stressedbeyondbelief
New Here
Hi everyone,
I don't know where to start. I'd been bullied as a kid by peers but it wasn't anything too out of hand. By junior high, I was laying in bed praying for death without even knowing what depression was. At that point, I was still getting top grades in advanced classes but the bullying was non-stop ( physical and verbal.) Even though it was a smaller school where they could have handled it, the teachers/principal/school administrators basically said "Tough luck" to me and my family and let it continue. Of course, being a bystander indirectly encourages it and tells the students that they can get away with it.
Went to a big high school - only one in town - and was subjected to a lot of verbal taunting. I would tell my family about it, but I wasn't able to vocalize how bad it was. By sophomore year, I never spoke about it again and kind of buried it. For some reason, I rarely ever took days off, and while I was a good student, I didn't love schoolwork that much or anything. I was aware of what was happening, but since it was mostly verbal - things a drunk person wouldn't say - the cumulative effect for a person with already low self-esteem by then made things a lot worse.
I had a breakdown a few months after graduation and spent the next 15 years going to conventional therapists being handed meds by psychiatrists that would cause bad reactions and more diagnosis's. A doctor had diagnosed me with PTSD at one point during my early 20s, but didn't explain that there were other treatments and threw more meds at me.
After a voluntary hospitalization this December, I was pulled off a cocktail of meds I'd been on cold turkey and put on a cocktail of meds that ruined my family's Xmas. I had to go inpatient again to detox in January and was put on a 3mg of klonapin to counteract the other drugs along with a strong med that after a week or two, I'd been through the withdrawal process without even realizing it.
By that point, my family, my primary care that has known me for most of my life and I realized - Hey, look, I've been on over 20 meds in my lifetime and none of them have helped with my anxiety and depression and just made things worse. I found Peter Breggin's work online and started finding out about the dangers of prescription drugs and what they can do your mind and body and the life-threatening physical illnesses that some people develop on them. I was still on 1.5 of klonapin and did a slow taper, and let's just say, benzo withdrawal is emotional and physical hell. It's been over a week since my last crumb, and it affects everyone part of your life and the people around you.
I'd done EMDR a couple years ago, but I was still on meds at the time, focusing on the wrong issues, and also wasn't going weekly because it was almost a 2 hour drive to the appointments. It still had been more effective than conventional therapy or any prescription med.
I found a local EMDR specialist who at the very least, doesn't believe in over-diagnosing and deals with stress and trauma head-on with not only EMDR but other CBT techniques.
It's a stressful time because literally anyone who builds a tolerance to a benzo and goes through withdrawal would be affected by it. I'm lucky that at the very least, I didn't develop any severe life-long physical illnesses and from here, it's just about recovery while also dealing with various traumas.
I thank everyone who already welcomed me on my profile. PTSD of any kind affects all of us in the present because we're constantly reminded of the trauma and it creates a boomerang effect.
I don't know where to start. I'd been bullied as a kid by peers but it wasn't anything too out of hand. By junior high, I was laying in bed praying for death without even knowing what depression was. At that point, I was still getting top grades in advanced classes but the bullying was non-stop ( physical and verbal.) Even though it was a smaller school where they could have handled it, the teachers/principal/school administrators basically said "Tough luck" to me and my family and let it continue. Of course, being a bystander indirectly encourages it and tells the students that they can get away with it.
Went to a big high school - only one in town - and was subjected to a lot of verbal taunting. I would tell my family about it, but I wasn't able to vocalize how bad it was. By sophomore year, I never spoke about it again and kind of buried it. For some reason, I rarely ever took days off, and while I was a good student, I didn't love schoolwork that much or anything. I was aware of what was happening, but since it was mostly verbal - things a drunk person wouldn't say - the cumulative effect for a person with already low self-esteem by then made things a lot worse.
I had a breakdown a few months after graduation and spent the next 15 years going to conventional therapists being handed meds by psychiatrists that would cause bad reactions and more diagnosis's. A doctor had diagnosed me with PTSD at one point during my early 20s, but didn't explain that there were other treatments and threw more meds at me.
After a voluntary hospitalization this December, I was pulled off a cocktail of meds I'd been on cold turkey and put on a cocktail of meds that ruined my family's Xmas. I had to go inpatient again to detox in January and was put on a 3mg of klonapin to counteract the other drugs along with a strong med that after a week or two, I'd been through the withdrawal process without even realizing it.
By that point, my family, my primary care that has known me for most of my life and I realized - Hey, look, I've been on over 20 meds in my lifetime and none of them have helped with my anxiety and depression and just made things worse. I found Peter Breggin's work online and started finding out about the dangers of prescription drugs and what they can do your mind and body and the life-threatening physical illnesses that some people develop on them. I was still on 1.5 of klonapin and did a slow taper, and let's just say, benzo withdrawal is emotional and physical hell. It's been over a week since my last crumb, and it affects everyone part of your life and the people around you.
I'd done EMDR a couple years ago, but I was still on meds at the time, focusing on the wrong issues, and also wasn't going weekly because it was almost a 2 hour drive to the appointments. It still had been more effective than conventional therapy or any prescription med.
I found a local EMDR specialist who at the very least, doesn't believe in over-diagnosing and deals with stress and trauma head-on with not only EMDR but other CBT techniques.
It's a stressful time because literally anyone who builds a tolerance to a benzo and goes through withdrawal would be affected by it. I'm lucky that at the very least, I didn't develop any severe life-long physical illnesses and from here, it's just about recovery while also dealing with various traumas.
I thank everyone who already welcomed me on my profile. PTSD of any kind affects all of us in the present because we're constantly reminded of the trauma and it creates a boomerang effect.
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