I Have Started A Love Relationship

[ms spock]

Well I was introduced to B's friend of 36 years last night and his partner and two children. I was a little nervous. It all went really well. They all relaxed and I was just part of the crowd and it was rather nice. The two children were very loud and overexcited - and we had to leave so they could settle down to go to sleep in bed. So it was proud parents pleased about their kids. Kids enjoying the attention. Laughing and eating enough food for three weeks! (I know, a tough life, someone has to lead it. ;-D ) We had little chats about parenting, role models, how kids are growing up more sensitive and aware these days, T's friend's, two who are artists, I showed a little bit of my work, we searched for lost lego people and had a cup of tea. I was grounded and centred. I joked and teased with B and he was chuffed. His friends are lovely people. They were very kind to B's D and listened to his stories (amongst the kid's stories) and commented he had some lovely memories and were attentive and including. B's Dad didn't have his hearing aids in, so they were shouted conversations and laughter. Everyone was exhausted at the end of the night, except the children of course.

 

[ms spock]

Thanks Froggie,

B does an amazing job with his Dad (I call him Papa Bear) who is incontinent, is a bit tottery, is elderly, has a touch of dementia and who still has not quite adjusted to the limitations that old age has brought him. He is quite deaf so the conversations can be a bit Monty Pythonesque at times, he manages the situation really well, though he is understandably tired and a bit weary.

B is a great snuggler and has a great sense of humour and is intelligent in so many ways. He taught me a bit about Autocad yesterday, which will be a great way of making up templates for my sculptures. We went down to the workshop where he is building and repairing various things. Tis a great workshop to work in. I made some cardboard templates/maquettes of some future works.

It has rained every day I have been here but B and his Dad have taken me out and explained all the local area to me and took to a few nice national park places. I was at one place, where a Crimson Rosella landed on my shoulder - much to my delight. They have gone to a lot of effort to take me around and make me feel comfortable. Despite not being able to see much at times due to the fog, I had a nice time.


Thank you Brat,

it is really nice to have the companionship. Nothing is perfect and B and his Dad have their routines that help them manage the day so I have admired that. I do wish Papa Bear would wear his hearing aids, but I know that background noise can be difficult to manage and I can understand why he took them out last night. It is what it is and I am chuffed to have that connection and a partner/boyfriend who is a great snuggler and great to hang out with.

 

[maddog]

Hi Ms Spock. Just wanted to say a big thanks to you for sharing your relationship journey so honestly and openly with us. I don't know if this applies to others here, but for me, one who is a long way from the world of intimate relationships and often wonders at how I would even begin to manage such a thing, it means a lot to read a really honest and pragmatic account of someone who is there and living it.

I'm really glad it's going well for you guys, really glad.

Maddog

 

[Froggie]

I soooo agree with you Maddog, Ms Spock thank you for sharing what you are living with us. Gives me hope that maybe someday I will be able to re-open up to something like that.

 

[mamachick]

Im with Froggie, unable at this point to have an intimate relationship, and am happy for those who are able.
Glad to hear how well its going

 

[ms spock]

Thank you maddog,

I hope that you find the tlc that you are looking for, firstly we have to give it to ourselves, no one can make up for our own deficits.

I am lucky that B is honest and emotionally available. I am lucky to have worked on my stuff enough to be able to manage to deal with it in (mostly) appropriate ways (though I do complain about it at times) or with my P. Being in a relationship means being responsible for my PTSD to a higher level. It is my PTSD and I need to meet my own needs and make sure that I am being responsible for my self in a more sophisticated manner. I still have a lot to learn and I know I will keep working towards growing and changing and healing as a person.

We can discuss things and B also has a great sense of humour.

We practice safe sex each time we make love or engage in prolonged flirting. I think it is important to practice safe sex, for obvious reasons. Putting my self in the position of potentially getting pregnant would be setting my self, B and the relationship up for failure. B was easy to negotiate safe sex with.

Relationships are tricky enough when it is just the two of you but a child adds a whole level of stress and exhaustion. I think if you have a solid relationship after three years, then both of you can discuss and think about bringing another life in to the world, but before three years you don't know each other and each other friendship networks and/or families well enough. You don't want to get attached to a toxic person for you life. B is far from being a toxic man, I met him in about 2005, so I have known him for quite awhile now. I have seen him deal with people and situations. He is a very kind man and helps out people, though he is better at not rescuing than me. I think knowing people, for awhile, before getting involved with them, means you can choose someone that is a bit of a sweetie and on some same wave lengths as your self. B and I have different interests and different friends. We also share some interests and some friends. We both have our limitations and our own ways of doing things. Yet we are both generous in sharing our knowledge with each other.

 

[ms spock]

I hope you will one day reopen to the possibility too, Froggie,

Not having unrealistic expectations is important. Someone like B, who is so much fun and appreciates my own particular crazy brand of humour also helps, as well.

The great safe sex is also another great thing! B is pretty good! *giggles happily*

Kindness, companionship and snuggling are so great for me. B is as tactile as me, so we are quite compatible.


Thank you for being happy for me brat17

I am managing this part of my life well. I am giving it a lot of thought. I need to work on a few other areas, but I will get there.

 

[mamachick]

You can hope for me too Ms Spock-if you dont mind. Ive give up on hoping so your hopes might do me good. Honestly not many nice men near me. Lots of single friends. Too many abusers and way too old to tolerate

 

[ms spock]

You can hope for me too Ms Spock

I hope for you too, brat17. I hope you can find your self, be kind and love your self and then someone to appreciate you in all your facets.

Choosing someone nice is a good idea. It sounds to me like you have surveyed the scene and decided that there is no one appropriate for you at this time. I think that is an important skill to develop.

B doesn't drink or take drugs. He has his own interests and work. He has friends and activities that he is involved in. One I don't like because it could be dangerous, but it means a lot to him and he enjoys the challenges that it presents him with. So I accept that is what he does.

 

[Philippa]

Happy to hear you are having a healthy relationship Ms Spock. He sounds great.

I've been meeting some nice men lately, although the one I had in mind for getting to know jus tleft forever to Europe and might settle down in Peru:rolleyes: Typical eh.

When you start putting your foot down to abusive people, and really mean it, then the nice ones come out of the woodwork...(though they sometimes leave and never return...like peru man.)

Brat, it's better to be single than with an abusive A-hole anyway. Join the crazy cat lady club.

 

[intothelight]

Ms. Spock,

Just very happy that you have found someone to share your life with right now. Good to "hear" the happiness in your posts. You deserve much happiness.

Deb

 

[ms spock]

Thanks Phillipa and Deb,

It is a good place to be in - going out with someone who is a sweetie.

You are right Phillipa - you are better off being on your own than with some one inappropriate or abusive.

Being happy is nice Deb, I am a little overwhelmed by how attentive B is and I really wanted this but now I have to develop my self to let the good stuff in. Lovely problem to have - being overwhelmed by the good stuff.