Childhood I Think I Was Molested When I Was Little.

[InsipidImagination]

Okay, my name is Julia, I'm 13, my dad is schizophrenic and my mom is a raging bipolar alcoholic. They split up when I was three years old, I didn't see my dad for the next six months. In the lapse of those six months, my mother started seeing someone named *Derek, he became a father figure to me. Immediately after he moved in, I began to wet my pants, wake up from nightmares every night, without any explanation. I started school at around this time. I stopped wetting my pants when I was 4 1/2. I started kindergarten at that time, I do not have any memory of my fourth year of age, except small light bulb fragments.

*Derek did end up sexually abusing me when I was 11, but I'm curious to know if it happened earlier.

I was already potty trained, I had nightmares, it was strange.

 

[Rumors]

Julia,
So very sorry that at 13 you have lived through this. Is *Derek around still? Have you told your mom or dad? Is your home safe now meaning does your mom still drink? You need to find a safe person to tell. Do you have a guidance councilor at school? Please, please find someone that you can talk to!

 

[RussH]

Julia,
welcome to the forum. It would be nearly impossible for us to tell you whether or not you were molested at such a young age.

I would strongly suggest that you see a therapist, and perhaps the therapist can help you answer your question.

I would also suggest that you report Derek, if you haven't already.

 

[InsipidImagination]

@Rumors

*Derek is going to die soon, I told my mom and dad, and they took his side against mine. My home is safe, however my mom does drink, I see a therapist, who has no idea. My friend only knows.

 

[InsipidImagination]

@RussH

Everybody has taken his word against mine, there is nothing I can do about it at this point. There is nothing incriminating. He moved out of my house two years ago.

 

[Rumors]

Please tell your therapist. Take it from this mid 40's lady, you DO NOT want to carry that burden your whole life. Whatever it takes, tell your story and start your healing process now. Your parents are scared and they have made a bad choice in not listening to you, but that is THEIR MISTAKE. You don't own their mistakes...tell someone so that you can have some support.
:(

 

[jmni]

I doubt that these memories will come back. Of course no one here can tell you what happened. It can cause a lot of anxiety to want to know something this significant, and not be able to prove it to yourself.

Your parents have failed you and I am sure that you feel alone. I just want to reiterate that is their fault and completely incompetent on their part. IMO, if someone would call anyone a liar when they report sexual assault it really opens up the door to speculation about who they are and what they have to hide.

I agree that you should start healing now. Perhaps start planning on leaving home / saving money now also.

 

[shrinkingviolet]

Dear Julia,

First of all, none of this is your fault. Please remember this, especially when you have people in your life that are ignorant and insensitive. I am so sorry you have not received support and empathy from your parents that you deserve. Therapy right now is so important for your healing and well being.

As for your symptoms, they could be indicating earlier abuse and you should share with your therapist, as well as any concerns you have with your parents. It is important for you to feel safe and secure in your home.

I am a survivor of sexual abuse as a child and was then raped in college. Some of my friends and family were supportive and some chose to blame me. I have learned over the years to not allow how someone treats me to dictate my self worth or change who I am. You are worthy of so much more.

 

[NewDayTomorrow]

Hi Julia,

You are the youngest person I've seen on this forum. That breaks my heart a little but I'm super proud of you for reaching out! You sound like an adult the way you talk, so matter-of-fact about your situation, but it is very important that you get the support you need, and still try to be a kid!

When I was about your age, I started remembering an incident of sexual abuse that happened to me when I was about 4-5 years old. It took a while for me to be able to remember enough, and to get someone to believe me. My parents still do not believe me. I am 23 now. I have hardly worked on that stuff in therapy, because I have other things on my mind presently. But someday I would like to work on it.

It is never too late to get help. Sooner is probably better though. Talking to your guidance counselor is a good idea. They might not have the training to really help you, and they might refer you to someone who can help you better. When you are under 18, it is hard to have true privacy from your parents, but you still hold the cards, because you can tell people only as much as you want to.

You can find help here no matter what. We all care about you and we want to help you any way we can. But we are not professionals.

One thing I can tell you from experience, is that any possible memories of earlier abuse, might come to you on their own, if you are ready, and if it will help you. Do not try to dig for them. Do not let anyone else's opinion override your instincts. Some people never remember, and still heal. Some people like me remember by accident on their own. Some people remember after they start therapy. It is different for everybody. Be patient with yourself, and no digging! You have your whole life ahead of you, plenty of time to heal and work on any problems you might have.

Please let us know how it goes! I'll be thinking of you!

 

[InsipidImagination]

@JBS

Your words encourage me so much. I've been trying to recover my repressed memories for quite some time. But the truth is, it may take months, years, decades.

 

[NewDayTomorrow]

Certain kinds of therapy still work even if you never get the repressed memories back. You do not need the memories to "prove" it to anyone either.

There is a curiosity factor, and having things sort of foggy can be unsettling. But try not to worry about those memories too much. You can proceed with or without them. There are different kinds of memories too...you might remember emotions, images, physical sensations, dreams...so you might not even know what to look for. I do not know how to get them back, because my memories just randomly hit me one day (I was actually at work not thinking about it at all and it just started flashing through my mind, in bits and pieces, and I had to talk it through with a friend to put the pieces in order). Try to take it easy, but pay attention to your thoughts and dreams, maybe write them down for later.

 

[RussH]

Julia,
There is a possibility that your symptoms may not be related to physical abuse, but the upheaval in your life at that time.

As a three year old you could not have understood why your dad left, or this other man moved in, and that turmoil could have been enough to cause the wetting and nightmares.