I'm straight right....?

[Sunnydays1]

Hi everyone,

First of all, I'm 39.
I've never been in a romantic relationship.
I only had female friends (platonic).
I talk with men casually, not intending to have a relationship.
Lately a friend asked me why I've never been with a guy, "are you a lesbian?" I was taken aback by her question, I said no I'm not, "are you asexual?" I said I most definitely not! I do have desires and feelings, I like men, everything about them, but I just can't be intimate with a man, or a woman, I flinch when a friend initiates a hug but I welcome it because I don't want to offend them.

My question is:
What do you think is wrong with me? I think I'm mostly straight, saying mostly because I liked the lesbian movie Carol, thought it's so romantic.
And I also liked the gay movie Brokeback Mountain.
Does it have to be a trauma for me to turn this way?

I felt offended by her question to be honest, for some reason.
I'm self conscious of what other people may think of me.

The honest reason why I've never been in a romantic relationship is: I don't want to be used that way. I didn't tell her that.

 

[Weemie]

What do you think is wrong with me?

There is nothing wrong with you, whether you are gay, straight or asexual. That person is behaving poorly, and crossing lines by interrogating you about your sexuality. It's none of anyone else's business what you do or don't do in the bedroom. Liking a "gay movie" doesn't make you gay. You probably have unresolved issues with trauma or attachment which is why it is difficult for you to endure touch - or you may have sensory issues (SPD, autism/ADHD, etc). You felt offended because her question was offensive.

 

[arfie]

maybe you are just you and fine just the way you are. i am what i am, by whatever definition.

my child prostitute remains bewildered by the need to define sexuality.
ya have sex with whoever the pimp sends you.
ya love whoever god sends you.

i'll pass on the sexual profiling. i am not at all sure my marriage could have survived 43 years of romance. romance seems to create very high divorce rates. it is far easier to marry the one you love than to love the one you marry.

 

[whiteraven]

What do you think is wrong with me?

Nothing. I am the same--never had any sort of an intimate relationship until I was in my 40s. Most people believe what society teaches: that we must be involved with someone or there is something wrong with us.

It's taken me a very long time to learn that society isn't always right.

 

[Muttly]

I was very similar too. Don't worry too much about labels or meeting other people's expectations. Try to focus on health and living a good life in whatever form that takes.

Also, like Whitehaven, I didn't have intimate relationships until my 40s. And unexpectedly a couple years ago, I found a good, healthy relationship and just got married. You have plenty of time (hopefully) to figure things out.

 

[Friday]

According to sex&sexuality research, it’s as rare to be heterosexual as it is to be homosexual. Teeny tiny percentages at the ends of a bisexual bell curve.

But that’s going off of pupillary & other unconscious reactions.

Me? I’m a 90s kid. You like who you like. No labels needed.

 

[Movingforward10]

Liking a movie is liking a movie.

If watching a movie confirmed sexuality, then I must be straight as most movies are!

Carol and Brokeback mountain are beautiful films! And made for a straight audience.

You know your sexuality from your sexual desires. Who and what you desire.

Struggling with intimacy and touch crosses all sexualities. There is nothing wrong with you, whatever sexuality you have. But if you feel you are missing out on something and this is hindering you in living a life you want, then that's the thing to work on.
Other people's perceptions of you or their expectations of what a woman should be doing relationship wise: not your problem. It's about how you feel about you.

And are you asking that lesbians are only lesbians because of trauma? If that is what you're asking, maybe question where you're getting that question from. Being gay is as natural as being straight. It's not born out of sexual trauma. If that were the case, the lesbian population would match the number of women who were sexually abused. And it doesn't.
Usually this question (one I haven't heard for a very long time, thankfully) comes out of prejudice and lack of awareness.

 

[Sunnydays1]

That person is behaving poorly, and crossing lines by interrogating you about your sexuality. It's none of anyone else's business what you do or don't do in the bedroom.

Yes I agree she crossed the line, but it made me think, and here I am writing about it!

You probably have unresolved issues with trauma or attachment which is why it is difficult for you to endure touch - or you may have sensory issues (SPD, autism/ADHD, etc).

I agree, I do have the sensory issues, not 100% sure about trauma.

You felt offended because her question was offensive.

Thanks Weemie for the validation :)

ya love whoever god sends you.

Sweet and innocent like you.

never had any sort of an intimate relationship until I was in my 40s.

This is encouraging.
I see myself eventually having a relationship, just not now, that's what I keep telling myself and others.

Try to focus on health and living a good life in whatever form that takes.

Thanks. That's what I'm doing :)

I didn't have intimate relationships until my 40s. And unexpectedly a couple years ago, I found a good, healthy relationship and just got married. You have plenty of time (hopefully) to figure things out.

I'm happy for you and wish you a happy life ahead.

You know your sexuality from your sexual desires. Who and what you desire.

I think I might be bisexual, I like both, I'm not sure, but this isn't my main concern. I'll explain..

But if you feel you are missing out on something and this is hindering you in living a life you want, then that's the thing to work on.

Yes I do sometimes feel like I'm missing out, and at the same time I don't want it.

Other people's perceptions of you or their expectations of what a woman should be doing relationship wise: not your problem. It's about how you feel about you.

Right on.

And are you asking that lesbians are only lesbians because of trauma?

No that wasn't what I meant, sorry I wasn't clear.
I was asking about myself, my case, that I've been avoiding intimate relationships of any kind, + social anxiety, how do I justify this (for myself) because I know it isn't healthy (to be alone) nor normal, does it have to be because of a past trauma related to intimacy?
I brought up the homosexual part based on my friend's assumptions.

 

[Aprilshowers]

Maybe you just haven't met the right person yet.

 

[Sunnydays1]

Maybe you just haven't met the right person yet.

The subject causes me anxiety
I’ll just let it be and focus on other things.