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How To Feel Safe?

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Jerseygirl93

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Hi y'all. So my abuser is on the same campus as me and it makes me so hypervigilant. I'm sick of this feeling but I don't know how to feel safe. I hunch up, I death grip whatever I'm holding and I'm constantly walking fast and checking around me at all times. What do you do to help decrease your hypervigilance?
 
Hi! I had a similar situation too. Finally managed to escape my abusive situation, but my abuser still went to the same university I did and so unfortunately I saw him and reminders of him EVERYWHERE. Even after he graduated I felt afraid, couldn't concentrate, constantly speed walked and was short of breath.

Sorry I don't know much of your history, but were you abused on campus? I was and it made it a heck of a lot worse... in hindsight I should have looked into transferring somewhere else. So if that's an option maybe look into it, for your mental health/personal safety. But if you can't/don't want to do that, could you alert campus security to what your abuser did? That might make you feel a little safer, if someone with power to help you knows about the situation.
I think it's like dealing with any trigger, albeit a very intense one... have you got grounding exercises you can draw on? Breathing, self-talk, simple observations of what's around you? Do you have any friends you can confide in, who can stay with you when you need them? Again in hindsight I think I needed to understand that I had limits, and not get mad at myself for that. Sometimes you just aren't up to going to that class, hanging out in that part of campus, doing that assignment right now, etc. Sometimes its better to just take some time out for your health and apply for marking consideration (or whatever you guys call it in America). I used to treat myself a lot too... if I was having a crappy day, I'd buy a coffee or chocolate and enjoy it in the sun, or go lie on the grass and relax instead of studying during breaks (if there's somewhere around your campus your abuser would never bother to go, and that doesn't remind you of them... easier said than done I know).
 
I originally met my abuser through tutor at school ,so until i finished school he chose to sit next to me for the 25 minutes a day.Later i moved to 6th form which i have just finished my first yr , he also decided to stay on at the same place and due to my friends being friends with his friends it was difficult to avoid him but he has left to join the army which makes my life easier.

I found it easier to cope by letting my friends know as some had lessons with him so they would tell me when he wasnt . Trying grounding methods and trying to create a safe space helps ,i would go for a coffee with friends and that would help ,so now every time i buy a coffee just holding the paper cup calms me down. Also wearing a nice perfume or smell helps me as it makes me feel safe.The main thing i find helps is friends ,i know its difficult to open up but they help me get through every day.
 
I was abused on campus which makes it hell on earth for me. I've been jumpy paranoid and jumping down everyone's throat for the past couple days. So. Frustrating.
 
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