I Realize That I

[parrotthepolly]

I'm avoiding everything, including life itself and I will not live much longer if I keep going like this.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I'm avoiding everything, including life itself and I will not live much longer if I keep going like this.

That really feels like I wrote it right now. Sorry you're feeling the same way.

 

[thursday]

I am not very hopeful right now, but I need to be to find a path forward.

The only way is up by Jazz.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I am way too abnormally scared of people's words and opinions, especially my parents. Like social anxiety or something. It's worse with people that have actual meaning in my life but it's bad all the time. And it's making me make some really stupid decisions that aren't cutting it right now. I need to start talking whatever the result is because I'm drowning.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

I realise that I have not fully torn my purpose away from “wish fulfilment”, and am still learning to live as a person, myself, instead of a simple cog in a machine, whose only purpose is to keep the thing running.

 

[Defaultxlove]

I realize I can create a garden in my mind

 

[enough]

am the end result of my parents attempt at brainwashing me into their religion and the traumas that I experienced because I fled from their cult. No one dives headlong into the world at 14 with no damage from the experience, I am just another survivor with dings and scars. Could have been worse, dead in Waco texas worse. I won?

 

[Tanishq]

I realize that I am not happy.

 

[Fallfox984]

What a great idea for a thread! I realize that being around people who don't "see" me is a huge trigger for my emptiness/loneliness. I always just thought my loneliness was a part of me and that I was broken, but actually it's just a sign that I still need to heal.

 

[thursday]

I realized this afternoon that I had to carry the big secret on my own. A child and teenager that carried such fear, shame and the secret that never could be told. Nobody knew, while I wished they could see me and help me. A lot of crying and releasing during this moment. I also realized afterwards, how a strong person I am and resilient. Every one here is a strong person. And you're even stronger when you are or going to work through your past, even though you have periods that you can't handle things. At earlier times during therapy, years ago, I cried rivers and thought, this is never going to end.

 

[Rose White]

I realize that I cannot always be the strong one that carries. I realize that my emotions are BROKEN. I realize that suffering is so much deeper than I was willing to admit.

 

[zaniara]

I realize that I'm not in control, and that I struggle with accepting that, and that I hate not being in control, but that I've never been much in control over almost anything. I also realize I struggle with accepting and dealing with the grief, but that the anxiety from hell subsides a bit if I do let the grief come. I realize that I'm angry, so very angry, with so much, and that I really, really need to set off more time to write in my diary about it, and talk about it. And I realize that even though it feels as if I'm moving backwards and loosing control, I'm actually moving towards healing now when I've let go of an impossible work-situation, and that I will have more time to heal now.