Relationship If he's not well enough to talk...

[Hojay]

that if we ever had an issue that we needed to talk about that we would sit together on the same lounge and hold hands and look into each others eyes while we discussed it.

Aaaand, that's where we can start feeling duped huh? Sad part is, I think they actually did believe that and had every intention of acting this way. Steep learning curve for us to see that what they want and what they can do are two veeery different things sometimes.

Eventually I said "Can I just go to the loo?!" His response verbatim was "Stop squawking! Its unbecoming."

Because the reality looks more like this. :(

Today I told my SO I'm sad and missing him. (We tell each other via text that we love and miss each other every day. Just today I put an emphasis on that point and he could tell I'm struggling too.) He said he knows how I feel, he misses me too, and we can talk tonight.

Lizard brain is feeling heard and supported, and is looking forward to having a nice, connecting talk tonight--maybe even a start to normalize things.

Experience brain is telling me to run for the hills. The chance of me having my feelings turned against me in this conversation are high. Or he will get triggered, the whole thing may escalate for him, upon which he may decide he doesn't want to/can be with me anymore.

So which one to listen to? If I run for the hills and don't share with him, he wouldn't even have a chance to be the person we both know he is. If I let myself go too much and speak my mind about how I feel, it could very well be a disaster. I know it's important to phrase my thoughts and feelings in I-statements and in non-accusatory ways, while also showing him that I love and support him. I just have no way of knowing what he will take as an accusation--so really it could all go either way.

Only sharing this because it goes well with the title of this thread. If he's not actually well enough to talk and hear and address my feelings, why would he offer to talk in the first place? I'm being unfair, I know. I know he WANTS to be there for me also and he's trying hard. I want to give him a chance to be that person and not shut down preemptively. That won't get us us anywhere. I'm just scared of an escalation. Even though I know it wouldn't be my fault, I do know I'd be sitting there thinking I should have just kept my trap shut about my feelings and not taken him up on his offer to talk about them. :(