Help . . . How Am I Going To Get Through The Holidays?

[Deleted member 6617]

Thanksgiving is in the past for this year. One holiday down...whew. The day really was decent all in all. Didn't follow my plan all the way, but did ok. Went to parent's house with about 29 other people/family. Got there later than I had planned. I didn't want to leave before my daughters left with their father. So I saw them off and took about half hour to let myself cry and gather my self to face the crowd. Only had to leave once and go for a walk to gather myself again. I left there an hour earlier than I had planned. I just had had all I could handle of people and activity. I enjoyed being with family and am glad I went.

I didn't deliver wreaths as planned. I was too tired by the time I left my parents house. I was a bit dissappointed in myself, because I had anticipated it being kinda fun to pop in on people and surprise them with a wreath. I guess it is good I am recognizing my limits and not trying to push through them and pay the price later. The wreaths weren't going anywhere and I could deliver them another day.

I did stop at my friends house for about an hour. Had a good laugh and nice visit, but was beyond exhausted so didn't stay long.

Got home around 6:30 and had a quiet evening to myself. A much needed time to myself.

Pretty good day. :)

 

[anni]

'Pretty good day'. That's nice to hear, PH. I'm going to have one of those next year! :)

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Ok, so Christmas is just a couple weeks away and I am doing good with it. OH YA...I am doin good with it! Knock on wood!

Thanksgiving was very rough. Maybe because it is one day that is pretty intense with family. Plus I usually host it. That didn't happen, then I was invited and uninvited to other places, the kids being with their dad, going to BIG family gathering....yep....Thanksgiving was rough.

Christmas I am handling different. Not accepting invites to anyplace, then I don't have to worry about it falling through. Just planning on going to Mom and Dad's. Kids will be with their Dad again...that will be hard, but I know what to expect now emotionally. Christmas seems to go on for days and days and weeks. Not complaining, I love it. It just seems easier to accept the aloneness. Plus the whole reason for Christmas keeps me focused. Yep...I'm gonna handle Christmas much better than Thanksgiving.

One little glitch I might mention. Annual Cookie Bake. Hmmm... haven't decided if I am going to attend that or not. Not that I don't want to, just don't know if I would be comfortable or even truly welcome by all. Oh well, got till the 18th to decide on that one. Not gonna stress about it, I accept some people have issues with me and it is what it is. Can't change it, but I can keep changing my attitude about it. Maybe the girls and I will have our own little cookie bake...could be fun. We'll see, there are options.

I love the spirit of Christmas!

 

[Jawn]

If you bake cookies PH, send me some! :p

 

[Deleted member 6617]

You got it Jawn...any requests for a favorite?

 

[Jawn]

snickerdoodle!

 

[anni]

I just got distracted with the cookies, also. I'd put up with an awful lot of being uncomfortable to get my hands on those cookies.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

I suppose I worry about making it uncomfortable for others too. Don't want to spoil the day for anyone else. Maybe my PTSD, hyper sensitive, make things bigger than they are, take all the blame, feeling disposable brain is at work here. Need to figure out the truth and I haven't yet. A huge improvement...at least I recognize I may not be looking at truth. Instead of having a knee jerk reaction I am stepping back a taking a closer look. Never thought of stepping back as forward motion, but in this case it is!

 

[anni]

Ohhhh stepping back is so so so key across evey board on the planet with PTSD. I'm not saying I'm always successful, of course, but re-processing everything until it's masticated through and through, brought up on the screen again, micro examined, hammered, stomped on and bludgeoned into recognizable, realistic size can only be done from a safe distance and also with time, really. I had 'something' from yesterday I'm still re-examining today and will not make a move either way until I'm reading it with the non-mob scene head, as when I first was presented the news. I used to think I needed a Keeper, you know? Someone to chew my food for thought for me but noone stepped up so have had to do it myself.

It's very forward motion, PH. although I'm biased since I still like the sounds of those cookies. :D

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Okay, so I know this is only Monday and a lot can happen between now and Saturday, but I have decided to go to the cookie bake. I so look forward to it every year, and this year is no different. I just want to have a fun day with friends and laugh and eat taco soup and cookies of course. Plan is, I'm goin!

OK Jawn, snickerdoodles it is!

 

[Nighthawk]

Between your cookies and anni's cupcakes no wonder the lion is smiling.

NH

 

[Grace11]

I am absolutely dreading Christmas this year. I do not want to discuss this with strangers. I do not want to burden my family. I just want to be normal.