Has anyone worked on avoidant attachment in therapy?

[Stephernovas]

Back to commenting about the original post, I know I have severe trust issues. My therapist has informed me that I have/had an avoidant attachment with my parents. So, in session we work on safety and security. Also, I'm not sure if this just a just me type thing but the way we work on relationships in session is for me to set up profiles on online dating sites and practice setting boundaries. I feel it's as though she's teaching me how to speak human.

 

[Existentialanalyst]

Attachment work is fundamental in PTSD recovery. Only thru ability to securely attach and connect to people around us we can trust again that the world is safe enough for us to go on living past trauma. And therapy is a great place to start that work. How you relate, whether you don’t feel like needing anyone or don’t feel like you’re worthy of unconditional love, all of this will manifest in your relationship with your therapist. It is scary to work on it there and then (because it’s kinda uncomfortable to point out and describe feelings towards the therapist) in the consulting room, but it’s worth it

 

[Tinyflame]

I would have to disagree @Existentialanalyst , I think it will manifest in all close relationships but has to do with not sharing feelings, or not feeling- the primary 'feeling' is to avoid having to. Those include all feelings, not about the other, or others, but in general. Similarly, feeling 'unworthy of unconditional love' equates to believing one is unworthy of unconditional love, which leads to no desire to look for it. In particular with a paid stranger there to impart their knowledge, not sentiment. JMHO though. I think @Suzetig said it most comprehensively, it's where and how one deals with challenges and stress (to under-paraphrase).

 

[Abstract]

@Justmehere To answer your question, no. It is something I have been considering for a few years but ... have avoided.:rolleyes: At this point in my life I almost feel this is affecting me more than anything else. For one it greatly reduces my ability to get help for everything else. It may be that I will only be able to get to do the trauma work if I work on this first. I have done almost all my work on my own but grudgingly realised there is a limit to what I can do and still be safe.

I tend to approach things by analysing what is happening and then charging at it. Have been trying to dismantle this a bit for a while now, with a tiny bit of success (compared to how I was). I relate enormously to what you, Scout, Joeylittle, Suzetig and others have said. What motivated me to start wanting to change at least a little was the desperation in getting help for the PTSD and finding myself very constrained doing so. Before that it just felt totally normal. Just being on here at all was a huge deal and I understand totally how someone can be on somewhere like here or/and be in relationships and still be avoidant. As I have worked on this I constantly surprise myself in how many ways I sneakily create barriers around myself and my independance.

I started realising how much of a difference it made to my stability and think after doing much reading have accepted just a little that we are happier with just a little real attachment - because human beings are made to be communal and emotional connection/intimacy is a vehicle for true communal living. :yuck:

Have to try to get past the word as "attached" sounds to me like a barnacle attached to rock. Or a leech. :eek::arghh;:bag::nailbiting::yuck: What that does to my avoidant self. Either me being dependant on someone else or someone being that dependent on me. :eek: I rather try to remind myself this is about emotional connection in a way that allows us to keep who we are and our own self. I find it all very challenging.

No pressure but are you considering this with your present t or are you thinking of going to someone who specialises in the area?

Very time constrained at present but check in on this later.