I Need Help, Can Not Be In My Marriage Anymore

[Sofffija]

I registered in this forums couple of days ago and was planning on writing an introduction, but now i am so overwhelmed again that can not even breathe... In brief my situation is following - i have cPTSD, trauma was all my life following me (only few of events - finding mothers body after suicide, being tormented by abusive men, having to terminate pregnancy at 22 weeks, being held in the psychiatric institute against my will by my father etc.. And now i have husband who does not understand what i am going through and he was triggering and traumatizing me (emotionally in anger, neglecting my son etc, not giving me support after loosing baby, even being angry at me for my grief).. I married him before my PTSD symptoms started to appear... we have 1.5 years old daughter and i do not have a place to go and do not have any support (no relatives, i have some close friends, but they also can not help)... I know that he is in pain himself (hurting people hurt people), but he prefers to be in denial and i can not cope with my life any more. I just want to hear from somebody who can relate what i feel... i can not think about divorce (he is a pastor at church and we have lot of business together). i feel crushed.

 

[Em C.]

First off, hugs!!

Second do you have access to therapy? That could help you talk out your options :)

I hate to suggest this... But... Have you tried pulling the God card? Saying God wouldn't want him to live like that?

Try grounding yourself in your sense of you who are and not who you aren't. You're a strong woman who has gone through a lot and has the power to get through this too!

 

[Sofffija]

Thank you very much for your hugs and support. Yes, I have therapy and actually I have been through a lot of healing, but you also know it is a long journey and it needs safe place. I have tried everything with him and he knows every time he hurts me that he is wrong and actually asks forgiveness. He knows God does not want him to be like that but he is not ready for his own healing (afraid of pain) But his saying sorry does not remove scars and wounds.. He comes from a place where being emotionally abused is considered as normal, he does not even have a clue what harm he causes... And thank you for encouragement, I really needed to hear that I am strong.