Healing: Balance Between Wallowing And Avoidance

[The Albatross]

Take your voice back in therapy gal... if not there then where?

 

[Recovery4Me]

I asked my T about my "sweet spot" as my Family of Origin concerns after a certain point of work became weighty as the years rolled on and life added new trauma. She offered that I would know as I had worked pretty hard on the stuff over my life: that at some point it becomes a choice to fine tune certain areas as the urge nudges or the inner peace wains.

Once, I had hoped all those mental scars might fade, that I might be more 'normal' at some point. However, to me now, it is more important to feel ok within my self regulation. That IS the 'new normal' for me... which does not make me inherently flawed (as I too once believed) it opens the door for thriving & being happy in my skin.

Hugs to you on your journey to heal. ((((hugs))) May you find your resting place inside of you too.

 

[Kintsugi]

@The Albatross I know I should feel comfortable in therapy, but I simply don't yet. Wherever it is we went this week has made me feel every hour like sending her an email saying "I hate you and I'm never coming back," though, which tells me we've hit fertile ground.

 

[The Albatross]

In your own time, but in the meanwhile... it feeds the discomfiture. You got to get it out though... your efforts to medicate it, distract from it, avoid it are not assistive.

 

[The Albatross]

Link Removed

 

[Suzetig]

I think the "sweet spot" is a moveable thing, at least in my experience. Being able to talk about the trauma sometimes helped me process and sometimes re traumatised me - my therapist has got very good at knowing when enough is enough and guiding me to different ground. Sometimes talking about the impact on me now helps, sometimes it feels like wallowing or making excuses, my therapist had become good at knowing when it's not helping. Sometimes talking about symptoms and coping is useful and at others I feel dismissed, my therapist helps me work through it.

I guess what I'm saying is that building a strong therapeutic relationship where you therapist can see all the parts of you will let him/her support you through the tough bits, know when you're avoiding and when you've stretched too far. In that sense you find your own sweet spot session by session. It's hard and sometimes you'll misjudge but you'll learn for yourself when you're wallowing, avoiding etc.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Suzetig ...well stated!

 

[The Albatross]

Hmmm. There just ain't been anything sweet for me about the business of recovery. For me it is business.

 

[oasis2003]

I'm struggling to figure out where the space is between self-pitying and total avoidance. How do you...

Yes I feel f*cked up too totally damaged I totally relate where do you move on from here ?

 

[oasis2003]

I'm struggling to figure out where the space is between self-pitying and total avoidance. How do you...

I totally avoid / dissociate all the time I cannot face feelings at he mo . Struggling

 

[oasis2003]

It is a big cycle for me hyper vigilance , dissociation , numbing , total shut down then it starts all over again. I am totally damaged where do you work from try and live a normal life ????! Loud noises scare the hell out of me !!????

 

[Suzetig]

@The Albatross, I agree while using the terminology of the OP, I have to say my experience is more of a tightrope between states of anxiety, dissociation and denial. Not very sweet at all, no, but that mental emotional space where it's possible to work productively.