I have been thinking about this...thanks for asking @JadesJewel I guess it comes when I look into anothers'lives and look at mine. Around 50's, no job, no income, no a normal life. I should be happy knowing I did survive to a decade of mental control and did scaped from a nazi structured organization, a cult. In there, you deserved only to be alived if you were of some utility (versus if you were able to brought some wealth in) I was their slave. Unpaid work, 24/7 , I was «theirs» My mind, body, wealth, everything. I just earned my BA degree when I was sucked. Now, almost 10 years later, i should be happy for being alived, with mental medical care, a loving partner and a family again. But sometimes the cult pseudopersonality arises strong enough inside to hurt me again and again.Okay to share more of what started you feeling not worthy to be alive please. Cruel and hurtful thoughts like these are from my past and I tell them to leave!
I can't and I shouldn't do meditation, because its a main trigger on my condition.
@SheilaKathy , I have researched a lot about the bad effects of meditation for my on cure and understanding. It is a selfhypnosis and a colective state of semi hypnosis. They called "trance stages" within the cult. For some people It is very dangerous, even if they do It a couple of times. I read how some suffered from even psicothic breakdowns. I know some of my mental problems come from meditation or whatever was that.but either I did something wrong and it didn't do a thing for me or I had something so weird happen that I cannot explain it or put it into words.
I think that is why I like mindfulness, because unlike these other things they call meditation, it brings one into the present moment, makes one aware of what ones senses are experiencing. I want to be aware of my environment, not what is going on inside my mind. I think when we do anything with the mind, we need to have direction from a professional who is a therapist or trained in social work. Other than that, I would not trust my mind to anyone! Agreed. I was taught the mindfulness at my mental health clinic, by a social worker/ therapist. Even learning that was something I would not have trusted to just anyone.