Relationship I Trigger Flashbacks And He Makes Me Responsible. Help!

[Neverthesame]

Oh, and no hanky panky sounds like a reasonable recourse for having laid a massive guilt trip over something that is his own doing.

He made his bed, he can lay in it... alone. I don't think it's too harsh at all.

 

[Hojay]

thank you, @Neverthesame...I should have thrown a fit at this point, but as anger provokes panic attacks in him, I've learned to not have outbursts, but communicate constructively (or snarkily when I'm seriously at the end of my rope.) He really does control all communication on this relationship. When we talk, what we talk about, how long we talk about, and how I can talk about it. It was a slow process to this point, and it took me a moment to realize it's gotten to this level. Now that I can see it clearly, something's gotta give.

 

[Gs172003]

Yes, that's what I'm afraid of too. He has willingly agreed to get the letter, agrees I should have the l...

Ask the friend for the letter. Something isn't adding up. Regardless of how that comes out though you are not in a healthy relationship at all. You two need counseling if you want to continue in it.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Tell him that you are not comfortable having sex with somebody unless you have proof of STD testing. Period. That's your boundary.

He can either get you a copy of the letter and enjoy intimacy, or he can keep refusing and get none.

Period. Boundary set. He has no say. There is no need to argue about it or be passive aggressive. He has a choice in how he can react, but you are in control of you.

 

[EveHarrington]

@NaeNae75 and @EveHarrington you are so so right. It's not the sam...

You're right, it's bad to diagnose over the Internet! I'm just concerned about all of the manipulation on his part, and it seems like he's playing the perpetual victim. I'm thinking he has traits of borderline personality disorder but of course this doesn't mean he has a personality disorder as it's possible to have a few traits but not the full blown disorder.

 

[Goon]

@missy meier yeah I'm super suspicious to say the least. This happens on more than one...

Hey Hojay,
I was going through the same thing- the lack of taking responsibility and the isolation periods. However, my boyfriend never wanted to under go treatment of any sort. I struggled with him for 4 months and did walked in egg shells around him and helped him feel more relaxed.
But all I can say is that this irresponsible behavior got the best of me till I could take no more and I broke up with him last week.

Hope you find peace and make the right decision :)

Goon

 

[Gaining-clarity]

thank you @Sweetpea76 and @Casey_03 I also feel somewhat justified...

I was once married to someone something like that. He would always threaten suicide when he felt pressured in the relationship. He was depressed and other stuff. I always excused a lot of his behaviors by chalking it up to his troubles. He would use his troubles to justify his bad behavior. But after 8 years I came to the conclusion that he was just a bad character who had troubles.

I don't know your boyfriend at all, so I'm not saying anything about him. What I'm saying is that bad characters have troubles. The troubles are not always the reason for bad behavior. Sometimes there is just a bad character underneath it all.

 

[Goon]

I was once married to someone something like that. He would always threaten suicide when he fel...

Absolutely true! A bad character is a bad character with or without PTSD! Just have to recognise it.