Defaultxlove
MyPTSD Pro
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I'm trying not to feed into negative self talk but it's really hard to find a reason to keep going. Even on days that feel great I still have barely any motivationI am sorry you are struggling @goosegoose. Please be gentle with yourself.
Replying to both you and @StillPen , I did consider a crisis chat but my experience with them has been kinda iffy in general. Thank you both and everyone else who's been checking in and stuff :(Hey Goosegoose how are you?
I have called the crisis line more times than I can count. I recognize some of the CP’s and one remembers me. Let me tell you that it is a roll of the dice—like Forrest Gump said, “You never know what you’re going to get.” Recognizing that not every person is going to be a gold star helper is useful. Because just calling the crisis line is a huge win in my book! It took me years of thinking about it before I called the first time. And I was so afraid that I hung up several times before ever allowing someone to try helping me. I also fawned a bunch, and tried to get off as soon as possible. The first time I let someone help me and allowed myself to feel her care it threw me into a massive dissociative episode afterward.my experience with them has been kinda iffy in general.
That’s a good sign to call. You deserve to be listened to when you feel pressed up against the wall by your own defenses.you should just do it, just do it, f*cking do it, why not just do it
This is good to see you considering. It doesn’t sound like a good match from what you’ve written.I'm not actually sure we were a good match, or if I was even ready for DBT.
Thank you, it means a lot :((Uh that's such an uncomfortable place :( I know you need to accept love to yourself, just not sure what that can be for you right now. Gentle hugs. :( listening.
Oh no worries at all I truly love to talk.Thank you, it means a lot :((
I'm really not sure what accepting self love would even look or feel like. I can imagine and also act on like taking a bubble bath or watching a favorite TV show but it's all physical actions. The internal dialogue while physically doing things hasn't been able to catch up.
Apologies if this was more of a response than you were expecting!
Those are a lot of good points about the crisis lines. There's actually someone I recognize on my end, and they've been a little helpful in the past. Definitely can relate to you going into dissociation after letting someone care for you. A few years back when I was still doing in person sessions with the best T I've ever had, she was ushering me out the door and she like kind of waved her hand a little, not at me, just showing gentle body language but my body jerked away from her so strongly that I almost hit the door frame. I kinda laughed awkwardly and gave her finger guns then bolted the hell out of there.I have called the crisis line more times than I can count. I recognize some of the CP’s and one remembers me. Let me tell you that it is a roll of the dice—like Forrest Gump said, “You never know what you’re going to get.” Recognizing that not every person is going to be a gold star helper is useful. Because just calling the crisis line is a huge win in my book! It took me years of thinking about it before I called the first time. And I was so afraid that I hung up several times before ever allowing someone to try helping me. I also fawned a bunch, and tried to get off as soon as possible. The first time I let someone help me and allowed myself to feel her care it threw me into a massive dissociative episode afterward.
So many baby steps— So many opportunities to practice self-forgiveness! I encourage you to recognize that if you get to this point,
That’s a good sign to call. You deserve to be listened to when you feel pressed up against the wall by your own defenses.
One down side is that you don’t have a therapist to follow up with, and crisis lines usually want you to do that for SI calls—they will give you referrals if you don’t have a regular T. Glad you have the EMDR T at least. Did your previous T give you referrals? Can the EMDR T give you referrals? Are you searching? Don’t give up. BPD does not carry the stigma it used to have, now it’s recognized as a trauma response, and if it is daunting for the T they’re probably not trained to support you with your needs.
This is good to see you considering. It doesn’t sound like a good match from what you’ve written.
Kind of a mix of all of the above but at different moments. The negative self talk is there mostly when I'm really depressed or having SI. I was actually kind of surprised, I was thinking about it recently and I don't really have...any self talk? If I do, it's shaming or guilting myself typically. There's a "something else" category in there still, I just don't know whatOh no worries at all I truly love to talk.
Do you have negative self talk? Put yourself down? Turn away from things you like easily because you don't feel good enough? Or is it something else?
Sure I understand. It can be quite the mess to sort through. But you're doing it. And I'm happy for you!Kind of a mix of all of the above but at different moments. The negative self talk is there mostly when I'm really depressed or having SI. I was actually kind of surprised, I was thinking about it recently and I don't really have...any self talk? If I do, it's shaming or guilting myself typically. There's a "something else" category in there still, I just don't know what