Hard Session Today

[Jnean]

thank you!

 

[Jnean]

16 years ago today i had to get an emergency protection from abuse order on my ex boyfriend. He had to get this emergency PFA delivered on 3/6. Just difficult day still after all those years, I feel sad.

 

[Redlewis]

Hope you're feeling better today

 

[Jnean]

I felt pain but had to be a big girl and not cry, i felt really restrained, and remembered blood plus I was so so sad I just shut down. That was what I uncovered today in session. I feel the same body sensations as I did last few times I have been uncovering my trauma of being sexually assaulted. . It feels strange even though I know it's normal. I'm angry at the people who hurt me, the people who kept me quiet, the people who normalized assault on me, I need to tell that hurt sad younger part of me that I don't need that protection anymore but for some reason it feels like I just never really can completely set that part of me free.

 

[Ronin]

I felt pain but had to be a big girl and not cry

In case crying helps you feel better instead of worse and losing the rest of sanity when you cry: Maybe the big girl thing now IS to cry?

It was a big girl thing to not cry in your childhood, and you did it right, but now a big girl thing is a different thing to do?

 

[Jnean]

thank you Cashew! That really makes a lot of sense. I appreciate your helpful response.

 

[Ronin]

You're welcome and I'm glad it's seeming useful, @Jnean. :tup: