I feel like i failed, cannot tolerate dbt

[Scarlet13]

So, the other day I attempted DBT group for the second time. Both times I have dropped it after 1 session.

It was run by a great leader, but I could not tolerate all the people sharing. I know this sounds snobby. I liked when the leader was talking, but any time any one else shared it was overwhelming and annoying and it all sort of sunk into me. Like there was this guy who was depressed and shared how he used to drink and smoke and this was triggering to me. I absorbed his depression in a way.
So I spoke with the leader and quit DBT. I felt like a failure. Its like what is the difference between me being a consumer and choosing to heal in different ways and me being avoidant?
I am in trauma therapy and my T does not teach DBT but will weave it in. I got really bad a couple of weeks ago. It felt like my complex PTSD came at me like a tidal wave. I was having a ton of suicidal thoughts so she suggested DBT.
Right before I started the group I went to the mountains and completed a week long painting intensive. I came back and my symptoms were drastically reduced. I am a narrative artist and this work allows me to feel calm and to be mindful in ways that I cannot reach in DBT.
Another reason why I quit DBT is so I have the funds and time to take more art classes as this is really important and good for me.
My T has also slowed down the trauma work and this has helped. I already have had 3 years of ACT from my psychiatrist. I also have studied DBT skills on my own. I know I got bad, but I am stable now after slowing down and simply doing more art. Does getting bad for a few weeks warrant 8 mos of DBT?
I know my gut instinct told me to quit the group, but I just feel insecure now. Like, did I make the right decision? I have CPTSD shouldn't I be in individual therapy and group?

I just can't stand the group, I am too sensitive and introverted. I cannot afford individual DBT work. I can't really afford the group on top of my private T who does not take insurance This whole experience has ironically caused some suicidal thoughts to creep back in.

I don't know what I am looking for. Reassurance? Thoughts? Ideas?
Did you hate the group aspect of DBT as well? Can other things like art help with emotional regulation? I am just feeling so insecure even though I went with my gut aka 'wise mind'.

 

[LoveTea]

Hey I know what you mean about absorbing the things of the people around you, it tends to happen to me when a lot of people around me are stressed at the same time. For some reason though, when everyone else is happy and I'm not, I don't really absorb that it feels more isolating than anything. Good for you for going to a group session at all the idea of going to a group terrifies me. If it's not working for you, you probably shouldn't do it and trust yourself on that. I'm all for art therapy especially if you feel like it's helping you (I personally find that knitting is very helpful to me). Not every therapy works for everyone and I havn't done any DBT myself, but I've certainly had to quit other therapy a few times (which is descouraging sometimes). I've had my dips, and I'm sure most people here have too, I'm glad you are feeling a bit better now.

 

[shimmerz]

I know this sounds snobby.

It doesn't sound snobby at all. After 10 years of therapy I am still not able to share/be in a group. Not DBT and not CBT. It is way too much. So, really? It is a 'thing'. There is nothing defective about you for not being able to participate (yet).

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

but any time any one else shared it was overwhelming and annoying and it all sort of sunk into me. Like there was this guy who was depressed and shared how he used to drink and smoke and this was triggering to me. I absorbed his depression in a way

That might not be the right DBT group for you, in my dbt group we don't share the past, which is what he did, if someone in our group tries to share the past our leader shuts them down, the only sharing we do is our DBT homework which is about using DBT skills in the present. Others may disagree but I believe if someone repeatedly shares the past they not only are possibly not getting the benefit of the DBT group, there not looking towards the present and what DBT holds for them, there in the past possibly expecting DBT to fix the past or how they feel about the past.

Personally I have already benefited from DBT, it has helped understand my reactions and such and given me skills I have currently used in my EMDR treatment to cope with what it brings up. Even though EMDR has also stirred up S/I in me. I have been able to manage it so the EMDR can work. I even saw my PDOC yesterday, and told him about the S/I, he could have made me go into hospital or PHP, instead he has given me to chance to continue using the DBT skills to stay safe, with an understanding what i should do if I really become unsafe.

A year ago or so before DBT, in the same circumstances I most definitely would be in the hospital. This is a good example of what DBT is for. In my case about the DBT skill I am being allowed to use to cope safely is Distress Tolerance.

Don't give up on DBT Try another group but make the issue known up front.

 

[Scarlet13]

Thanks @LoveTea that helps. I just felt bad like if I don't do 8 mos of DBT then I will end up in that bad place again and my T will just be annoyed at me because I could be doing the DBT group. I can be hard on myself. Perhaps this is just good self care and not actually avoidance.
I had to tell myself, "Wait a minute, you attend therapy once sometimes twice a week, you regularly practice art, you walk everyday, you try to be mindful- you are actually doing well!"
The DBT group actually made me worse because of all the people. I am just trying to figure out what to do in order to combat this terrible insecure feeling. I could probably use DBT skills...
It is just 8 mos and super annoying.
I just keep telling myself, you are ok, you are ok. All of those things like art and walking can make a big difference. But now I am feeling depression and I am triggered because I did a lot of art in my child hood in order to survive. I am trying to tolerate that trigger/memory as art is so good for me. I just hate this when you need a type of therapy but you can't stand it. I just need to convince my T that I am able to live skillfully, but I will have suicidal thoughts once she goes into more trauma work. I think she will be ok with my individual plan and she does do containment work. I am just always so scared she will reject me or be dissapointed in me (transference!)

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

It doesn't sound snobby at all. After 10 years of therapy I am still not able to share/be in a group....

I don't find it unusual, I kept my walls up for almost 40 years before I let them down. And it took a very special interaction by PHP staff and PHP content to convince me to let them down. Even then I am guarded. Before this any participation in groups and such was superficial, and even with a 1:1 therapist who I developed some trust in. I only shared that I had been abuse, and nothing more, I was unable to do any more.

But for you, consider sharing what you find safe to share 1:1 Break the ice. Even if you don't do it again for years, you have made the big step that you can do it, having done it. When your ready it will help you.

 

[Scarlet13]

That might not be the right DBT group for you, in my dbt group we don't share the past, whic...

I have tried DBT twice. Both groups trigger me. I also have ADHD (mild) and listening to group members made me want to go bang my head into a wall (out if boredom). I am also an empath and sensitive person. I was surprised as to how miserable I was.
I do have 3 years of individual CBT and ACT under my belt. I just need to convey that I am using skills in the midst of my suicidal thoughts to my T.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Applesunflower13 Twice does not mean there is not a DBT group that will work for you, there are probably a lot DBT leaders who allow people sharing the past, there are likely some who don't, like my DBT leader. Even when I get triggered in our DBT group, our leader gets her assistant to get my frozen orange. We don't even get into what triggered me, but I tell her after the group and leave it at that.

If you pursue DBT again maybe you might bring the issue up with the leader before starting.

I love my group with its leader, I want to get better, and anyone dwelling in the past is counter to what I need, I want to be able to use DBT to help me cope with how the past intrudes on the present. I want to be in the present.

 

[Nessa7]

What about getting a DBT workbook and going through it yourself? The only DBT group in my area is a bad fit. It was way too slow, and I wasn't getting much out of it because I was bored. It's not the same as doing it in a group with a leader, but it isn't a bad option if a group isn't working out. I think I am missing out on some stuff doing it by myself, but I am still improving.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I think the workbook is a great idea, its better than nothing, and you could always refer to your therapist when you need.

 

[Scarlet13]

@Applesunflower13 Twice does not mean there is not a DBT group that will...

Yes, I get your point. I am glad you found a good fit. I think the issue is not just the triggering but my ADHD its like its driving me nuts to listen to them and its boring and irritating. I sound like a terrible person, but ADHD can make things hard. Its not just an emotional thing. I really wanted it to work. Now I am trying to figure out how to keep healing without it.
I have the work book and am studying it. I am going to check out these youtube videos. I could have kept going. I kind of regret my decision yet if I went back it would be the same terrible feeling. I think what I am going to do is talk to my t about all the ways we can use containment in therapy.

 

[Sideways]

This is potentially going to sound harsh. Please just disregard if I'm way off.

The reality with any therapy? Is it's gonna be uncomfortable, confronting, and easier to walk away.

After one group you've decided "Nup, can't, not going to." Really?

If you take it as a given that no one else wants to be there either, that therapy is hard, hard work, that there may be (a very common) avoidance issue going on here that you may need to tackle with every inch of your being to move on...could you commit to the process do you think?

A lot of dbt groups operate on the basis that if you sign up, you commit to the work, for the full length of the course, no matter what. And they do that precisely because the "This is too hard" thing that you're telling yourself is sooooo common with this cluster of mental health issues.

Dbt teaches distress tolerance. That's core to dbt. You're not supposed to be great at distress tolerance before starting a dbt course, but you will need to commit to learning how to get better at distress tolerance if you want to benefit.

I've found over and over that people who can stick with a good dbt course? Benefit. It helps a lot. It's not easy for anyone, but it's being pushed as a core therapy all over the world because it helps...

Do you think you could give it a bit longer?