Highest Grade...

[Upside Down Eagle]

I've been battling university-level studies combined with PTSD and BPD for four years now, and I have plenty of days (most of them) where I feel ever completing the bachelor is impossible, a dream and a waste of time that could be spent doing other stuff (procrastinating, really).

At times the studies are very disencouraging. They make me feel like failure, an impossible student -someone who tries to study, read and summarise literature on a high level while at the same time having daily panic and rage attacks... I make myself sound like a total victim, but I frequently feel like that.

However at the courses where I do achieve something, I end up scoring very high, I've been admitted to an honours college (didn't manage to keep that up, but the initial selection was rather rigorous...) of late I scored a 9.0 out of 10, and my last exam was among the top three highest grades in the class.

Maybe I should be a little more patient with myself. It's the everlasting battle, it just makes me so tired. But maybe I can do this. :)

 

[Reds]

Yes you can do it :)

 

[Hope4future]

You are doing it. One day, one struggle at a time, but you are doing it. Celebrate that even for just a moment. Come back to that moment as often as you need to.

 

[HelenB]

Sorry to hear you are finding things so hard. I can relate to your feelings as I am also currently studying towards my degree with the open university, which at so many times just feels overwhelming as with the PTSD I have so many days when even functioning is difficult so getting my head round my studies is so difficult and taking anything in just about impossible.

So far like you I have managed to continue and when I have been able to get the work done have been able to get decent marks, and know this is also so helpful to me and really would encourage you that as you are doing so well that you can do this. You have done four years already, and though it has been hard, from what you have said you have been able to do it, and with perserverence I really believe that this will be something you really can look back on and know that even though it was hard, it is yet another way to really be able to take your life back and walk forwards into new opportunities which you do have now.

I do not know if you have much understanding and support from your tutors, but I have been honest with mine about the difficulties I have been going through, and also find this so helpful, as at times I have had to get assignments and things in late, but I have found they have been very encouraging and supportive and know this has really helped me in the times when I have not felt I can continue.

I can also relate to the feelings of it being a never ending battle and being so tired of it all, and really would encourage you that yes you can do it and that having done as much as you have with battling so much already, you have come so far and that it will be worth it in the end.

God bless
Helen

 

[franciemarnie]

Congratulations on the high grades!! I know it is tough with PTSD, etc., but you've got an incredible mind. There's no end to what you will accomplish in life. As you heal, it will get easier. Then - World, look out!!