateful flashbacks was of mini me hiding in a closet wearing a bloody skirt, terrified beyond tears. instead of hating on that terrified child, as was my long habit, i began offering her compassion and care. coaxing her out of that closet took years. i wasn't able to accomplish that without unconditional love and acceptance. you are fine, just the way you are. all you need to change is your skirt.

loving myself, warts and all, remains a challenge, but the gain is worth the pain. i have much more love to give away when i love myself, psychoticks and all. those psychoticks respond to love and acceptance far more than they ever responded to hate and rejection.

 

[nayayar3]

Hi. I had the same fears. It helped me to walk in small steps: I notice the trigger, do a slow breath of breath and say to myself «I’m safe»; I write down what happened, what feeling and what calm thought I want to put instead of old; gradually face fear together with therapist through slow exposure. Not everything will go away at once, but even a small relief is a victory. You are not alone.

 

[Friday]

Any ideas or stories of how you get over deeply ingrained fears?

10,000+ times. Deliberately. And still expect some echoes.

Even when I go through something and it's fine, more than once, it's like my brain doesn't care at ALL.

Because it shouldn’t.

Consider it this way….

- If someone has gone to a bank their entire lives, hundreds/thousands of times and ONE TIME there were bank robbers who killed a bunch of people, and raped a few, before setting the bank on fire… they shouldn’t have PTSD, right? Because of all the times the bank was fine?

- If someone went to bed over 5,000 times perfectly normally, but when they were 14 their house burned down while everyone was sleeping, they shouldn’t have PTSD, right? Because it was only ONE TIME that they went to sleep and woke up to hell as people screamed to their deaths?

- If someone has had sex tens of thousands of times, being raped ONCE shouldn’t make sex difficult, right???

When something NORMAL is made wrong/abnormal? The brain REACTS. Big time so you’ve done xyz more than once after? Pfft. The live-or-die ONCE carries faaaaaar more weight than the zillion no-big-deal times. For good reason.

But practical ones should be possible, not my mind acting like I have no long term memory.

Absolutely possible.

But it doesn’t happen by WANTING it.

It happens by doing it.

A lot.

Like 10,000 times, a lot.


^^^^ The 10,000 thing? Is the average/mean number of times to master ANYTHING. From playing a musical instrument to lifting a fork to your mouth. The more “simple” a task is? (Like lifting a fork) the MORE number of times is expected. Like “most” stroke victims / toddlers only require 10,000 repetitions. Some? Require 75,000, or 150,000… whilst a few only require 5,000 or 500. Doing something 6 or 12 times and not executing it as you wish? Is a super fit/healthy/young-adult who is already a master at everything “else” but is attempting a new thing… kind of bias. Mastery? Takes seeeeeripus time. Trauma only compounds the time needed, as there is a major NOPE! (Like rape, robbery, etc.) tipping the scales.

If you do the wanted thing ONCE a day? That means 10,000 times = 27 years. Most people with PTSD remaster all the f*cked-upped-wrongness in a fraction of that time. Flickering through thoughts hundreds/thousands times per day. Acted/partially acted upon dozens of times per day. Actually full bore set against… here and there. So you? Are “allowed” to gripe… in 27 years. IE it will take you a whoooooole lot LESS time than that to remaster whatever you’ve set your sights on. A few months/years. At most. To reach the 10k mastery.