I'm Not Sure If I Was Raped But It's Bothering Me.

[Osuja]

Ok, I need advice.
A year ago I was raped while drunk in my own home, and raped in the same manner back in 2011 so idk if I'm just being paranoid.
This weekend I had been at a good friend of mine's house with her fiancé and another couple, I'm always the lone wolf lol. I had some tequila, malt liquor, and a coors the person I think raped me had handed to me. I'm pretty sure it was closed but it's definitely the last memory I have of the night. I don't usually black out but this was my first time drinking liquor since I've started on Effexor XR and attarax.
So what makes me think I was raped? Well while everyone was outside I had been using the rest room, when I came out my friends fiancé was alone in the house with me we started to talk I can't remember about what but out of no where I remember him grabbing my face and trying to kiss me! I leaned back real quick to successfully avoid it pointed my finger at him and said nuh uh wtf is wrong with you?!?
He looked really surprised that I rejected his advance and begged me not to tell my friend, his fiancé. And I won't, because she has been through so much it would devastate her and honestly I'm not sure she would even believe me. So I agreed and we rejoined the group outside. As soon as I sat down he handed me a beer and said drink, not thinking I was like ok! And drank it an I don't remember ANYTHING after that.
I woke up the next morning on her couch under a blanket without my shoes. I was the first to wake up and went on a frantic search for my shoes I looked in every room but theirs.
The next day I text my friend hey I think I lost my shoes at your houses lol. She replies with "lol yeah I was wondering how the hell they got in my room! I don't even remember getting out of the shower!"
I'm like what you were in the shower who gave me a blanket?!? And she hasn't replied since.
Two days later I had an expulsion of what I believe to be male ejaculation. Sorry for tmi but ladies, you know the difference in sex discharge vs ovulation discharge and this smelt like sex. Yet I haven't had sex in over 2 weeks.
I sent him a self distructive message over Facebook. "Hey why were my shoes in your room did something happen that shouldn't have?" He read it but hasn't replied.
My stomach hurts so bad right now thinking about it but the thought won't go away. The last two times I was raped I woke up at least once during it this night I have absolutely no memory. I know from the last rape I take flight over fight and just pass out. The person that last year was actually said friends, best guy friend for many years. I just don't know what to think. And I know I will never know for sure now as I didn't go to the hospital because all of these things came to me very slowly... I just kinda want some opinions because I know most times I very paranoid about these kinds of things, and trust me. I am DONE with alcohol FOR GOOD.

 

[Vuru]

Such a tough situation to be in.

Usually when I have sex with my husband the ejaculate comes out pretty immediately. 2 days later seems like a really long time too me.

But, the complete blankness of your night...I've never taken Effexor or Attarax but I've had plenty to drink with other psych meds and never blacked out. Did you drink a lot or do you think he drugged you?

Super gross that he tried to kiss you.
Were your clothes disheveled or on incorrectly? Did you wake up knowing something was off?

So, with no memory or proof, what do you do? It's hard to accuse someone when all you have is an attempted kiss and shoes in another room. He will never admit to something happening. Telling your friend...up to you.
If you have a therapist...might be a good person to talk to...maybe they could help you piece the night together.

Please know I am in no way discrediting your feelings or your experience. I'm just looking at different angles and thinking of things that might help you remember.

 

[Fujer]

Honestly, I don't really see why you think you were raped. There were other explanations for your shoes being in the room and for him not answering. And I've never heard of ejaculate coming out two days later. That just sounds bizarre and like you being paranoid.

As for you blacking out -- to me it seems fairly obvious from what you've written that you're an alcoholic. Which would explain the blacking out -- you've just entered a more serious stage of alcohol dependency. (I say this as someone with way too much experience in alcohol abuse)

If you have been raped repeatedly while drunk, I think you should be focusing more on why you continue to drink than anything else. That's the real issue here - you need to admit you're an alcoholic.

 

[Duti]

I have a child and even before I gave birth my mate's ejaculation would not leave my body for a few days, it's sits there just like my blood from period does. don't be so F**king ignorant.
and because im sorry would you not like to know if you've been raped or not when the dude is living with both of you God daughters and either way I still have a right to know.
Your advice sucks D**K as I am already in services with MHMR for PTSD.
I have mental issues

 

[Ebop]

And I haven't f**king drank since thanksgiving and then in august before that

 

[Ici]

Such a tough situation to be in.

Usually when I have sex with my husband the ejaculate comes out pretty immediately. 2...

Yeah I knew something was off when I woke up I tried to ignore that feeling but as the day went on I became more and more depressed which of course could have just been a direct effect of alcohol consumption. I dreamed last night that this guy tried to kill me and my family, when I woke up I logged on to facebook to see that he had poked me, I didn't poke back so about 20 mins later he blocked me. That just isn't normal behavior in my opinion. I just want to know if I am over reacting and being paranoid, OR FOR MY OWN HEALTH BE SCREENED FOR STDs
you know what idk why I posted this I know the answer.
I'm going to the hospital for a rape kit ASAP, as I have not washed the panties I wore that night. Bringing those with me for sure.

 

[Hisan]

I'm not sure why you blatantly said in the title of this thread that you weren't sure if you were raped if you were already certain of it and prepared to hurl curse words and insults at anyone who dared to point out the harmful role alcohol is playing for you.


Everyone on this forum has problems. That doesn't give you an excuse to lash out at people who express their opinions.

 

[Ginaj]

Chances are you were raped.
I'm glad you've quit drinking, but apparently consuming any fluids around that guy, or even being around him, is a bad idea.

 

[Ajom]

I'm surprised at the level of anger in this thread. Clearly the OP just needs to have a calm and collected conversation about the scenario - get some support through this confusing situation. I can understand why she'd wonder whether or not something happened to her: 1. She was drunk, 2. She felt strange afterward (I don't think it's common, but also not uncommon for ejaculate to be expelled hours to days later) and 3. She has PTSD.

So, I'm glad you came here and all I can say is, go with your gut. Don't second guess yourself and better safe than sorry - a rape kit couldn't hurt, even to just sooth or prove your feelings about this situation.

All in all, that sounds like a bit of an unsafe environment, so next steps could be to protect yourself from people who, at the very least, give you the creeps in that way. Whether or not you have a problem with alcohol abuse I think is beside the point here. Your immediate concern is to get yourself checked out and into a safe, quiet environment to process. It will be ok.

 

[A D M I N]

To the OP - this forum is anonymous for users, but not for Administrators.

Your personal attacks have been edited. I've re-opened the thread.

Disagreement is a thing that happens here, and it (and bluntness) are both totally fine - but, the Anonymous forum doesn't exist so that members can attack each other without consequences. The rules still apply.

Thanks.

 

[Cawap]

I'm not sure why you blatantly said in the title of this thread that you weren't sure if you were raped if you were alre...

Lol again ignorance... no one reads all the way through.

 

[Cawap]

Can you just delete this theni don't

To the OP - this forum is anonymous for users, but not for Administrators.

Your personal attacks have been edited....

lol Idc I'm surprised you'd think I would remove this post then.