Sexual Assault Gyno Visit, Am I Being Too Sensitive?

[lonelyred]

A couple of weeks ago I had to visit my gyno to get checked out for some pain I was having.

I need to go back a couple of steps, I suffer from vaginismus, amongst my other idiosyncrasies and mental health issues, so anyway the rest will make sense now...

So I saw my gyno, something that I find very distressing, and extremely uncomfortable, she is very forceful, I guess is the word I would use, scary, pushy, etc. I find that she doesn't listen, like many doctors.

So I took my partner with me, with strict instructions to come in with me a stop her if I couldn't, if that makes sense, he was wonderful and did stop her, but only after her trying to get a speculum in, then a smaller one, then a spatula, and finally a finger, all to no avail, all to which I was saying no, stop, its hurting too much. Before my partner stepped in, pulling her away and firmly saying no, she's done, no more.

I was in tears by this point, but she was able to diagnose thrush, and prescribe some treatment. To give an idea of how much pain she caused, it takes me around an hour of massage with copious amounts of lube and emla cream and often a Valium or two to get one finger inside me, a fact my gyno knows.

So, needless to say I felt violated. My partner had said to be more assertive, and just close my legs, and say no. He works in allied health as a counsellor.

Anyway, I had to go back a couple of weeks later, alone, for a check up, infection cleared up but the gyno still wanted to do an exam. This is where I want to know if I am being vet sensitive - technically I consented to her "having a look" but when she tried to do the exam and once more produced a small speculum, I said no, she tried anyway, I was screaming in agony and closed my legs, to which she responded by prying them apart and having a nurse hold them, and she once more tried a spatula and a finger, against my wishes, with me crying in pain until I eventually kicked her away on her rolling stool and slid up to the top of the bed.

It took me a while to compose myself, and clean up and dress, the gyno saying "we'll I can't examine you if I can't see anything". I was so shell shocked that I just left. But I feel so violated and have had multiple nightmares about these experiences.

Am I being too sensitive? Or was what happened wrong? I'm scared to go back to her, or anyone for that matter. My partner said I should have been more firm, but I don't know how much more firm I could be

I don't know what to do

 

[rightkindofme]

If she held your legs apart to examine you against your will she violated medical ethics and you should report her to her supervisor. That is wildly inappropriate and I am so sorry.

 

[Venusian]

I don't think you are being overly sensitive, I would find another doctor, one that understands that it is a real condition that you have. I second what @rightkindofme already stated, she should be reported.

 

[cherryblossom]

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. It is valid to feel violated by both examinations. Yes, you gave consent at the start of each exam, but the second you said 'stop', she should have stopped. Medics have to gain consent for any procedure (unless the patient does not have the capacity to make decisions), regardless of what the procedure is.

You should put a formal complaint in writing to the clinic where she works, and definitely don't see her again.

I'm sorry you've had this experience because it has put you off going to see anyone else. However, you have been unlucky to find such an uncaring doctor, and the vast majority will be more understanding to your difficulties, and give you the time, patience and understanding that you need.

 

[lonelyred]

She doesn't have a supervisor as she is the principal, and very well respected. I had thought I had found a good one, she seemed to understand. My GP can do my regular checkups but I don't know what to do about a gyno. I'm worried that I won't be taken seriously or that the nurse will back her up as she doesn't like me. My partner says I'm over reacting and that I should have been more forceful with her. I just feel like I spend my whole life being a victim

 

[rightkindofme]

Your partner is victim blaming and you need to not listen to him. If necessary report her practices to the state licensing board.

 

[Lucycat]

There must be someone 'higher up' than her. The employing hospital /clinic / health board ? Then there is the Medical Registration Board. All of these mean hassle for you, but they are a potential route to get this unethical woman to change her ways.

As others have said, she has no right to treat you like this. She should be showing compassion and dignity.

I am sorry that your partner is less than understanding. It is very hard to be assertive when you are in such a compromising position, regardless of any prior history.

I think if this were me, I would discuss the whole thing with my GP and see if she can offer support, and maybe suggest a more understanding gynaecologist. There are some small girls who have gynaecological problems. They are treated by understanding gynaecologists, even having anaesthesia or anxiolitics if required. I am thinking pre-school children. There must be a gynaecologist that your GP would be happy to refer these children to, and that might be the perfect one for you. Please don't think I am suggesting that you are acting like a child. I don't mean that for one minute - I am just trying to look at alternative options.

You deserve better!

 

[lonelyred]

Thanks for the support, I'll try talking to my gp when she's back next week. Thanks for the suggestion Lucy, I'll get her to look into that too.

 

[lonelyred]

I don't think I can do it, report her I mean, I reported an old gp once, and the medical board just ruled it was hearsay and circumstantial, and took the drs word over mine. I'm not going through that again.
I'll just find another dr

 

[Lucycat]

Of course you don 't have to. Everything is up to you. However it would be good to write down your thoughts and feelings about the events now - while it is still so fresh- and then tuck it away to remind you if you ever change your mind. It is easy to think you will never forget, but the details fade.

I am with you all the way.

 

[lonelyred]

Thank you Lucy, its already in my diary, without it is lose my mind, thank you for being there/here.
One day I'd like to no longer be the victim, but I don't know how to get there