Relationship I’m stumped please help

[JoJoBeeb]

Does PTSD cause the sufferer to point blame at the supporter and/or the relationship? I feel like we have a few fights or misunderstandings and one day we have a bigger fight because I’ve lost my patience and all of a sudden we’re breaking up... if he’s got a lot of stressors in his life is it easier to point blame at the relationship? We have things to work on for sure but he always seems to say that everything else in his life is fine, and it’s “this relationship that’s holding him back” or “making him unhappy”... when you’re constantly a grump bc you’re stressed and we lose focus on our relationship needs... of course it’s unhappy... so is this PTSD causing him to want to leave? We were happy for 7 months until all the stressors came into play and now he’s blaming the relationship instead of the stressors... I’m confused

 

[Sweetpea76]

There is no way of knowing if the issues in your relationship are due to PTSD or not. Seven months is still very much the "getting to know each other" phase, and it could be normal relationship issues coming out. Or it could be too much for him if he is dealing with a lot of stressors.

PTSD can be hard on relationships for sure... just don't fall into the trap of blaming everything he says or does on it.

 

[JM318]

There is no way of knowing if the issues in your relationship are due to PTSD or not. Seven months...

I didn’t clarify, we’ve been together over 4 years now. 7 months was the period of when we got back together after a separation to symptoms occuring.

That’s a good point on blaming PTSD on everything. I’m literally afraid to even say PTSD bc he gets angry and thinks it’s not an issue at all in our lives. So I don’t bring it up. I’m just unsure why the relationship is always to blame, why can’t you just admit there’s a lot of other shit going on and you need time for yourself to decompress? I’m getting really tired of the back and forth

 

[Catlady4]

I can sort of relate to you. I feel like my boyfriend takes his stress out on me sometimes... recently it’s been mostly him shutting down and avoiding me for a long time, but he used to start arguments over things that didn’t even seem to be an issue or worth arguing about and then act like I was the enemy just because I denied something or tried to get my point across to him....

 

[Sweetpea76]

Sometimes PTSD sufferers are just plain not healthy enough to function in a relationship. I'd ask myself if this was how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. This may be as good as it gets.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m really confused. Are you using multiple usernames?

 

[JM318]

I’m really confused. Are you using multiple usernames?

Yes, I figured out the problem though. It was letting me post new threads or respond because earlier I was signed into my computer but now I’m on my phone... my phone was signed in as a guest, sorry for the confusion

 

[JM318]

Sometimes PTSD sufferers are just plain not healthy enough to function in a relationship. I'd ask my...

It’s amazing when we’re good. And then when it gets bad, it lingers until it gets really bad. I want to be able to pinpoint when it starts to get bad, so he can tell me he needs space.. to avoid the breaking up part. He always refers to it as “spiraling backwards”

 

[Sweetpea76]

Is there more amazing than bad?

 

[JM318]

I can sort of relate to you. I feel like my boyfriend takes his stress out on me sometimes... recently...

Yes we’ll lately mine has had too many stressors so I try to be there for him, but I also have my own things going on. It gets lonely sometimes, bc he keeps busy constantly, and then either hangs in the garage to smoke, take the dog for a long walk to wind down, or he’ll spend an hour in the bathroom before bed. There’s been no “us” time so I would tell him that we need more time together, and the request would be ignored and forgotten. When we’re fighting and I say “well, I’ve told you I wanted to spend more time together” he tells me he doesn’t want to be around me or to spend time with me. Which is strange because don’t get me wrong, we do spend time together... we do yard work, we went to the movies recently, we talk normally to each other, eat dinner together, but when I mean we need time together I mean... during the work week, we need to make a point to cuddle on the couch or be affectionate... most nights he falls asleep on the couch or I’m on the couch and he’s in bed. There is no romance, but he told me he is too tired and stressed to want romance. So the few times I asked him in the recent past, he’s told me it’s not anything to do with me and that he’s very much attracted to me. Now that we’re fighting and he’s triggered - it is me? Why did he lie? Or why is he changing the story? I feel like he makes things up in his mind.. or he’s dishonest and then honesty comes out when he’s symptomatic, or he’s honest and then dishonest when he’s symptomatic... I have no idea. Either way he can’t handle whatever he’s going through and he puts the blame on me or emotionally abuses me because he knows I won’t leave (by my own choice only if he initiated a break up) And then when we do break up, he sees how I hold myself together without him and he wants me back. I’m tired of this all. He says he wants a peaceful life but I feel as if he causes the distruptions in our life and prolongs arguments and hardships.

 

[JM318]

Is there more amazing than bad?

I think so. Today he said the bad outweighs the good, but when he’s not symptomatic he’ll tell you the opposite. That’s why I hate this. When he’s symptomatic, all rationale is thrown out the door. It’s as if everything is mirrored and he makes himself believe that everything is worse than it is to push away. How do I compete with that? His symptomatic reality is different than reality....

 

[Catlady4]

Yes we’ll lately mine has had too many stressors so I try to be there for him, but I also have my own t...

My boyfriend does the same where I ask for more time together and he ignores it, then when it comes up in an argument he’s told me similar things like he cant talk to me or that I’m always so predictable so we have nothing to talk about. But he also says “I want to talk to you”, “I miss spending time with you” or stuff when he’s busy but then he shuts down when he gets home...
It’s really a rollarcoaster ride...
I think it must be a PTSD related reaction to stress...
Maybe their mind really turns us into the enemy at that point, or they push us away in a desperate attempt for space...
Idk...