Relationship I Set A Boundary

[Lilmssunshine]

As supporters we need boundaries.
My sufferer seems to just get worse. He will go days without talking to me but when he does it's just about sex. He claims he's always horny cuz of PTSD. Last night a girl went to his place, got him off then left. Then he called me to listen to my voice while he did his business. At 2 in the morning my time. Mind you were not together however, I need boundaries and respect. I told him straight up he needs help, that he's going to get an std or worse. He just said "whatever". I'm going to an Al anon meeting soon. I have had such a hard day today. With my own life and all he does is subtract from it. I love him, I care about him but I'm NOT accepting his lack of respect and lack of boundaries ANY More. I tried to tell him I don't want to talk about sex and he continues to do so. I don't know if he was drunk or not but he was acting strange.

We deserve boundaries. And we deserve respect regardless of a mental illness.

 

[Recovery4Me]

we deserve respect regardless of a mental illness.

Alanon and codependency often go hand in hand. So it is a form of a dance between two parties mimicking some outmoded survival skills. So, you are right in maintaining and finding boundaries that are healthy for you within a 12 Step. Step One is that you are powerless over others.

However, with all due respect, being a 'supporter' can be much different than choosing to be a doormat and then blaming the other party. You can not 'fix' him. He appears to have much more going on than PTSD.

 

[illusionist]

We make our own boundaries, and with that, we get respect.....a lesson I had to learn. People don't automatically give us respect...we either have to earn it or instil it.

 

[shimmerz]

I tried to tell him I don't want to talk about sex and he continues to do so.

Hang up? When words don't work then action is best and it should be swift and sure.

He will go days without talking to me but when he does it's just about sex. He claims he's always horny cuz of PTSD. Last night a girl went to his place, got him off then left.

I would ask myself why I 'loved' this man when he doesn't talk to you and so obviously disrespects both the girl and yourself and wants you to be a part of it. No. Insists that you be a part of it. I think you need to redefine what love is to you.

We have a rule here about people who don't mesh with us. We choose the ignore button. There is also a block option on phones. It is a valuable tool. I say this with all due respect. I had to learn this lesson too.

 

[Sweetpea76]

The thing about setting boundaries is you cannot tell another person what they can or cannot do. You can only set your own limits. Like you can't tell him he cannot talk about sex with you. You can, however, tell him that if he choses to bring up topics of a sexual nature that make you uncomfortable, you will end the conversation. That is your boundary.

Then you have to end the conversation if he violates your boundary. Every time.