Having a very hard time

[hermione]

Scared to tell my therapist how I am feeling...if the threat of being hospitalized is still existent I am scared but I feel so depressed and just off I texted her about a financial thing earlier I don't want to be like well now I am a mess... I cut the past two days and did not tell her I am trying to follow my meal plan but if on a general psych ward I tend to just not eat and lose weight I just feel like ashamed and been out of hospitals for a year and my parents are away I just feel little hope. I want to cut I am at work and won't bring my razorblades as it is a daycare it is locked up but I wouldn't want someone to see by mistake and wonder about it... I hadn't done it in weeks I just don't know anymore ...I do have suicidal thoughts I just am scared I know I have good things in my life it is just hard to see..

 

[Friday]

Suicide & Self-Harm = MORE reason to reach out to therapist than finances, not less.

And it's not the worst thing in the world for them to actually know that 2 hours after financial stuff, you're locked in ideation. Whether they're connected or not.

 

[hermione]

Thank you I know true. My roommate is going away Thursday and asked me to take care of her dogs of course I said yes but it's a week and I am just not emotionally well and scared something will happen and I will need to be hospitalized I am just like telling myself I have to be responsible...it's just hard right now

 

[hermione]

I told my therapist about the cutting she wants my razorblades when I see her tomorrow that's all she texted me this morning after some rambling text last night I don't even know what I am saying half the time when in certain states...

 

[hermione]

Not feeling well and sent a message to my therapist she hasn't responded yet... I am just tired so tired...

 

[Finding Maeve]

Find a hospital that deals specifically with trauma. There's a list on Sidran Institute website. Some take Medicaid/Medicare, some don't take insurance at all. But it's a better option than being on general psych wards, which are like hell on earth. PM me if you want any more info or help finding help.
Molly Maeve

 

[hermione]

thanks for the advice i will send you a PM and look some up i have been on psych wards many times and often tehy trigger panic attacks and it is really awful...i have done eating disorder treatment many times but never there did i deal with trauma they knew i had it just never talked about it there. i would dissociate and others would think i wasn't participating in groups but i just wasn't there so it was a challenge and even though soem programs were good they were not geared out trauma so they didn't know how to handle me sometimes...

 

[hermione]

Having urges to self harm and starve basically I don't want to even try anymore ...