I realize that yesterday I was in an awkward position and wasn't sure how to handle it, so just went along as to keep down hurt feelings.Was going to a play with a friend.. when I went to get in her car, I could 'feel' the anger and chaos coming off of her. Not toward me, but things she is dealing with (or not). I could tell she had been crying.. going ahead with our plans seemed to not be what needed to be done.. But the choice was hers..
Hence my own conflict. I did not take anything for anxiety before leaving.. thought I was doing really ok without it... But found myself closed down at one point... just not present. Between setting three rows from the stage (it was a musical) and the lady on the other side of me oozing out of her seat onto me... I found myself with my shoulders so tense and under my ears, my arms and hands all stiff and tangled , just to keep the lady from touching me...
I don't know if the musical was great or not... it was ok... nothing I would go see again...
I noticed my friend was very edgy and snapping at me... when I am shut down like I was, boundries ? Forget about it... I am just like this blow up doll going along with whatever !!! But getting angry at myself for not asking her what as going on...
She got very upset that I wanted to smoke a cigarette, uh well, sorry, you know I smoke... so compromised and took a few hits and put it out and off we go..I finally just got quite as nothing was being received when I tried to make conversation... awkward !!!
Finally made it home... I have slept all day long... a few awake hours here and there, but my body was aching so bad and just couldn't stay awake.. so much for trying to have a social life !!!!:laugh::roflmao::laugh:
