Good Or Bad?

[Privateer]

Just something I was wondering...does anybody else get days when they panic about whether or not they are a good person? Does anyone else ever doubt their own motives for any good deeds they may perform?

 

[Spiderallis]

I know precisely what you mean. A lot of my T work so far has been on seeing myself as a good person. I wouldn't quite call it a panic, but I get tense sorting out why I want to do some things. Most of the time I can trace it back to something an abuser said, stale echoes of false beliefs. I do make spiteful charity donations, several people left things at my house and I know they're not coming back for them. I like to imagine those things going on to help people into happier situations- they might wear those pants to a job interview and start a rewarding career, or that telephone might be used to share good news. When I hand it to the donations clerk, the memories attached to that item disappear. I give them my anger and they convert it into hope.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I used to think I was a bad person. I had no self esteem and I was very hard on myself. But as time and work on myself took place, I began to develp good self esteem and I quit being hard on myself. I now feel like I am a good person.

I still screw up but that is the beauty of making amends and positive life changes.

Have courage if it can happen for a lost cause like I was to now, You can do it. It just takes practice and healthy beliefs. Healing will happen and you will experience a lessening of symptoms. Have hope. It will happen for you as long as you hang on and do not give up. Good luck.

 

[Whitneys story]

I give them my anger and they convert it into hope.

I feel your logic here, and I like it a lot. Everyone benefits with the exception of the one that did the invalidation in the first place. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Whirlwind]

I can't say I panic and yes, I have questioned "what" I am.

Good, bad? Both it seemed. Tainted, ruined, wrong somehow I have also felt and struggled with. I felt the need to survive at different times in my life and my motivations were nothing more than that.

Whirlwind

 

[Anna]

Just something I was wondering...does anybody else get days when they panic about whether or not they are a good person? Does anyone else ever doubt their own motives for any good deeds they may perform?

All the time. I go from days where I think I am good to days when I feel like I am evil and a bad person who needs to be punished. It is from one extreme to another.

 

[saffy]

yep me too. :0

I find it really hard asking anyone for anything, feel really guilty if they offer me something, especially their time to help me out, I wonder if it is me not trusting their motive or me thinking I do not deserve their help.

Other days I feel I am only doing things for the wrong reasons and therefore I must be really selfish, a quality I hate.

Other days I can tell myself I felt good for helping someone out, then feel that I only did it to make myself feel better, and in a way I did, is anything wrong with that? I also do it cos it makes me feel needed and wanted for a while, then question myself am I being selfish again.

something like that ?

Saffy :)

 

[Tinyflame]

I am the same, as far as your 1st two paragraphs said saffy. And not the 'not trusting their motives', I don't find that applies if I'm the one who's asked for help.

But, ya, I don't see myself as a 'good' person, though I don't wish anyone 'bad'. Mind you, I guess I feel that I am probably bad for others. :(

 

[Tinyflame]

And actually, I don't think I 'feel' selfish, I think I am selfish, in way too many ways. :(

 

[Britt.f7]

I have many days when I do not feel that I am "good" enough. My husband is a very kind man and ends up being my caretaker on my very bad days. Sometimes I feel that he and my kids deserve better then me. I am trying to get pass this.

 

[Tinyflame]

I hope you can Britt, because to your H and children they don't define you on the terms you define yourself- you're their wife and mom (and more).

Yes, I feel like a burden to the sister I live with, and she has her own stuff, to the friend I told about ptsd, to anyone I'm around, really. Sometimes I even feel like I'm a burden to my dog. Seriously. :(

I think it got worse after some abusive times. But then again the more I realize about ptsd and myself, or the worse I do, or the less denial I have, the more of a burden and the more guilt I feel. I don't know, that seems accurate, knowing what I know (and realize) now.

And yet, (perhaps selfishly), there is some reduction of pressure to not pretend that everything is 101% ok. I wouldn't say that lessens the guilt though, only if I'm told it/I wasn't burdensome. But I don't know, I feel like I am a curse to others, too. Yet I know I have to (try to) push out of the comfort zone.

I guess 'we' have to try to think otherwise, 'not think' perhaps is a better way to put it.

 

[Britt.f7]

Junebug, I hope you begin to know your worth. Something that someone pointed out to me a long time ago that I truly need to remind myself, those people who are our supporters, who want to be a part of our life, that is their choice. We are not making them be there or forcing them to "put up" with us. I forget this. But it is important to remind yourself, someone is choosing you, even when you wouldn't choose yourself.