Holidays/Christmas Are Triggering For Me - How Do I Cope?

[Pixie]

Oh, I was thinking along those lines too. Are there particular lollies that you like? And nice little things that you can come across at a special newsagent (they have these lovely little fridge magnets and pretty butterfly pendants). They don't cost much but they are pretty and would definitely give me a smile if I opened them on the day... :)

I've also found that you can get stuff pretty cheap through ebay too. It takes a little planning as it has to be sent but I managed once to get these beautiful monarco glass heart earrings for about 1 dollar (4 bucks postage & handling) but that was awesome! ebay is great for picking up a bargain just for yourself! he he he.

Any other ideas on nice little inexpensive self gifts for these holidays?

Pixie

 

[Marlene]

It's not even December yet and the Christmas commercials, ads, movies and I'm guessing the malls and department stores (I wouldn't know...haven't been in one in three years) are all dripping with 'holiday *spend, spend, spend* spirit'.

I've simplified my life as much as possible with at the holidays. I bought a small tree made out of lights (it's really for outside) and put it in a side room rather than the tall one we used to have as the main point of focus in the living room for years. I buy gifts online and we don't do anything 'big' for Christmas anymore. The less disruption to my normal schedule, the more my symptoms stay down.

Even with all these things I still find myself feeling overwhelmed by everything and deal with depression. I've decided I'm just going to keep my head down and try to plow through and make it to the new year in one piece. That's all I can do. The holiday season is just not a good time of the year for me.

Lisa

 

[heather q]

One year I was very depressed, so in a huge effort to be 'normal' I bought myself a little christmas tree, decorated it and sat there with the fireplace all looking lovely, then I got more depressed and burned the tree in the fireplace, don't try that!!!

I could have set the house on fire and made things worse, now I don't get involved at all, if I can help it. I'm not as reactive as I used to be so it's easier to let it go by now without being involved. It's about this time of the year that I stay out of stores, it helps. And thank goodness for the mute button.

Heather

 

[Pixie]

Marlene - I realised after reading your post that I have been trying to "plow through" myself for so many years and each time, my symptoms get worse. I actually had never thought to try and keep my schedule the same and I think that is a very valid point. The less we have to "make nice" and go outside the comfortable and SAFE environment that we have, the better.

Last year, after travelling 4 hours to spend the day with my hunsbands mum (who I love dearly) and step-dad which we had never done before, I had the worst nightmares. The one where time after time you "wake up", only to find yourself in another nightmare and never actually waking up for real. NOT nice.

This year, my husband and I will be spending the day with just the two of us which we have never done before. Neither of us like the whole tree thing (part of our belief system) etc, but we have often wondered whether we could try something else to put presents under or in...

My only concern with your strategy really is that at least for me, when i plow through, I find myself worse off for a time after. Ignoring the triggers until they are gone only postpones the depression etc which then all arrive at the same time, multiplying the effect... don't know yet how to get around this one...


Heather - wow... you burned your tree? While for me, I quite like that whole idea... I can imagine how scary it was with the fire etc (I have a phobia or fire)!

Yep... the mute button is wonderful isn't it? Staying out of stores and out of the firing line so to speak will be a new thing for me this year. I used to work in the city and surrounded by the "holiday spirit", frantic and pushy shoppers etc. Ugh.


Pixie

 

[Spacechic]

xmas...well my family of origin is having aget together. I declined to attend siting long travel etc. I spend xmas with my immediate family..my husband and kids. We enjoy it that way and have made it our own thing. My husband finds xmas difficult becaus ehis brother committed s on boxing day a few years ago. So its difficult for both of us. However our kids is what keeps us going. We enjoy it becuase they do. We don't get caught up in all the mayhem..whihc is hard anyhow cos we live so remote.

I think creating your own meaning is a positive way to deal with it.

Spacey

 

[This Ends Now]

Happy overtime day to all my fellow humbugs! :occasion:

My normal tradition for the holidays is to request extra shifts on days the government makes them pay time and a half. Unfortunately I do not have a normal job this year but my life partner will be working and I will be assisting him. Either that or I will spend the day locking myself in the spare room writing in my journal. We shall see. :rolleyes:

As far as the whole gift thing goes well... not so much into it myself. If there is extra money (which I doubt this year) I will be waiting until a couple days after the holiday so I can snag stuff on sale. With the current state of the economy I expect this years retail panic week to be extra festive.

As far as decorating I will be making cute little paper snow flakes and putting them on the windows and walls. Its fun, its free, and it lets me be me. I also have a number of other arts and crafts waiting to be worked on to keep me busy. Drawing, writing, making little paper books, recycling old dresses into new purses, bead work... the list is endless.

For the whole spirit part I think it is more appropriate to do something quiet like read scriptures, pray, meditate, do whatever ritual you prefer for the many holidays that are celebrated in winter. For those who do not go for the religious thing then I would recommend finding some stories on how death (winter) is necessary for rebirth (spring) or looking up some of the more popular myths and finding the things they have in common.

For new years I plan on sulking over a hot cup of tea and playing video games. I have absolutely no problem with that. I also plan to put an extra big "X" through the date on the calender around midnight. This year has been lousy and I am looking forward to saying goodbye to it. :mad:

My birthday is coming up in Feb and I will be turning 30 so I fully plan to have a small funeral for my youth. I am thinking black clothes and makeup and several depressing poems will do nicely. If friends come over or anything then I can take it to the next level with some black balloons and general "over the hill" decorations. I might even get spunky and cremate or bury a small shoe box with things that I make to represent youth (like a paper doll and some flowers). :crazy:

Good winter to you all and to all a good night!

Liz H.

PS: Love the tree burning idea! I think you may have started a new tradition for me without realizing it. :rofl:

 

[Nicky31]

Hello everyone. This is a great thread Pixie, thank you.

I have been trying to find my own way with Christmas for ten years now, though last year was the first that I had been diagnosed with PTSD. I have taken ownership of it and like many others here have said, if you make it what YOU want rather than fit into other's plans or face unneccessary stress things can go better.

Here in England we eat Brussles Sprouts, I'm not sure how popular they are elsewhere? Anyway, they grow on a long stalk with all of these round green veg stuck around it. They can be sold like this - as "sprout trees". A couple of years now, I have bought one of these, stuck it in a pot and covered it with little balls of foil, sequins and a star. It's a nice alternative idea. I'm not creative at all, but it's fun.

I have invited friends over in previous years to stay over the season. We just get nice food in and chill out. For the last four years I have also held a dinner party for my "friend family" 12 or 13 of my dearest friends have joined me for a christmas meal early in December, just as a chance to spend time and share with those most important to me. I do make it festive, lots of lights and decorations, but the feeling is a relaxed and warm one. Perhaps because it is in my house, they are my guests and so on. I'm not having one this year as my symtoms have been so bad I have been unable to organise it and now I am sad about it.

Listening to how good you are feeling each day is really important. If you don't feel up to facing people, don't. Stay in and keep yourself safe. However, if you are having a better day, maybe just get out for a walk. I have a few box sets of dvd's and can spend half a day watching these. It's something for me and comforts me.

I had some pretty horrendous Christmases as a child. Now that I am an adult, I am trying to make up for lost time I guess and have what I want at long last. I know our symptoms make this even more difficult but there are simple ways of taking some of that strain off. I will be around the forum at Christmas, so feel free to stop by and say hello.

Nicky

 

[Pixie]

Hey Nicky! I really like Brussels Sprouts and when they are in season, we buy them all the time. :)

I think I will be here too over Christmas so maybe we can have a special thread on that day for those of us who gather here?

I am actually quite excited to go looking online for some inexpensive little gifts just for hubby and me. I have a little list that I've done up but haven't really had the time today to go looking (or the money!) as I've been obsessively cleaning for the past 24 hours. Maybe later I might go for a wander through ebay...

Not sure about decorating though or how to make it sufficiently different to avoid triggers. It has been drummed into me that "normal" secular decorations are pagan (don't mean to offend... it is just what I've been taught) but the christian decorations are just as bad for being what they are... any suggestions for something really different?

Pixie

 

[Nicky31]

I meant to say the idea about little gifts for yourself is perfect!!! I shall treat myself to something too :smile: We don't have cherry ripes over here, so perhaps one of your gifts to yourself or hubby could be one of those in my honour :smile: I love them!!!

Good idea to have a thread on that day. It means that whenever we visit the forum that we can share our thoughts, feelings and messages, without being tied to chat. Nice one!

How about some simple fairy lights? I don't think that they have any belief system attached- maybe a belief in fairies? :rofl: I love them, they can make a place look very warm, safe and welcoming.

Nic x

 

[Pixie]

ahhh, yes... that is a great idea! I love fairy lights! Thanks Nic!

Pixie

 

[Pixie]

Oh, I think I've figured out how I'm going to do the present thing. I think I'll get two large see through type bags... one for hubby and one for me. If I get some removable hooks (like 3M etc) and hang them in our bedroom, we can each add to the others bag when we buy something and wrap it... that way, it doesn't intrude much on our normal life as much but we can see our gift bags grow as we get closer to "the day"...

Thoughts?

Pixie

 

[anni]

It's very cool to see all these solutions to stress, triggers, etc. Thank you for all of them and this thread. From putting your head down to fairy lights to my favorite, the brussel sprout tree :), people are making a PLAN to get through it! I've been sort of muddling around just being reactive. Any plan is 100 times better than this dread!

I'm sorry but burning the tree and then worrying about burning the house down made me smile. It just made something serious get a little lighter. :)

The brussel sprout tree... I'll be getting a kick out of that for days!

Thanks much for the thread. Beyond getting mad at my triggers I don't have a plan for the holidays but am going to have one before today is over!

Take care,

Anni