I Have Started A Love Relationship

[The Albatross]

... but they will come up anyway so I had best be dealing with those emotions. Easier said than done.

:tup: (I call em growing pains)

 

[Philippa]

So awesome.

It really seems like you have progressed in your own healing so much now and are regaining your self-esteem and strengthening sense of Self, so it makes sense that a healthy relationship would ensue. Taking the risk to be vulnerable takes courage and nowhere are the risks as high as in love.

That's great that the flashbacks are minimum, and it's so brave of you to get in there and have a go, and I think having known him for a while...7 years...that's a reasonable amount of time to build foundations of friendship in, and hopefully things flourish from here on....and also for any masks to drop that might have been in place.

So happy to hear this news. My eyes lit up a bit when I saw the thread title.

Hope you keep us filled in on how it's all going from time to time. I'd love to hear more.

 

[ms spock]

Well I told him that him ringing me was important to me so he made himself available on Skype and teased me that he was under strict instructions to ring me every five minutes and made me laugh alot. He was good about it. So I told him that I appreciated his effort.

 

[ms spock]

So B has talked to me on Skype a few times, texted me a few times and sent some books for me to read whilst I am sick. So he listened to what I said. I thought about what Anthony had said about honesty to me in another thread, so I took a risk. I, however, didn't dump my abandonment and attachment issues on B, I kept them contained despite being sick and unable to visit my psychriatrist, which I am pleased and proud about. I can keep the PTSD stuff in my own camp and still negotiate for what is important for me. This is a big step for me. Usually I withdraw or say too much. Even though I felt like withdrawing, I acknowledged this emotional pull to myself and calmed down enough to think it through and say something in a reasonable and timely fashion.

I guess being human and having PTSD I will make mistakes, but if I own it or make amends it is not like being at home with my family where I would be forever punished, flattened and pulverised. Out here in the real world - things can be tended to in a way which is not with such terrifying consequences.

I can talk about my needs, knowing that a fair whack of them I need to meet, myself, but not cut myself off so I don't exclude myself from the good stuff and rob my self of the needs that other people can meet like contact, companionship, connection and humour.

 

[ms spock]

I have, continued, for the most part, to keep my PTSD, abandonment, grief, loneliness and so forth melt down whilst I was sick - in my trauma diary, with my psychriatrist and in a few emails to a few friends. I am not perfect, of course, but I didn't dump my stuff on to B and many days have had a Skype time and a chat which has been good, though very hard at times.

I have felt hurt a few times by a couple of B's comments these last couple of days but I realise as a full time carer of his dementing father, he hasn't got much left over, himself.

B is as tactile as I am and it would be nice to spend some time with him for the touch and contact and I wouldn't mind some sex either but hugs would be awesome. Yet I haven't got money or energy to go interstate at this time. I don't think staying with him would be restful with his father being there.

So the relationship hasn't got much chance really, but it is nice to chat at the end of the day and make contact.

And to be honest I didn't think I was going to make it through the last lot of stuff. I really thought I couldn't go on. So maybe just enjoying the contact and communication is the way to go.

This has all been progress for me.

 

[Froggie]

What you are saying and sharing with us also helps us ... me ... to progress (((Ms Spock)))

 

[ms spock]

Thanks Froggie,

I think I am through the worst of the depressive episode, which was triggered by being very physically ill.

I have been talking to B on Skype, most days, and a little laughter and silliness goes a long way. I am so lucky to have had this contact during this challenging, dark and distressing time.

B has got me a ticket to go up on a cheap flight and stay for four days. Last time I was fine for three days, so I think I can manage four days. I have energy as well now.

 

[Froggie]

Glad to hear that you are feeling better, hope you have a great mini vacation ... a little TLC goes a long way :inlove:

 

[ms spock]

Oh a little bit of TLC goes along way.

 

[ms spock]

I am a little overwhelmed by all the love and affection, which is what I really wanted and now I have got it, I need to develop some muscle around taking it in and enjoying it.

B and I have had some nice times together. The good thing is we can give each other space and he can go off and do his thing and I can do my thing and then we can enjoy each others companionship as well.

B is a full time carer for his Dad, and his Dad has a bit of dementia so he has a full plate. I am mindful of this.

 

[Froggie]

You deserve that love and affection and I'm sure so does B. You are both devoted humanists from what I can understand through your posts. yeah for people like you both.

 

[mamachick]

So happy for you Ms Spock. You deserve this companionship. Sounds like you have a really healthy attitude about the circumstance-I know they are not perfect, but the ones that often work. Horrray for you