I Swear Shes f*cking With Me.

[Zipperhead]

Hey PuppyLove. How about an introduction? It's nice that your here offering advice, but it would be even nicer if we knew where you were coming from.

 

[Rezdawg]

As I have said a million times, it take a person with very thick skin to survive in a relationship with someone with PTSD, and they need an out too. We talk on here about video games, and working on cars, or going to the gym when we feel stressed. Our partners need to find someone to talk to as well an outlet, otherwise things will build and build and then they walk.

Communications is the number one thing. I am already over apologizing for myself. Every second day at the moment I screw the pooch and say nasty things. I don't mean it, it just happens.

Good luck mate. Talk to your wife. Ask her if she needs some information. Print out some of these documents and give them to her.

Yes, its been 6 years of her trying convine me to get some help. Thats a long time to live with this on her part. We have small children too, so her outs arent very many at this time. Thanks for the info.

 

[combatgoldfish]

I go through the same shit every couple of months. PTSD monster takes over, pushes us apart, we work it out, repeat. Except I'm becoming less tolerant of working it out every time. It's exhausting.

 

[Jimmy1]

I think we all do CG. Think about what you just said though. You are becoming less tolerant. Imagine being in her shoes?? If it's exhausting for us, I don't what to think about what it's like for them. We yell and scream and they are expected to sit there and take it. Well Margaret does not yell back.

 

[Sarg]

Mine would put up with me for so long, then she would stand up, yell, "Yes, Sir! Sargent"! That was my not so subtle cue to seek immediate safety and solace in the woods!

Sarg

 

[combatgoldfish]

That's one thing I don't do is yell. At least at her. But I see what you're saying. Just living with someone with a monster can turn a persons life upside down too

 

[Jimmy1]

If they don't watch it, they can turn into a monster themselves, hence the term secondary PTSD.

 

[Rezdawg]

Oh f*cking joy..... Called VA friday cause i still hadnt heard from the OSI clinic(no answer left MSG) waited couple hours called again. Same. Called OSI clinic figure the skip the chain of command routine might work. Got answering machine. Left MSG. Called both back again in the afternoon. No answer. No call backs. Dinks.

Outta the house for the evening it seems. Busting my ass all weekend working cause were a single income family for the time being. Come home to "you don't do anything except work" and "I get no help, no breaks" so that was fun. Oh and hearing a couple times in different words that she needs space and its hard or her when I'm around. I get it. But still I'm trying. I think she's just had to much crap dumped on her. Even now seeking help I figured it'd help her out just knowing I was gonna get help. She seems miter frustrated now. I think I spend more time in my own head now wondering how much of a mess I am and for how long. How much have I buried? How deep has it cut her?

WTF.....

So I'll hang out in the safe way parking lot and steal wifi and read and learn.

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey Rez,

Your frustrated, she is frustrated, whenever you discuss things it turns to arguments.

Write her a letter, a heartfelt sincere letter. Tell her you don't know what's going on and the your trying to deal with the Beast and work. If it helps her to understand, some people with PTSD are on 100% benefits.
Tell her you can't help being angry and that your not angry at her, your just angry at the rest of the world, but people with PTSD take it out on those they love. Tell her you know it's unfare and your willing to do whatever it takes to remedy this.

So you can read between the lines. Does she have family somewhere she might like to go?? Maybe try and organise a weekend away for her or a day spa thing, and you look after the kids.

Just some suggestions mate.

 

[Sarg]

That's all you can do, Rez, just keep trying. I don't recall if anyone has told you of the Vet Center's classes for wives. I understand that they are really helpful. I can understand the wives point of view. We're entirely different people that they married. That is very trying to them. They don't have answers to all the questions that have suddenly popped up.

I was fortunate that I married after I had been to war. She married me knowing of my beast. It wasn't called that, or PTSD for that matter. But she knew I suffered for what I had done in the war and accepted it and the beast. Strong woman. Pennsylvania Dutch, backbone a foot wide.

But she had her own beast; Type I diabetes. It ravaged her and eventually killed her. Now the loneliness of this empty house is like a vacume. I miss talking to her as she was a very intelligent person with a firm grasp on the "here and now".

Done it again, prattled on.

Sarg

 

[Zipperhead]

Call the OSSISS Guy. He will know how to get an answer out of them. I gave you the e-mail awhile back. I could find it again if you need it.

 

[Squaddiedave]

Sound advice from Jimmy (once again). With the letter idea. My wife cheated, blamed it on me, BEAST took control and I ranted and raved, her angry and self defence was to rant and rave back twice as much and go for the throat.
Writing letters takes that akward silence and physical/vocal emotion out of the equation. We would spend an afternoon/ evening writing to each other, then burn the letters in the fire bucket in the garden. 2 reasons, 1) can't be thrown back, it's dealt with then and there 2) kinda ritualistic, watching the anger, sadness and bad stuff go up in smoke. May be worth a try dude