I appreciated reading this thread - a helpful reminder to check feelings rather than only thoughts which don't get me anywhere (or blur along in numbness).
I feel sad and angry. My partner just does not want to talk about this stuff; denial and submerging in the minutia of daily living is where she's at. I don't have anyone just to talk to about this. The counselor is different - we're working. I want (need? is that a need I wonder?) affection, connection, support, to be understood. I wish there was an in-person group in my town, but it's a college town and a very, very transient/non-cohesive community.
I feel lonely.
The book I'm reading (Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman) is bringing up a lot. First is the incredible relief to finally have my experience mirrored in a way that I was never able to articulate and a sense, for the first time, that the symptoms aren't ME; they're symptoms. But insomnia is back, the disocciation is increasing, and this sense that I'm standing at the mouth of a trail that leads into a dark and dangerous forest. I am afraid. And I also have just the littlest bit of confidence that I can, and will, walk through it.
But mostly, right now, I feel sad. And pissy as hell that I have to work.
Dylan
