I Worry He Won't Come Back

[Momofthree]

Ok so I have been seeing this guy for a few months now, he is wonderful. He understands PTSD even though he doesn't have it and he is very understanding. He has seen full melt downs and refuses to let me brake up with him when I am triggered even though I have tried more then once. He always tells me that if I still want to break up with him when I calm down he will understand but I'm not aloud to do it when I am panicking. He is great with the kids and respects all of my boundaries. We see each other 3-4 days a week and text good morning/ good night every day. The relationship is pretty much perfect. So here is the issue: every time a date ends or I don't hear from him for most of a day I worry that he won't come back. I don't have co-dependency issues (at least I don't think that I do), my T and I have discussed that and I am actually more on the opposite side. I am not afraid of commitment but am terrified of intimacy. Basically I can commit to someone or something without letting them into my heart. I only have about 5 people that I truly trust and he has become one of them. I don't act on these worries because I am positive they are in my head and not real, but I don't like feeling this way either. Is this something that is normal and if so how do I handle not freaking out and trusting that he isn't going to bolt every time he is out of my sight.

 

[Ghostybear73]

It could be you are reacting to a feeling you haven't received before. I think if I had someone who was that wonderful, I would worry that he wouldn't come back, especially being that I have PTSD. Or I would be paranoid and push him away because he deserves better, then worry he would not come back. (See the PTSD mind). Not helpful, but I wanted you to know you are not alone. :)

Glad you found this forum, hang in there and hopefully you find some answers!!

 

[Momofthree]

@Ghostybear73 That is actually very helpful. It validates that what I am feeling is the PTSD. I think you are right, I have never been in a healthy relationship before so this is a feeling I haven't received before. The PTSD mind tells me that he does deserve better and that I don't deserve something this good, so I worry it's 'too good to be true' and one its just going to end. Thank you for understanding.

 

[BlueOrange]

Yep.

Also, when worrying about him, I suggest that you think carefully about the evidence that comes from his behaviour. He seems like an unusually supportive person, and what you've learned to expect from other people might not be accurate in his case.