Poll Have You Forgiven The People Who Hurt You

[DharmaGirl]

I forgave my brother because I could separate his actions and illness from who he really was.

 

[BlueKitty]

I went through a prolonged period of numb period, then learned to keep peace on the surface.
In order to do that, I cut out a lot of activities that ask emotional commitment - listening or playing music (and I was a young former musician), watching or reading emotional movies/books, having emotionally demanding people around, etc.

Then I just stopped being angry so much anymore. I still get haunted by nightmares and such, with occasional triggers that send me back into the depression trough with anger towards those who hurt me. Then I hide away from the world as much as I can afford it, and wait until I don't feel much anymore.

I don't think I had forgiven anyone, as deep down I am still feel deeply betrayed.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I have a bunch of new stuff coming up and I feel betrayed by all of the different abuses. I have alot of sorting out to do. I did not get mad at the time for alot of it because I blamed myself. Now I am seeing that it was layed upon me. My dad was always getting into my stuff. I hate him for that invasion of my privacy. I am a very private person.

I hate the feeling of overexposure, shame, and humiliation. It causes alot of pain for me. I am really feeling angry towards my dad who is dead. Alot of stuff is coming up. I have to feel the feelings and process them. I hope I can forgive them some day for me to release me from this hatred of them.

 

[Abstract]

I voted other. Some of it I am still not really able to think it happened so way away from forgiveness. Some of it I have acceptance of who the person is and why but not quite forgiveness. Other I am bitter, ashamed of my bitterness and anger but nowhere near forgiveness.

I can't bring myself to say I want to forgive even though my interpretation of what forgiveness in this context is letting it go with full acceptance. The concept of full acceptance has some attraction but is distant and I don't feel connected to a wish for it.

 

[Sebastian]

They never apologized... Even when I gave them the chance

 

[Changing4Best]

I answered other because I believe forgiveness is a process, a thing that takes a lifetime. Certainly I have worked hard at forgiving. I have decided to forgive, but in my heart there is still some bitterness at times, especially when new things come to light, things I was not yet aware of the day before.

In therapy I am working it all out. There was a lot, both early life with multiple abuser/ molesters and then later in life a rapist boyfriend who basically took advantage of me for a year and a half. Also, my father was emotionally abusive. And I was bullied by all the boys in my 6th grade class.

It's been a tough life...

 

[Invisible-Guy]

I really want to, but I guess I need to forgive myself for my own actions and get well enough to move on to that process. It's been baby steps in my case because the PTSD happened over such a long span. Right now there's a couple people I pray I don't run into for their sake. It's so hard to remember to hate the action, not the entire person(s). My unit was often put in harms way with no regard.

 

[Philippa]

My dad was always getting into my stuff. I hate him for that invasion of my privacy. I am a very private person.

My father did the very same thing to me as well gizmo...sneaking through my personal private diary and then lying to me, insulting my intelligence, by saying that "a gust of wind swept the page out of the box (that it was sealed shut in with gaffer tape in his garage) and just landed in his hand, so of course he HAD to read it!:rolleyes: He actually thought I was that stupid that I would believe his story. He's always thought I was a fool and would believe anything he said, and under estimated me.

I hate him so much for doing these things, when he himself is an intensely private person and hated it when my brother went through his stuff a year prior to him doing it to me. I actually stood up for him and told my brother off for doing it...and then he went and did the exact same thing to me a year later??

I hope I can forgive them some day for me to release me from this hatred of them.

I really want to forgive him as well...so I can feel better and be free from all this bitterness and bad feelings. That's how I view forgiveness. It is not letting them off the hook at all...it is setting mySelf free from the anger and bad feelings that I hold onto when I am being unforgiving. I suffer more and they don't even suffer for it. Why should I continue to suffer on top of what they've done when they are carrying on as though it never happened?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Philipia))) I am sad that this happened to you too. There were no boundries for us kids. But my parents had rules for themselves. It is nice that that they are both dead and I do not have to deal with them anymore ever again.

I really do not think about them anymore. They did their damage to me and I survived better than them. I survived the best out of my whole family. Hugs.

Here is to letting go of the hatred and the bitterness. And living a happy life anyway.

 

[MagiLisu]

I'm not sure I can ever forgive them, I think too much time has passed. They made my life hell, they made me hate myself, and then I hear nothing from them. I gave them a chance and I received nothing.

Maybe if they had taken that chance then I may have at least understood, but it's been years and now they act as if I don't exist.

 

[Philippa]

I sometimes feel anxious and get the thought in my head that my father is dead, and imagine that I have missed the funeral because I had them all on block on my phone. I'm a little scared to check my spam box in case I read a message saying he really is dead. I feel like he is, and i wanted to kill him so many times, but facing the actual thought of it...it is ...it makes me worry and anxious...like I'm a bad person.

But in my heart of hearts, I know it's the only way I will be truly free of his controlling manner and assholism. I both love and hate him...with the emphasis being more towards hating him in recent years. He has killed any love I had for him...and I really loved him so much.

He broke my heart...I actually felt it break one day when we were in Sweden, and he was being horrible to me about something....basically telling me I was faking being depressed and mentally ill, not taking the ptsd seriously and thinking I am a "freeloader" for claiming the dole when I could not even get out of bed to kill myself, and he kept pressuring me to get a job.

Now they all expect me to just get over it and forgive them...and I know it's because they do want everything to go back to normal and just act like none of it ever happened, thus negating my reality one more time. They only care about themselves and not having to face their own f*cked up behavior. They couldn't give a damn about how it affected me, but I'm the bad guy making their life hard for dwelling on the past.

EVen just writing it out here makes me feel renewed and justified in hating them all.

 

[Philippa]

Maybe if they had taken that chance then I may have at least understood, but it's been years and now they act as if I don't exist.

My mother does that to me. She even told my brother (who kindly passed on the message to me, as per her wish) that she couldn't be bothered with me...when she is the one who behaved horribly and if she were just a person I didn't really know I'd want nothing to do with her.

I respond to her emotional abuse with anger, and she gives me the silent treatment one more time. I even get the feeling they have the attitude that "it's her loss". They cannot even acknowledge that it is ALL OUR LOSSES, not just mine. It's THEIR loss as well.

Jerks.