Hard To Admit I Have Ptsd

[AQ21]

Hi everyone,

Where to start...I've been to therapy for years but didn't really 'attach' deeply into my therapy to do the work.

Today I saw a trauma therapist and she officially diagnosed me with PTSD. It's hard to admit, I guess because I was trained to minimized, acknowledge, but minimize how traumatizing growing up with my alcoholic /abusive mother was.

I've come to realize my father is autistic and his emotional incomprehension makes total sense. the fact he neglected to be there and get me out of a dangerous environment is not OK.

I feared for my life and in my adult life it is killing me.

I feel like I am crazy. I am paralyzed with fear when people walk out of my life and I feel like "geez, it's not that big of a deal. Get over it". I ruminate and ruminate about them panicking that they quit talking to me.

Anyone else experience this?

 

[pi314159]

I will ruminate uncontrollably trying to figure out how to fix anything everything. I am so afraid of rejection and abandonment - I also feel like I'm crazy.

 

[reallydown]

Welcome to the forum, AQ. Many of us felt like we were crazy before we knew what's wrong with us...Some of us still think we're crazy...Anyway, glad you found the forum. You'll find lots of great info and understanding here.

 

[Srain]

Welcome to the Forum AQ.

I can get on to a subject where I have a whole discussion ALL by myself on how to take care of something ending with "crap I don't know!!" ...crazy?? Probably! However, what I read in your post was that you were moving forward and accepting your Dx of PTSD, seeing a TT as well as understanding some of what your immediate symptoms are, that's brave and healing.

Your being here as well is a HUGE step towards healing. I can't tell you how much of a difference this has all made in my life just in the last year. I've been looking for answers for years. Keep posting. :)

peace,
Rain