How To Talk To About Your Trama/emdr

[Nicole0317]

I just recently started therapy and next visit will only be my third visit and I'm like freaking out because she asked if we could talk about IT (aka trama) and I can't even imagine doing that but at the same time I don't know how to tell her that i mean. I am so scared I'm going to have a panic attack or something in front of her and I practically have one everyday I can even name or say what happened to me was called. And it's just to hard to talk about I mean the most smallest simplest things can cause one. How do you talk about something so traumatic to you. It doesn't help either that I'm only 14 and she's like what 28 or older and it takes me a long time to trust people let alone talk about IT to someone I hardly know. And she had me try this Emdr thing last visit but it was very un-comfortable and I tried to find what she called a safe place but I don't really I have a safe place every place I think of starts of safe and becomes terrifying and even when I can think of a safe place i can never switch gears . But the biggest issue is the talking about IT. I seriously need to tell her that I'm not ready to do that yet but what if she dosen't lest me not talk about IT ?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Run?

Please see the thread about EMDR going wrong. I don't mean to scare you, but if a therapist tries to do EMDR on you in only your second visit, the therapist does not know what he/she is doing. This may seem like a stretch, a sweeping generalization if you will, but the truth is that it takes more than two sessions to assess the stability of the client and the suitability of EMDR for said client.

A good trauma therapist will take a number of sessions to ensure that a client is stable. (And when I say a number of sessions, this could involve quite a few sessions as some people require over a year+ to stabilize.) This will involve teaching the client grounding skills, coping skills, and self-soothing skills, as well as ensuring that the client has created a safe place to go to when EMDR gets rough. Did she teach you about finding a safe place and practice going to your safe place with you?

I honestly don't think you're ready to talk about IT just yet. If she is a good therapist, she won't force you to talk about IT at all. It is ALWAYS your choice as to whether or not talk about your trauma. I know it is difficult because you're 14 and she's an adult, but please don't let her force you into doing something you're not comfortable with.

 

[Nicole0317]

Well she didn't force me into doing anything I just have issues telling her when something is uncomfortable before we do anything she always asks me if its uncomfortable or a touchy subject but I can't bring my sled to say no. I really don't like saying no to adult figures but I know she's a good therapist she's been doing this for 15years and my mom is also seeing her but I can't help but wonder if my parents told her about IT or what happened because they don't even know the whole story because I didn't tell them everything when I was younger and what if she thinks that all that happend was that tiny part my parents know

 

[seedling]

My experience has been that my therapists usually tell me I don't have to talk about it. I'm glad that she is checking with you about how you feel about a subject.

Is there a way you could write down what you said above and show it to her? I think it may help her to understand where you are at.

I'm sorry its so hard for you to say what you want. It seems difficult that your parents are seeing the same person. Those are real challenges that would make therapy harder for anyone. Things that need a strategy to deal with.

You don't need to say or do anything in therapy you don't want to. I remember someone on the forum saying that she was unable to speak for quite a few of her beginning sessions. Her therapist played a game with her (I think she was in her 20s).

Good luck in therapy, you are brave to go and work on dealing with things. Take your time and be easy on yourself.

 

[ghotiff]

I write this as a 40ish year old female who suffered child sexual abuse for many years outside the home.

Firstly because of my childhood I am extremely overprotective of young women (such as yourself). 16 is a tricky age even with a perfect childhood, please be gentle with yourself.

The first thing I suggest to do is to write your T a note, email or SMS stating that you are not ready to talk about IT and you would like assurances that your T will not encourage you to do so yet. Having this assurance should take some of the fear away.

The first number of sessions with a T are about building a relationship of trust and understanding and this is built from trivial everyday type discussions. It took me 6mths with my T before I discussed anything about my abuse and I still have told her basically nothing.

I am learning a lot from my T even without discussing the details of my abuse, so for you, there is no rush to discuss IT, there is a lot to be gained without discussing IT.

If your T won't give you assurances, this is a bad sign.

Another concern I have is that it's my understanding that T's should not see multiple members of the same family, so it concerns me that she is seeing your mother also. But, maybe some more experienced members can comment further on this.

Please post as much as you need. We are here to help each other.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I understand how difficult therapy is for you right now. It is the bravest thing you can do. It's perfectly OK for it to take a long time to open up your innermost reality. It sounds like you are struggling with "safe place" and also safe people. Trauma has that effect on people. You can take all the time you need to express yourself. I have been with my current therapist for two years. I went to him on the recommendation of a friend who had a positive experience with EMDR with him. He is a trauma specialist. He still doesn't think I have enough strength and still am too anxious and dissociative to undertake EMDR. Most, if not al, trauma experts agree that it can take years to help guide a person with PTSD out of the dark. Therapy is hopefully a place that you can learn coping skills that will make it possible for you to heal from your trauma. No need to rush it. Having a place that you feel safe is a lot of work. By the way, you are safe here on the forum. You can PM me anytime. I will help you to the best of my ability.

My first therapist started out as my sons therapist and he was so great and helpful, I trusted him. After five years I still hadn't talked about IT. When I finally broke my silence it was life changing. But I know without a doubt that I needed time to conquer my anxiety, dread, depression and fear. It's the work of the world, take some deep breaths and keep moving forward.

 

[Nicole0317]

Thanks for the advice I sent her a email I mean I wrote her one similar to what I put on here a few days ago but I just sent it.

 

[joeylittle]

it's my understanding that T's should not see multiple members of the same family, so it concerns me that she is seeing your mother also. But, maybe some more experienced members can comment further on this.

In the US, a therapist can see members of the same family providing they are doing it with an understanding of their confidentiality obligations. When people go to family therapy it's not uncommon for the therapist to also see members of the family individually. The burden is much higher on the therapist to be super-clear about their boundaries and their ethics.

I also think that when someone is good at seeing members of the same family, when you tell them that you aren't comfortable speaking openly, they are going to help you get set up with your own individual therapist. Maybe it's just like anything - the good ones are pretty obviously good, and the bad ones are overly controlling.

@Nicole0317 - you're doing really great. And you never have to talk about anything you aren't ready to. It might not ever feel like its going to be comfortable, but as long as you keep checking in with yourself, and being patient, you will probably be able to talk about it when you are ready to. It's OK to trust yourself.

 

[mrsps]

I would expect any decent T would know that trauma clients struggle with talking about their trauma and wouldn't push the person to talk about until trust is gained.
It is a really slow process its not something that can be solved in a couple of months. I hope you can communicate with your T that you are not ready yet and can let them know when you are not comfortable with something.
I wish you well :)

 

[Neverthesame]

Personally I would recommend first talking about this. Not your trauma, but your fear of discussing it.

It would be a better idea for your therapist to begin with teaching you methods of grounding yourself, so when you feel overwhelmed, you can calm down. This will help you feel less out of control. You will still feel like your riding a massive freight train of terror, but at least you will know where the break pedal is.

Do also bear in mind, grounding techniques take alot of repetition and practice to actually be effective. So don't be discouraged when they don't do much right away. Keep practicing, it really does work.

You might also consider discuss with your therapist a way for you to alert her when you are overwhelmed and need to stop. This will also help you build confidence and trust in them, knowing that you are in control of the progress, that you can be confident that you are not being pushed to do more than you can handle.

 

[Neverthesame]

Oh and don't forget, she works for you. She is employed by some other company, or government institution, but she works for you. ;)

 

[Friday]

I keep reading the title as "How NOT To Talk About Your Trauma". Cough. And get really excited for half a second... And then. Oh. Right. Talking. Damn.

...but what if she dosen't lest me not talk about IT ?

As many of us have had guns to our heads, or knives to our throats, or loved ones threatened (or hurt) to make us do things we don't wish to do... Or have been locked up to prevent our leaving... Or have been punished to breaking points if we refuse... Forced.

Pause.

Ask yourself this question: How can she make you do anything?

She can't. There is no gun, no knife, no punishment, no threat. You are in control. It is your choice, always, not hers.