Sufferer How Do I Save This Mess I Created?

[Cufflinks]

Hi, I'm new to the forum. I'm an ex-Navy vet from the Falklands War (1982) which whilst not that long in duration involved non-stop air and missle attacks over several months. Afterwards I "braindumped" every stress, worry, memory I had to a friend who wanted to listen and generally got on with my life.

Over the last 13 or so years things have started returning, flashbacks, insomnia, uncontrollable emotions (usually related to some kind of anniversary), drinking too much and most damaging of all, temper.

I have now faced up to the fact that I need to address stuff although I fear I have left it too late. An argument with my wife over needing to spend some time with her led me to say some really hurtful things which has finally pushed her over the edge. She now wants a divorce as she says that although she loves me, she can't put up with any more. I can't blame her but since the argument I have been to see my Doctor, registered with Combat Stress, stopped drinking, admitted total fault, apologized completely and generally done everything to show that I'm facing up to being totally stupid and trying to deal with it.

I don't know what else I can do. I love my wife dearly and don't want to lose her or my family.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

Wow, you have had a wake up call and huge well done to you for the steps you are taking. I hope for both of you that they help.

There is plenty of information and support here for both sufferers and supporters. Maybe ask you wife to look at the supporters section and maybe join the forum herself.

For you, as well as this forum there is also our sister site My Combat PTSD (link on the black banner at the foot of the page.

Nice to meet you.
KP

 

[Cufflinks]

Maybe ask you wife to look at the supporters section and maybe join the forum herself.

If only it were that easy. She knows the efforts I'm making but "can't see any other option" and is "tired of walking on eggshells every day".

 

[KP the nut]

If only it were that easy.

No it won't be easy for either of you, but it may help her to understand how you have been and also to see that others feel the same as she does.

Even if you are apart for a while, she may change her decision. As you said she still loves you and that means an awful lot.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

I second what KP is saying. She is very wise.

Best wishes.

 

[Cufflinks]

She is very wise.

She is wise and beautiful and I have been lucky and proud to have her as a wife and my best friend. I'll try to get her to take a look although I fear the worst.

I have resolved to rid myself of this thing or at least bring it back under control. I can cope with the flashbacks and the emotion and I think she could too. I have made a promise to no longer drink and I will keep it. It's the temper that's doing all the damage. That I HAVE to fix. I have asked my Doctor about going on an anger management course and am awaiting his call. I'm also looking forward to counceling. Luckily, veterans get fast-tracked through waiting lists so am waiting as patiently as possible.

I would do anything to undo the damage I have done. I feel like my life is in total bits (which it is). This bust up has me totally shifted my axis and I am ashamed of how I've made my wife feel.

 

[zbztster]

I would suggest that if you can afford it try a separation for awhile (a year or two as an alternate to divorce). Try to find another place to live that will be conducive to your health and close enough so it isn't a struggle to be with your wife occasionally. Give yourselves some space while you work out a few things. This is what I should have done. It's too late now. Perhaps you will both find the peace you need to lead you back to your roots and rebuild your relationship with these new dynamics in mind.

 

[KP the nut]

You want to change and take steps to manage your symptoms and that is a big start to the battle ahead. I say battle because it isn't easy, sometimes it will be so many steps forward and then slip back again.

My trauma is different but I am managing my symptoms. Some days are hard but when I look back at where I was, the difference is incredible. Part of that is thanks to a great therapist and support form my husband. But this forum has also played a huge part.

The forum is where people 'get it'. I've never been judged and neither are others no matter what they say.

 

[Cufflinks]

I second what KP is saying. She is very wise.

I may have read your posting incorrectly. My reply was about my wife, not KP!!!

 

[KP the nut]

My reply was about my wife, not KP

I guess that when you said she is wise and beautiful :roflmao:. I mean, I am but I knew what you meant ;)

 

[Trembling]

I would suggest that if you can afford it try a separation for awhile (a year or two as an alternate to divorce). Try to find another place to live that will be conducive to your health and close enough so it isn't a struggle to be with your wife occasionally. Give yourselves some space while you work out a few things.

Welcome! I am or I was the supporting wife, and I just can say one thing, if you are not too late, and you will not find out if you do not have time, you really should consider the above!

I do understand your wife though, it is very hard, even if you love, and at one stage you just cannot believe anymore.

I wish for you both that you can work it out.

 

[Whitneys story]

Welcome to the Forum, As you can see we have a very sincere and real mix of members.

I wish you success on your journey. Allow yourself to understand it won't fix overnight. With work all things are possible. You are no longer alone!