Relationship Girlfriend With Ptsd Avoids Me - When Do I Give Up?

[HopelessBoyfriend]

Quick response: yes, we video chat. And I don't think she married just based on how much we talk.

I was just trying to be reliable for her, I guess.

 

[Iwanttolovehim]

Well looking at this from both sides of the spectrum, you are being treated very unfairly!!! If she is being honest then her disorder is completely untreated and she is being very unstable and hurtful! If she isn't being honest (which I hate to say but I think its very possible) then she has been trying to manipulate you for one reason or another. Either way I think you should walk away, move on and focus on more positive things in your life :)

<It is not necessary to quote the post directly above your reply. Thanks Amethist>

 

[HopelessBoyfriend]

Well, she is a very positive part of my life, I love talking to her (honestly). I should add, as a point of slight embarrassment for her, that she only sought professional help 5 or 6 months ago because she was so disappointed with her inability to fulfill my needs. I've been waiting those 5 or 6 months for improvement, but maybe it takes longer?

 

[Lucycat]

Hi,
I have only just stumbled upon this thread and it makes me so sad.
You are devoting so much time and energy to this girl, and she is just lying to you. Yes, your first post had me thinking that she could be married. The idea that she is a Mental Health Worker astounds me, as I would expect compassion and understanding from her - PTSD or not.

I have PTSD. I would never dream of treating a fellow human so appallingly. She is taking all the time, but not giving.

I should add, as a point of slight embarrassment for her, that she only sought professional help 5 or 6 months ago because she was so disappointed with her inability to fulfill my needs.

I took a long time to seek professional help too. But that is NO excuse.

I am sorry, you sound such a loving caring chap, but I think she is using you, and I must say, tarnishing the reputation of PTSD sufferers all round. If she works in Mental Health she should know better. I rather suspect she does not...

 

[HopelessBoyfriend]

Well, maybe... I mean, it's hard to keep a lie going for such a long time. I mean, I can call her office, talk to the secretary, and get transferred to her. Her title and position are real, at least. And, yes, I know where she works, but I'm not going to just show up... seems like a recipe for getting arrested.

 

[Sterre]

And, yes, I know where she works, but I'm not going to just show up... seems like a recipe for getting arrested.

And why would that be a recipie for getting arrested? As you claim you are het boyfriend, and she is your girlfriend, it is perfectly normal to visit your "girlfriend".
I have a feeling you are pulling our legs here...
It is not possible for you to be this naive, you must be playing some sort of game here with us or something.

This is not about a possible PTSD problem anymore, this is about you and a supposed girlfriend that you have never met, and that you cannot visit because you have never met her?

I suspect you are wasting your and our time here.

 

[HopelessBoyfriend]

Geeze... I didn't mean to get slapped down so hard. I just figured it would be inappropriate seeing as she works in a mental health building. An unannounced arrival just didn't seem like a good idea especially if it's going to cause her to have a panic or anxiety attack.

 

[Lucycat]

Where better to have a panic attack than in a 'Mental Health Building'? All the support necessary at your fingertips. The unannounced arrival sounds like the perfect solution.

 

[HopelessBoyfriend]

You don't think that would embarrass her? Maybe even compromise her career? Her co-workers certainly don't know of her condition.

 

[Lucycat]

She is leaving you with very few options. I rather feel this is a matter of calling her bluff.

She manages in her workplace every day, with people you describe as possibly dangerous. Why should meeting her boyfriend cause her any embarrassment? If she is prone to panic and anxiety attacks and has kept this from her colleagues then she is very much in control.... and why has she not told them? It sure as hell should not be because of stigma. She should be breaking down those barriers not creating them!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

You don't think that would embarrass her? Maybe even compromise her career? Her co-workers certainly don't know of her condition.

Sorry, but I've gotta yell.

YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!!!

If her PTSD is SO bad that simply meeting you would cause a panic attack, it is practically GUARANTEED that her co-workers know.

Either she is playing you, or you are playing us. I really can't believe you are THAT naive!

This thread is maddening. You come here for advice and don't want to listen to the advice you're given. I hate to break it to you, but we know more about PTSD than you do as we either have it ourselves or actually know someone with it (as in, know in person).

This thread is upsetting me, too. As another poster has already stated, this is my last post. I will not be back.

 

[amethist]

Hi

I cannot remember how long ago you said you had met this girl on line, but have been reading most of your posts and replies here. So now I am going to give you my take on this from a female and supporters side, as if it were me in your situation, except by now I would have walked away a long time ago.

If I met some one on line and they gave me the wrong home address, I would by now assume they also told me the wrong work place too.

I would be also wondering if they were married in along term relationship and just stringing me along, no matter what they said, or excuse they gave.

After so long of putting off meeting, (It would not have gone on so long for me), I would have told them to forget it. No matter how it would effect them or how they would feel, as they obviously dont care how thier actions are effecting me.

Being dangled on a string like this is no way to hold a relationship up, which to be honest there is no relationship there, just an online and phone friendship, nothing more.

I would feel like a puppet after just a few months, weeks even, with my strings being pulled when and how they liked.

So maybe it is now time for you to take the strings and cut them, permanently, before you loose more than you dignity.

This may sound harsh, but from what other supporters and sufferers have told you, it is now time to move on. Stop being so clingy and get on with your life in a way that makes a difference with someone who can make a difference to yours. Not an image of what could be, when it is obviously not going to be, no matter how long you wait with this girl.

She is stringing you along. Constantly, and you are letting her.

Amethist