How to approach time off for therapy with manager

[Eliza]

Hello.

I'm really struggling at the moment, and after over four months of waiting, I have finally been offered CBT. But I don't know how to broach the topic with my boss. I have been in counselling for a while now, but I have been going early in the morning, so I don't miss any time at work. The only appointment CBT can offer me is 5.30, meaning I will need to leave work half an hour early.

I think she is aware of my PTSD, but I'm not sure. I haven't told her directly, but I had to take a week off work following the trauma, so I am assuming she knows it affected me.

I don't know how best to broach the subject. Do I say I've been diagnosed? Do I just say I've had some anxiety? Or do I lie and say I have meetings?

I know she will be really understanding, but I don't want her to see me or treat me any differently in the office.

Does that make sense?

Anybody else have similar experiences?

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Is it possible to work that extra half hour another day, or come in a half hour early that day, to make up for it so there's no interrupting your work flow? If so, I'd focus more on that when asking than I would the details of why you need the time. I'd leave the explanation short and simple...that you have some upcoming appointments you need to tend to that will help you improve your self-care and need the time off to make it happen. Beyond that is really none of her business.

 

[Eliza]

Hi Tornadic Thoughts.
I did as you said, I told her I was going to CBT, but I didn't say why. I also said I would make up the time in the morning.
I'm so nervous about starting therapy, I just know I'm going to be a mess all day at work tomorrow.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Perhaps flip that thought of knowing for certain you'll be a mess all day to, "Wow. I'm finally going to have a chance to learn how to better handle all this shit I've been dealt." (or in any way that brings you less dread and more hope, as our energy constantly flows right to wherever our a-tension goes)

If you have any grounding techniques that you know for sure soothe you, start practicing them more often, like every single chance you get, most especially when you aren't feeling overwhelmed so it'll help more once the overwhelm kicks into full gear.

Breathe deeply and often (I only say that as I've found it to be a HUGE anxiety reliever for my particular biology...and it's free and available 24/7) and remind yourself that what you're doing is simply considered part of your self-care routine (which changes as we go and grow) and has become necessary at this time, thanks to the actions of others.

You mentioned your boss as being understanding....that alone is priceless. Wishing you wellness and some peace of mind in your pursuit of relief.

 

[watundah]

well, i had a boss who was oblivious so i took 2 hour lunches once a week. he usually took later lunch or i hope he assumed i was in a mtg., etc. worked for years but unusual, maybe, depending on your job.

 

[Eliza]

Thanks.
I very rarely have meetings outside my office, and for those my boss usually accompanies me. Now I've okayed it with my boss, I feel better about it. She hasn't mentioned it again since she emailed and said ok.
My concern now is that my coworkers will ask where I'm going and I will have to tell them. They know I was on the bridge during the Westminster attack, but I think they think I've dealt with it and it's in the past. So I'm not sure how to tell them.
I'm hoping for the first few weeks I can just say I have doctors appointments, blood tests etc, as I have epilepsy, so they won't question it too much.
As for the therapy itself, I am switching between looking forward to finally dealing with the issues and being able to talk about it without making anyone uncomfortable. (When I mention it to my friends I get weird, sympathetic looks.) But I'm also nervous that it will bring up anxious feelings and awful memories. And it's the latter that is more prominent in my mind today!
Lots of deep breathing required! And I also literally use the feel of my feet on the floor to keep me grounded and in the present.
And I'm meeting a friend after therapy who I have not seen in two years, so I'm keeping that in mind as a positive today.

There is also a high probability that I will spend a lot of time on this forum today to keep me calm too!

 

[BM2A]

Hi Eliza,
I went through something similar at work. I would just check in with your policies whether you need to inform them of a new diagnosis, just to cover yourself. I didn't and then it came out and I was disciplined by a HR manager for breaking a policy.

Your colleagues really don't need to know, its your private life.

I found therapy so beneficial for my issues but there were days i needed off work through dealing with it. Switching from work to therapy to work can be hard. Dont expect too much, be kind to yourself. The Westminster Attacks, I cant imagine what it was like to be there. I was near when the Manchester bomb went off and that was scary enough.

You are doing so well in starting therapy x

 

[The Albatross]

So far as your coworkers - you don't have to address it at all if you don't want to. What you say, when or if you say is entirely up to you. "I have a personal issue that requires a series of appointments but I'd prefer not to discuss it please & thank you" if necessary can be good enough.

 

[Eliza]

Thanks both.
I think I will just say that I've changed my hours on Tuesdays. If I say I've changed to 9-5 on Tuesdays and I got permission from the manager, I can't imagine they will probe too much.
If nothing else, the thought of therapy has given me a lot of nervous energy, so I went on a walk on my lunch break to burn some of it off, which I have stopped doing since the attacks.