How am i supposed to care for myself when i hate myself?

[UnKnown-Self]

Excellent advice all and I believe if not all, most of us struggle with the inner critic. The inner critic is tapes from the past and we heard it so much it became our truth.
We didn't really choose to believe it but like the language of culture it just became a part of us. We just need to learn a new language :-)

 

[Suzetig]

What I've found very recently is me asking myself "what if...". So "what if I'm wrong. What if there's nothing inherently wrong or bad in me. What if I am worthy of love and care. What if I could accept that other people love me and are here for me. What if people won't leave me if I disagree with them or displease them."

It's very early days but just asking "what if" helps to open the door to other possibilities for me, other ways of being that are less harsh and less punitive. I can see little changes in my thinking and little changes in how I talk to myself - and I don't need to believe the "what if" to accept there's another way of seeing things so I don't feel threatened by starting to see things from a different perspective.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

My first glimpse at self-compassion was during a bullying session in my mind. One was calling the other fat and lots of other mean things. I stopped and talked to them out loud. Telling the bully gently they were not helping and we need to help each other. The other I just said, "give yourself a break."
It was at that moment, feeling the decompression, it actually dawned on me what self compassion was.
Give yourself a break

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I intellectually know that continuing to despise myself for the pain I am in is really not helping me, but I can't 'make' myself care or show any kindness towards myself.

Perhaps it will help to realize your actions speak volumes to your children. You can take the best care of them but they will pick up on how you feel about and treat yourself and they will emulate it. Just something to think about.
Sending you warm, self loving wishes!

 

[Quakegirl]

Thanks, Alice: I'm pretty much isolated from my family right now, I grew up with a suicidal, volatile mother & can't bear the thought of them seeing that in me.

So I am away from home a lot & just keeping to myself. People exhaust me right now, I really feel like I only have the energy to keep myself alive and work. I know it's not healthy (the isolation and the narrowing of my life), but it's been the best I could do to keep myself alive & functioning.

I am starting to do small things to break out of this: I listened to some music the other night & remembered how calming I used to find classical music & opera. I went to the gym
yesterday and that felt amazing. I've been cooking good food & putting some limits around work things that usually I would do, no matter how exhausted I felt.

I need to bank some energy and try to build some resilience for a very big & busy work trip
next week. It will be crammed with people & demands. Dreading it, but am in a way better space than the last time I was there. So I guess that is progress...

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Thanks, Alice: I'm pretty much isolated from my family right now, I grew up with a suicidal, volatile...

Except for my grown children, who live in different states, I cut myself off from everyone. I finally decided if I had to worry about relaxing or replay every word later wondering what it really meant. Then the drama starts.... I don't need that in my life.

 

[talon]

I'm new here, and I'm sorry for posting such dark things first off, but I don't even know how to desc...

Firstly you need to value yourself and how important you are to those who love and care about you. So no more apologies for being here it's your right. You are guilty of nothing you are not a criminal so you don't deserve to confine yourself to a life sentence of self loathing . You are an unique human being there is only one you. That makes you very special . Be yourself and don't try too hard to be perfect none of us are. Be true to yourself and remember that you are not a victim you are a survivor. Don't be afraid to tell it as it is . Learn to love yourself first then others will to . These are your best times because yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery, all we have is today the here and now and that's a gift and that's why we call it the present. I care and i have never met you or never will but you are not alone. I have been there along with many . I am here you are here so time to grow and blossom in the knowledge no one can hurt you anymore.

 

[Quakegirl]

Except for my grown children, who live in different states, I cut myself off from everyone....

When I say I'm isolated from my family, I mean I've left the fam home for now...I still see my H and kids (both have left home) but I am not in any state to live with anyone on a full time basis or even see friends. I feel too volatile and symptomatic.

 

[Quakegirl]

Firstly you need to value yourself and how important you are to those who love and care about you....

Thanks, Robert, it's what I am working towards but the gulf seems very wide between here and there.

"time go grow and blossom in the knowledge no one can hurt you any more..."

I really long to feel this way, but I am still very stuck in feeling that pretty much everyone in my world, except my kids and esp my husband and T...will hurt me. Even when I can see there is no logic behind this, it feels very real.