How Did You Meet Your Closest Friends?

[sun seeker]

I have no clue how to be around others without being, i dont know the words for it, feeling like someone is squeezing my insides, feels tight and rigid and each move calculated and planned.

I wish you had a chance to do some somatic therapy. When I read your description of what happens in your body when you think about interacting, it's very vivid. I feel that working on being social on a body level might be more helpful, or at least as helpful, as working on concrete social skills while trying to override those physical sensations. I am guessing your therapist doesn't work this way but I keep thinking how helpful it might be.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I am guessing your therapist doesn't work this way

No, my therapist isnt a somatic therapist. I heard how benefitial it can be but im used to the therapies we do and not so sure i would be as ok with concentrating on my body as i am with what we do. Some are and some arent so I dont know. Never done it.

Edited: my bad, wrong thread @sun seeker. Y'all need to get avitars as im getting all the no avitars folks confused lol.

 

[KeepingTime]

Lost I have thought...
As someone already said, you are very social here, very compassionate, helpful and a good friend :). So you are capable of friendship.

Next, you mention before your accident or before being aware of your past, before ptsd symptoms that you lived away, on your own. Knew your neighbors Etc.

You mention the squeezing in your stomach at the thought of being around ppl, in public always having an exit plan. That in itself sounds like panic. Which can be eased by exposure over time.

Having said all of that, I have tried to think of what makes it easy for me to chit chat with strangers. I am a typical southerner...never meet a stranger. Tho This last recent trauma incident of robbery and kidnapping at gunpoint 10 months ago has slowed me down a lot. Always hyper vigilant, fear of public places etc.

But that didn't change my ability to make chit chat with someone in a grocery check out if I went with my husband and knew I was safe. Does that make any sense? It's like separating the fears. The fear of public and the fear of talking to ppl. Separate them and really examine what about each is so fearful.

To deal with the fear of public places A little at a time my t has encouraged me to go to a grocery sore for a set amount of time. Start with 5 minutes and increase gradually. He says no matter how you feel! Grrrr but it works.

But my guess is that for you it's not so much about public places. You go to work, hell you even go to Walmart! Lol I can't do that one.

I think for you the change is that you are afraid that if you make eye contact with ppl, or speak to them, they will see through you. They will see all things bad inside of you...your past. All the things you think you did wrong...everything you feel shame about. I think this and I may be wrong, but in all my small talk and chit chat with ppl I can't make eye contact for this reason. The eyes are like the window into the soul and I am afraid everyone will see all the bad that I see in my head.

I know so many ppl. I grew up here. We ran a business that was open to the public, and as they say "fake it till you make it". I was a social worker before the "fall"! WTH how did I do that. Home visits and all. But that was before my breakdown. Before I KNEW who I was and all the shameful things. Talk about doing a total 180.
I have one very dear friend of 18 yrs. I happened to meet her in a psych hospital in the middle of my meltdown and she was in hers. So we already had common ground. We started off seeing the worst in each other so it could only get better. :)

Anyway, I didn't mean to get so wordy, but whether any of this resonates with you or not, I hope that you can really look at the WHY and take a chance.
And as we already talked about once, the dog park is a great place for you to start. :)

And I just got a coloring book too! I broke my foot and I have been in a cast on my right foot for over a week so I can't drive. I've got serious cabin fever!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Anyway, I didn't mean to get so wordy

I dont mind wordy, wordy is good!

you are afraid that if you make eye contact with ppl, or speak to them, they will see through you. They will see all things bad inside of you...your past. All the things you think you did wrong...everything you feel shame about.

YES YES YES YES YES! Did I say YES?

Eyes are what I draw first in my art, for a reason. They hold all of my emotions and its what draws people. If I can draw people to the eyes, I did the piece well!

I cannot look people in the eyes. I look between their eyes to make it look like im making eye contact but i cant and if I do I have to look away, I cannot keep eye contact.

Same with my therapist though if I were to practice it, he would be the only person I could practice it with.

I go to Walmart but its a duck, run, out. I dont stay long unless i need something to stay long for. Im in and out of stores faster than anyone.

Crowds bother me. I have a fear of being mugged, jumped, robbed etc so the more people the more terror. I disassociated fully in Walmart where i dont remember how i got from point A to point B but that only happened once. Im lucky the cops/911 wasnt called as i was in the bathroom saying "dont hurt me" over and over when i "woke up".

I think starting on an open place like the dog park is a good start too. So does my therapist.

 

[Ellabella44]

I lost my closest friend when I had my breakdown / onset of symptoms. I have had friends online, one who I have been friends with for a long time. I met any friends I have now in online games.

I have been trying to make myself interact. I love to read t shirts so I have picked that as one thing to mention when trying to engage someine in conversation. one guy at the pet supply store where the cat shelter I volunteer for has a space for adoptable cats. every day he has a new crazy saying t shirt. so I am practicing with him.

if I order food at a restaurant, and the waitress has a nice tattoo or bracelet on, I comment on it for practice. she would not have bothered to get the tattoo or wear the bracelet if it wasnt important to her. I find something I like about their appearance and it has been a good ice breaker.

I found a meetup that is a free qi gong class in my area and I will be attempting to keep practicing on ice breakers there. I have been hesitant because of pain to get out and exercise, but even gentle movement is supposed to help with fibromyalgia pain.

I also plan to remind myself that people online like me, think im funny, and approachable. whether im just typing or talking through an online gaming audio chat system. live people are just a step up from that.

you are confident here. maybe think of what we think of you as something like above to build your confidence on in the real world.

 

[Lionheart]

I met my current girlfriend while in the armed services....I just walked up and starting talking to her.

My best friend I met at an amusement center where they had Foosball tournaments, pool tables etc. and he just started talking to me out of the blue about different things.

Still, I have to say that I've met friends through work and through other friends, most of the time.

 

[Virtues]

I was trying to think of how to describe my best friend... I've been missing him today... The best way I can describe him is with the following video

 

[lostforgottensoul]

The best way I can describe him is with the following video

That awesome! What movie is that?

Sounds like he was a great friend! It doesnt suprise me as a Vet has your back like no other no matter the title though Marines are the most badass & loyal people Ive met.

My very first landord was a Marine Recon and he was the best man ever. I couldnt of been luckier. He knew some shit went down and took me under his wing like a big brother!

 

[Virtues]

The movie is "The Town"

I just called my bff because his dog was killed in a car accident. I haven't talked to him in about a month, and he was obviously pretty down. I miss him now and wish we could just get together, but as fate has it, it's probably going to be a couple months before that happens. Current status: missing my brother.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Current status: missing my brother.

I hope you guys can get together soon!

My ex-landlord was super amazing at knowing when something was wrong and that I was lying to him about how ok I was. He is just an amazing man! I dont think I could have done as well at 19 as I did if he wasnt my landlord.

I think he had PTSD as well (though this is years before my diagnosis) but I thought Id joke around and scare him coming around a corner and he had me against a wall pinned by my neck before I could blink. Took him a few mins to snap out of it and then he spent the next long while yelling at me. "You dont do that to someone that was in the military". Obviously I know better today with a lot more knowledge but back then I was young and stupid.

 

[Virtues]

I hope you guys can get together soon!

My ex-landlord was super amazing at knowing when some...

We have plans of meeting up in the fall.

Sounds like you were lucky to have a friend like that. I'm sure he felt bad after he yelled at you (from experience) he was probably just scared and acting out of instincts and then didn't know what to do afterwards as he was already all amped up. It takes a while for the military discipline to leave once it's re-injected into the bloodstream lol.

 

[VikVikViktorious]

Weed