I Realize That I

[Jade-]

I realize I need to forgive my ex somehow, not for everything he did to me and put me through because the abuse is unforgiveable. But maybe forgive him as a person because he was and is such a f*cked up individual. I wasn't the first woman he beat on and I know I will not be the last and I know it wasn't my fault and I didn't deserve to be treated that way.

I have to let go of this anger, bitterness, hatred and resentment I have towards him. It doesn't hurt him in any way at all but it is holding me back in life. I don't benefit in any way by holding onto it and none of it can be taken away or undone so I need to release it.

 

[Friday]

I realize I need to forgive my ex somehow,

Forgive HIM, or forgive yourself?

 

[Rose White]

I realize that I am stronger than I thought I was.

 

[Rose White]

I realize that I am getting better at discerning friendly from unfriendly behavior even if it still takes me a while sometimes.

 

[overit1134]

I realize that I HAVE NEVER HAD A SAFE PLACE OR PERSON, AND I NEVER have nor will I ever know what it is to feel loved by my mother.
I realize it's never too late to let go of all the pain and to show compassion, and forgive others . I realize I am not broken and I am worthy. I realize I am struggling with forgiveness and I struggle to understand the people that failed to protect me. I realize I'm all over the place. I realize I'm making no sense right now but I just recently started therapy for childhood trauma that has resulted in cptsd and disassociation. I realize I'm rambling right now, thank you for allowing me to join you. I really needed a she place to say things that others might be able to relate to . I don't feel so alone anymore.
I'm really anxious about posting this, fear has kicked in. . I'm gonna post it right now but I'll probably run away for a few minutes . ... here I go.. I'm going to post now... with? Why, is this a trigger?

 

[overit1134]

I realize that I HAVE NEVER HAD A SAFE PLACE OR PERSON, AND I NEVER have nor will I ever know what it is to feel loved by my mother.
I realize it's never too late to let go of all the pain and to show compassion, and forgive others . I realize I am not broken and I am worthy. I realize I am struggling with forgiveness and I struggle to understand the people that failed to protect me. I realize I'm all over the place. I realize I'm making no sense right now but I just recently started therapy for childhood trauma that has resulted in cptsd and disassociation. I realize I'm rambling right now, thank you for allowing me to join you. I really needed a she place to say things that others might be able to relate to . I don't feel so alone anymore.
I'm really anxious about posting this, fear has kicked in. . I'm gonna post it right now but I'll probably run away for a few minutes . ... here I go.. I'm going to post now... with? Why, is this a trigger?

*Safe not she*

 

[overit1134]

I realize that the journey of my life has had a lot of pain, and it has been leading up to the moment it becomes the understanding and compassion for the people struggling with issues . I will assist others in feeling empowered and informed with options, while standing by them every step of the way.

 

[overit1134]

I really like this thread too.

I know for myself much of the damage which I have had has been from the way I took on so many lies about myself because of the things I have experienced, and coming to a realisation of the truth instead has been so important to me. I am still working on a lot of it but know one of the important realisations I came to is when I realised that my reality (particularly about myself) is not necessarily the truth, and though it is still a journey, I know that it is true that it was not my fault and I am not bad for not being able to make everything ok and for having those needs as a child, because I was just that - a child, and even now it is not wrong to need others and not be able to do it all myself and just be able to cope. I find it much easier to see it for others and much easier to see their worth too, but know it is the truth that I did not deserve what happened and that it is true that I do have worth.

As I said it is still a journey, but I know these are truths and am still working on feeding them deeper into myself and know that at least wanting to love myself and not blame myself any more is an important start and an important realisation that I really do deserve so much more and am not bad for wanting to be looked after and protected, even when it was so hard as a child, and when things got so much worse when I did

You could not have said that any better than you did. You absolutely deserve better. Wanting to be protected and looked after is a normal desire for any child. It sounds like you are amazing and it is really inspiring that you are on such an important path of self growth.

 

[zaniara]

I realize that I'm hurting. Badly. That grief is really hard work. And messy. And not pretty. But probably healthy. Probably part of the healing. But I know the grief will last a life time (there is too much to grieve) , and I realize I struggle with accepting that.

 

[Jade-]

Forgive HIM, or forgive yourself?

Hmmm, I was thinking forgive him but now that I read that I will have to think about that for awhile.

 

[Rose White]

I realize that now that I have found and cultivated a sense of self, holding onto that and checking in with myself about what I want is the hard work now. And it is difficult. What does holding onto look like and feel like? It means I’m not having fantasies of running away or dying but rather feeling the grief or anger and thinking about ways to communicate that. And did I mention it’s hard and uncomfortable?

 

[Teasel]

I realise I have taken on American bits n bobs, language wise, because of this forum. I been mildly Americanised