Grief and Major Depressive Disorder

[Lionheart]

I have disabling Major Depressive Disorder and am grieving the loss of a loved one; (someone who was very dear to me recently passed). I am on 300 mg per day of Wellbutrin, 15 mg of Abilify, and am involved in ongoing, individual therapy.

Still, I am suffering all the classic symptoms of Major Depression and also the symptoms of grief. I am wondering if anyone knows what can be done about it other than allowing my feelings to flow, trying to stay positive, taking prescribed medications, and talking to my "T"? Is there anything else I can do?

Grief it seems can trigger an episode of major depression and I am concerned that I will fall down the rabbit hole and be swallowed up, (so to speak). I can't get in to see my Pdoc until late January and don't see my therapist for about 1 more week.

I sleep a lot, have little to no energy, have to force myself to eat, I do not enjoy doing the things that I used to, I don't want to do much at all, and everything seems to take a lot of effort. I spend most of my days in silence, staring at my computer screen, and crying.

I am questioning the meaning of my life, I am disabled and getting old and feel like I am just a burden to others. I am reaching out here because I am living alone and this week my friends can't visit me until the weekend and I wonder, are there things I need to be watchful for? I am not suicidal, but I do have lots of thoughts about death and dying.

I have been journaling in my diary and I'm trying to reach out for help. I just want to make sure I am doing all I can to counter the grief/depression cycle.

 

[ms spock]

Have you read Feeling Good The New Mood Therapy by David D Burns? It can really assist with managing depression. I have found it really useful. I don't know if I have mentioned it before, but you can watch David Burns on YouTube and read his website. You might be able to borrow his book from the library.

Learning to break down distorted thinking or cognitions is really important for dissolving depression. This book is the golden standard.

 

[blackemerald1]

I am doing all I can to counter the grief/depression cycle.

^^So, it sounds like you are doing a lot to help yourself @Lionheart777 - and I wonder if you are pushing yourself too hard. Grief is a really difficult emotion to deal with even when fully supported and in the best of circumstances. Add in Major Depression and likely you will be feeling really horrible.

Can you reach out to friends or family by phone - just to speak to a real person each day? Doesn't have to be a important reason for the call just someone who can verbally respond with a reasonably intelligent mind. The connection does seem to help. Even one of the grief or bereavement support/help phone lines - if you have them in your country or something similar. The point is - it must be a living person who understands what you are moving through.

Try to remind yourself that it is still very early days in your bereavement and you are moving through this. So no major expectations. It really is okay to cry and keep crying. You will stop when you are ready to stop.

You need to be watchful that you turn things off when you turn them on. When your mind is processing so much emotion it can disrupt our usual routines. So be careful with stove's, heaters etc. double check that doors are locked etc. and when you leave that you glance around to make sure.

You may feel like a burden but you are not. That is the depression talking so recognise it and spill it out. You could practice some reassuring self talk. Validate your feelings and then think of yourself moving through a thick fog...you will reach the end of it.

It;s important to remember you have been a big supporter of your relative for while and you have acute stress in the mix from your recent bereavement.

Try to drink water and stay hydrated even if you cannot eat much.

I know you already know this but just to remind you - this will all take time.

:hug:

 

[Lionheart]

Have you read Feeling Good The New Mood Therapy by David D Burns?

No, but I will try to check it out and give it a read. Thanks for mentioning it to me!!!

Grief is a really difficult emotion to deal with even when fully supported and in the best of circumstances. Add in Major Depression and likely you will be feeling really horrible.

Can you reach out to friends or family by phone - just to speak to a real person each day?

...this will all take time.

:hug:

Yes, I do feel really horrible, I've never known sorrow quite this deep before.

I do have a person or two I can IM when in need or make a call to.

Yes, you are right, I will always grieve the loss, but along the way I will grow stronger. Thank you for reminding me!!!

❤????,
Lion

 

[ms spock]

This is also good @Lionheart777 Self-Compassion and Tips for practice - Self-Compassion Self-Compassion Exercises by Dr. Kristin Neff

Feeling Good | The website of David D. Burns, MD You owe it to yourself to Feel Good! is worth a read.

DBT Self Help is worth a read as well. Instant Mindfulness

 

[MrMoonlight]

I'm sorry for your loss @Lionheart777 . What you have done is the most loving and compassionate giving of yourself that a person can do. It takes everything a person has, I can relate in a way because a few years ago I gave end of life hospice care to my grandfather at our home. I was the primary caregiver.

When he passed and the services were over I went out of town to get out of the house where all those memories for me were triggered. I removed all his furniture and went through all his belongings for things to be thrown away, donated or kept. That was so very difficult. The room is something completely different now. For me, it had to be turned into something different, something more positive.

I made myself get out of the house, I went to a local park with my headphones and music for periods of time. Nature was important for me to frequent. I hope you can find something like that lion.

Try to think of the good times and laugh. :hug:

 

[littleoc]

I’m glad you’re reaching out. You’re absolutely not a burden. :hug:

In my nonprofessional experience, it is important to feel grief, especially with someone so close to you having passed on. It’s okay to feel down about this.

I have little other advice except to connect to people, let yourself grieve, and remember that you are not a burden. <3

 

[Lionheart]

I'm sorry for your loss. What you have done is the most loving and compassionate giving of yourself that a person can do. It takes everything a person has...
Try to think of the good times and laugh. :hug:

@MrMoonlight , thank you!!! It took me awhile to respond because I had company. Also I am getting sick, so I went to bed early and just woke up awhile ago. I appreciate your reply, it is nice to know someone understands. I will remember the good times and laugh all I can. It may take me awhile to get to that point, but I will definitely do my best.

I have little other advice except to connect to people, let yourself grieve, and remember that you are not a burden. <3

Sounds like good advice to me @littleoc , it is good to know I am not a burden, I tend to be too hard on myself sometimes. I am connecting to people more often now that sis is gone, I need those that are in my life even more than before. I am allowing myself to grieve and it is taking on a toll on me physically, but emotionally I am slowly healing.

 

[Lionheart]

@MrMoonlight and @littleoc , I hope that I did not come off as ungrateful in my last post. I was feeling rather poorly last night when I posted and wanted to make sure you know that I really do appreciate the replies. You guys are helping me to heal. Even tho' it may seem as if I am stuck in my sadness, I will eventually move through it to happier times.

Blessings,
Lion

 

[MrMoonlight]

I didn't take anything poorly Lion. I hope today is a better day. Do you have any regulation plans for today?

 

[Lionheart]

Thank you!!! I am not sure what you mean by regulation plans, but no not really;.....Today I am just taking it easy and resting, since I am falling ill. And I'm trying to focus on the positive things that sister contributed to my life and not let bitterness grab hold of me.

 

[MrMoonlight]

I was just wondering if you had an activity planned for today that may relax and keep you in a good place mentally. Like painting, meditation, watching a funny movie..etc. Sometimes it helps me if I get ahead of things you know. Do you have Netflix? Sorry you aren't feeling well physically.