I realize that what is important to me is not necessarily important to anyone else, which is fine. I realize (to myself) I also see that as reflective that I am not important to them either, nor my feelings, which is also fine. Whether that be accurate or not, I realize it becomes very easy for me to abandon any thoughts or worry or care, since my cognitive appraisal is that there's no value or worth in it, or myself.
I realize correct or incorrect my response of thoughts to verbal abuse is my responsibility. The insults are probably partially correct, partially incorrect. I guess I realize I likely am as worthless as I feel, or told I am, but even my response to that can be to care or not. I realize that it is my responsibility to produce more, which likely won't change their impression but I realize that as well. Also, it's stress etc, tiredness, not feeling good etc., contributes all around.
I realize it's too late to change my days off/ work Christmas. I've already changed my holiday once at their request, & turned down an offer to work the day, I'm working 19/20 days anyway. I realize that they would have no respect for it if I did. I realize that respect or manners are somewhat important to me. I realize it is not right to take offence at what I feel is a lack of. I realize I should not put myself n situations requiring hope based on manners, or kindness, or self-value. I realize the onus is all on me not to do so.
I realize relationships come to an end.
