Giving Birth After Sexual Assault

[seekingstability]

Just to be clear - I'm not pregnant due to a sexual assault. I was sexually assaulted at different periods throughout my childhood - the last incident when I was 17. I'm 31 now and happily married to an amazing man and we are expecting our first child.

I'm preparing for the birth of our little man and have been reading anything I can get my hands on in relation to natural/calm birthing and have decided that this is what I would like to attempt.

I'm interested to hear from those of you who have experienced sexual assault and later given birth. Particularly whether your sexual assault impacted on your labour at all. I've read that we can sometimes have flashbacks/dissociate and strong body memories and would like to ask some questions on this.

THANKS!

 

[Friday]

Not it!

I had a wicked gnarly labor (I was too set on natural birth, missed an emergency sect by a hair, because, yep. Meds fixed everything in less than a minute)... But was absolutely fine / no PTSD stuff through it at all. Which was nice. I have been pregnant via rape, and had late term miscarriage, and pain is my #1 trigger for all my military stuff... So it was a nice suprise after the fact. (I hadn't even considered that something might twig until I was asked later if anything had. And then it was like "Oh. Duh. It totally should have, huh?").

 

[a3a2]

No flashbacks during labor for me. The pain kept me pretty focused for two births, and the drugs kept me pretty relaxed for others.

I highly recommend the epidural!!!

 

[Deleted member 19804]

I don't have any experience in this matter, but I just wanted to say congratulations on the pregnancy! I hope everything will go well for you and the little man. :)

 

[catjudo]

Been there, done that. I was really worried that I would check out or dissociate during labor and not be able to participate and do what needed to be done. In the end it was all okay.

I attempted to work with a hypnotherapist late during my pregnancy when some of my concerns and fears really started to set in. I only saw him a couple of times...the concept might have been helpful if I had been more comfortable with the actual therapist. He kind of gave me the creeps, just wasn't comfortable with him and didn't go back. At the time I felt defeated and didn't have the time or energy to find a different hypnotherapist in my area.

I made sure that my doctor (actually, all the doctors in his practice because I didn't know which one might end up on call and delivering my baby) knew that I had a long trauma history and that I had some concerns about dissociation during labor. The biggest thing that really helped me was having confidence in my then-husband to know what I was comfortable with, what would upset me and helping to keep things as much in my comfort zone as possible. ie if a nurse was done checking me, making sure that I was recovered with a sheet right away and not just left exposed; being the one to run interference and making all family members wait outside of the labor/delivery room, etc.

In the end, the only time that anxiety was even sort of an issue was when there were some medical issues that made that anxiety appropriate...nothing related to my trauma. The doctors and nurses did a great job of being supportive and understanding. My husband did a great job of staying on top of things and reassuring me.

My "baby" is 9½-years-old and I know there are others here who have experienced childbirth since I have. But if you have specific questions, I will try my best to answer them for you.

 

[Mystery]

Paidfor, congratulations on the joy of being pregnant first! Imho, we birth as we live. Our bodies do indeed hold and store body memories and you are right to be thinking of how your past will affect your body's letting go of your baby. I had 3 homebirths ala natural, no drugs etc after a history of childhood physical and sexual abuse before age 5. I had long labours but it was just the way my body did things. Everyone is so different. I imagine that if you have bonded to a good man and managed to get past all that you had to, to do that, then you are well on your way to having a birth experience that you will handle.

If you stay empowered during your pregnancy and you make a birth plan that goes with your values of doing it naturally and calm, then you have the chance that you will feel things during labour and after the birth, that are new and different. The main thing to remember is that millions of women have gone before you in this and that you can do it too. Having a calm, natural birth is most likely the best thing you can do for yourself in the situation. One where you and your partner are in charge and the people there are there to help you's. It's important to have faith and trust in your birth attendants when you give birth naturally. It hurts and when it's your first time you just aren't sure if you can handle it when it gets to the strongest part. Having someone with you that has been through the experience of giving birth naturally makes it much easier to trust when they say, 'it's ok, you can do it, just breathe'. It doesn't sound as believable when a male doctor says it, say for example.

The other side of the coin and the really good part is that giving birth is such a healing experience. When I roared my babies into the world, at the part when their head came out, I felt connected to something ancient. I felt like I had been initiated into a world of fear and pain and came out the otherside with the reward. That was a good preparation for what was to come for the next 20 years, rearing children. Birth was meant to hurt, it makes us strong women, partners and mothers. It's an opportunity to trust and admire your body too, for how incredibly amazing it is, to make this human being, then support it purely with your milk. Best wishes and trust your body, it is a truly amazing thing. :)

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I can't respond to your specific concerns, but I wanted to say congratulations. I also wanted to say that birth plans don't always go the way you plan so be open to the unexpected. I didn't have a lot of specific plans for my birth, but I ended up having a c-section with my first. Best of luck with your experience.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Not only did it not bother me, it was the first time in my life I felt appreciation and love for my body. Realizing how miraculous and powerful we women are brought healing to many parts of my damaged spirit that I never knew I had.

Trust yourself. You will be able to handle anything that comes up. For many of us, the birth of our babies makes all the creeps in our past become completely insignificant in the wonder that is childbirth.

 

[ghotiff]

I'm sorry to be the one with the negative story.

My birth was horrible and I would not have had any more children if I could not have guarenteed a c-section. I wish someone had supported me with my unspoken wish for a c-section for my first child. I went along with the standard thinking that natural is best, but it wasn't for me.

I now know that I have PTSD type issues, and I know more about how they work (and I have a T )....I wonder if things would have been different if I had known this then. I went into a freeze response during labour, no one noticed (my body still pushed) and after I had no words or way to explain it to anyone. It was only in reading this post now that I realize that this is the label for that part of what happened.

If you would like more detail, please feel free to ask.

From the posts here it seems that I am in the minority, so please feel free to ignore my story.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@ghotiff - My birth experience wasn't great, but I never went through labor. Never even felt all the contractions I was having (no reason why either). I am sorry that you did not have a good experience.

 

[BloomInWinter]

My first birth was very hard and the doctors and hospital staffing were poor, and I tore a lot and I needed reconstructive surgery and a forceps birth.

So, my response wasn't about whether or not the birth experience was difficult, but that my sexual abuse did not cause any additional issues. It didn't seem to even be a part of the experiences.

 

[ghotiff]

To clarify, my first birth was horrible but much of my problems with it were from my CSA.