Going Back To Therapy

[GWhizz]

I am literally having a panic attack.

I finally feel more stable and ready to commit to therapy properly. So I plucked up the courage to contact my T after about a 6month break. I didn't want to text her as I do that easily. I want to be an adult about it this time and try to face these challenges, like even the nerves of calling her about it. Anyway, it went to her voicemail. I left a msg so am waiting on her call back. I am shaking so hard and can't stop or control it at all. I'm trying to slow my breathing and relax but I can't right now. I want to be able to do this but not the way it was last time. It's like this overwhelming flight response and the thought of facing my problems is unbearable.

 

[City Slicker]

You have taken a really huge step - no wonder you are feeling very shaky. You are doing all the right things, slowing your breathing and focussing on the good that will come from what you are doing. You are very courageous to be taking on this new day with a positive resolve and you took some good risks today. You can do this.

 

[Anarchy]

Big hugs :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

have you tried counting things in your surroundings?
five red things, five blue things, five green things, five round things, five round things stood on their ends, five round things stood on their sides, five square things of different colours...

there are more than five round yellow hugs at the top of this :)

this isn't the same shit again, every time is different and new.

more hugs:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[Justmehere]

:hug: @GWhizz

 

[Leigh925]

That is a huge step. Kind of reminds me of the first time I started therapy...years ago. I wasn't afraid at all because I was somewhat naive. After a few stops and starts with different therapists....this last time I was scared to death because I knew I was ready and up for putting in some really hard work....which was good but scary!

Obviously you liked your therapist or you wouldn't be calling the same one. Maybe you can imagine a comforting response you have gotten from her in the past and focus on that to take the nerves away.

Hope it goes well for you! Hopefully she will call soon so you don't have to live with the nerves for long.

 

[GWhizz]

@Leigh925 yes exactly - like it took me 3 times to get my driving test, the 1st I was totally naive and even a tad cocky about it, the next 2 I was a wreck because I knew what I was in for!

She called me back within a few minutes and took down my availability for next week and said she'd phone a bit after once she checked her diary. I managed to just say my dates and in between this call and her next one I calmed down. She then called back and we've arranged to meet next Tuesday evening. Kept the phone conversation to a minimum as there's just so much that's happened over the past few months I couldn't get into even saying how I'm doing or I'd probably open a huge can of worms and I feel sometimes she worries too much about me.

I am totally dreading what I will be like actually meeting face-to-face again if making a call panicked me so much. But at the same time, I'm anxious to start over with her and move things forward.

I guess a good starting point maybe actually admitting all of this to her when we meet next week, which probably will be obvious as I can see myself being very noticeably anxious during the start of (if not the entire) session. She is good at helping calm me though, she'll usually guide me through a meditation or something to help me chillax!

Thanks so much for all the support and hugs. I really needed it today.

 

[Leigh925]

@GWhizz I am so glad that she called you back quickly. I still have times when things come up and I do the anxiety countdown to my appointment day! I hate it.

I am glad you found someone who knows how to calm you down. My therapist does a good job of that as well. For some reason I sometimes forget that between sessions....but it hasn't done me in yet and it has really been worth it.

Good luck on your continuing journey!

 

[GWhizz]

Thank you @Leigh925 I know that I need to do this and not allow the fear consume me anymore.

I do feel very centered in myself the last while and so ready to deal with things now. But paradoxically, going to therapy just throws it all over the place again.

 

[darrenS]

GWhizz, - can i ask how it was without therapy...i recently got tired of my therapist and stopped going...havent been for near 2 mths and so far am not planning any therapy onwards , its been a good break actually and i dont feel any different from when i was going...i do understand how you feel with the flight and fight responses and the thought of facing things - good luck and i hope it works out well for you

 

[GWhizz]

Thanks @darrenS actually I feel so much better since I broke from it. Not because therapy wasn't necessarily working, moreso, I needed to get the break to collect myself and get into a better headspace where I may actually be better capable of dealing with the stuff that therapy throws up. I really do hope I can keep it together this time as all it brings up tends to set me back into it too, at least it did the last time I tried.

I really think the break was a good move. Tough at 1st as I felt somewhat reliant on my therapist. But it gave me that space and perspective that I felt I was lacking whilst so deep in it all. I think we need to carefully time when it may be helpful and when it can be less than helpful. I feel now I can start afresh with some actual clearly defined goals from therapy. And I realise now that my T was actually very good for me but that I let transference issues get in the way - the break also allowed me to resolve some of these issues too.

 

[darrenS]

It so funny you say that , i can totally relate , after a while it just becomes like a blur to me and i need to get away to deal with the present if you know what i mean. I have a clear path and hopefully the break will work for me too...good luck and always feel free to reach out at anytime