I'm stuck...

[tofubreadcoriander]

The weekend is almost over. How are you doing, @SeekingAfrica ?

 

[SeekingAfrica]

The weekend is almost over. How are you doing, @SeekingAfrica ?

Not great... I used to have sciatica for most of 2020 and go better after and today sitting hurts like crazy.
Could be all the time in the last month spent in bed when I couldn't cope, or could be anxiety turning all my nerves up. Which has turned into this massive migraine of the whole top front of my face.

Regardless, everything is pulsing, I'm running out of time and food.
I am trying to pull a couple more hours from the day.

I'm afraid at this rate I'll be done Tuesday night. Can only imagine the consequences of that, it's not going to be pretty.
Still not evicted though, so that's something. But there are too many payments to handle before the earliest possible I may receive pay,
I kinda wanna cry, but I'm trying not to so I can do a little more today.

 

[tofubreadcoriander]

Not great... I used to have sciatica for most of 2020 and go better after and today sitting hurts like crazy.
Could be all the time in the last month spent in bed when I couldn't cope, or could be anxiety turning all my nerves up. Which has turned into this massive migraine of the whole top front of my face.

Regardless, everything is pulsing, I'm running out of time and food.
I am trying to pull a couple more hours from the day.

I'm afraid at this rate I'll be done Tuesday night. Can only imagine the consequences of that, it's not going to be pretty.
Still not evicted though, so that's something. But there are too many payments to handle before the earliest possible I may receive pay,
I kinda wanna cry, but I'm trying not to so I can do a little more today.

Sorry to hear about your pain. Try breathing into it. If you take medications, is there a chance to take extra so you can complete sooner rather than later? You can address it afterwards.

Regarding the consequences, have you considered speaking (tomorrow, I presume) with the stakeholders telling them you'll be late (in case you won't be done by end of today)? They might be accommodating. Worst case is you find out they won't, and that's ok. We can only do our best.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Sorry to hear about your pain. Try breathing into it. If you take medications, is there a chance to take extra so you can complete sooner rather than later? You can address it afterwards.

Regarding the consequences, have you considered speaking (tomorrow, I presume) with the stakeholders telling them you'll be late (in case you won't be done by end of today)? They might be accommodating. Worst case is you find out they won't, and that's ok. We can only do our best.

Nothing I can take. Cream that hope will improve until early morning tomorrow, today I'm working at 5% capacity. Hoping after some sleep early morning might be better.

As far as consequences go: no, I don't forsee most of them being accomodating for many reasons. I'm really rethinking my phone though it's helping me in so many ways it's not a good idea. My best is awful right now. I don't know how I'll more forward. I'll take a beat tonight and hope I have really productive day tomorrow.

Also food is an issue from tomorrow. Food banks here deliver only through organisations and there's paperwork so not a day thing... and me cooking in this mental state is bad (though I mostly have just rice anyway so can't do much to screw it up). If I spend anything on food I'll be taking it out of the one thing I must pay which I will be short on anyway....

 

[tofubreadcoriander]

Nothing I can take. Cream that hope will improve until early morning tomorrow, today I'm working at 5% capacity. Hoping after some sleep early morning might be better.

That sounds like good self care.

As far as consequences go: no, I don't forsee most of them being accomodating for many reasons. I'm really rethinking my phone though it's helping me in so many ways it's not a good idea. My best is awful right now. I don't know how I'll more forward. I'll take a beat tonight and hope I have really productive day tomorrow.

Pounding your phone may help short term but it may also cut vital support. Sometimes we want more than our body can deliver and if we force it it'll just make things be worse (symptoms will develop and already existing ones will aggravate). Be gentle and kind with/to yourself.

Also food is an issue from tomorrow. Food banks here deliver only through organisations and there's paperwork so not a day thing... and me cooking in this mental state is bad (though I mostly have just rice anyway so can't do much to screw it up). If I spend anything on food I'll be taking it out of the one thing I must pay which I will be short on anyway....

I'm not sure how it's in your country but over here there's an organization that gives away food packages every morning during the week. Isn't there something similar in your city? So that you can schedule the food banks paperwork for later? Or at least a homeless cafe that gives food or sells food at a very low price? Here there's one that sells for €3 for a meal. Not sure if there's any paper required (I believe you just have to show up very early during the opening hours to claim a chair inside so you can eat otherwise it might be too late). I'd Google for these.

 

[Ecdysis]

Also food is an issue from tomorrow. Food banks here deliver only through organisations and there's paperwork so not a day thing...

Get in touch with some charities and homeless shelters... They should be able to help you with the paperwork... Many homeless people can't deal with paperwork themselves, from either being too ill to deal with it or illiterate or similar.

 

[Ecdysis]

I've been meaning to volunteer at the local food bank and the local charity clothing shop for ages, but have been too busy dealing with other things... This thread finally inspired me to send off an email today to both, saying that I want to volunteer.

I actually qualify for my local food bank, but have felt too much shame/ embarrassment about lining up there as a customer. But I have a friend who volunteers at her local food bank and she also qualifies for it, so she gets to put her bag of food aside quitely, in a low-key manner, while also helping out at the food bank at the same time. I think that's a pretty smart idea. So I'm hoping to be able to do the same.

Might be an option for you too, @SeekingAfrica ?

 

[abovedown]

I've been meaning to volunteer at the local food bank and the local charity clothing shop for ages, but have been too busy dealing with other things... This thread finally inspired me to send off an email today to both, saying that I want to volunteer.

I actually qualify for my local food bank, but have felt too much shame/ embarrassment about lining up there as a customer. But I have a friend who volunteers at her local food bank and she also qualifies for it, so she gets to put her bag of food aside quitely, in a low-key manner, while also helping out at the food bank at the same time. I think that's a pretty smart idea. So I'm hoping to be able to do the same.

Might be an option for you too, @SeekingAfrica ?

I have to say your friend's volunteering in a food bank in the midst of her own struggles is very inspirational and encouraging for me

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Get in touch with some charities and homeless shelters... They should be able to help you with the paperwork... Many homeless people can't deal with paperwork themselves, from either being too ill to deal with it or illiterate or similar.

I'm kind of screwed but also kind of okay with the food I think. To send the payment I have to I need to have a 20e minimum, that will then go to food.
Which is good since I am currently call anyone, I haven't rescheduled my library books because I'm too anxious at the moment....

However the payment I have to send will be... an issue since I'll be late with part of it probably. I feel like I'm breaking apart at the seams and I'm not sure what is real besides pressure anymore tbh.

saying that I want to volunteer.

So proud of you! That is a great thing to do for many people you will help.

so she gets to put her bag of food aside quitely, in a low-key manner,

Since the food is distributed to organisations and delivered door to door, it doesn't quite work that way even if I were to work there. I don't know, I'll research what I can do, but in the meantime I really need to fix some things before I fall flat on my face and add some gigantic problems to the already long list.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

My back is a little better, but not better enough. :( I'm officially working on the couch.

Also working as a concept has become much harder, not sure how to fix that.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Life is funny. I'm the most anxious I've been in 6 months...
I just talked through partial payment (60%) with few days delay on the rest about one of the payments I was scared about the most (short of rent/eviction)....
and I couldn't even call, that's how anxious I am... and the partial payment was approved and now I'm crying in relief... I got few more such exchanges ahead of me but it's a start. Everything is horribly hard right now but it turns out some things can still work and there are still wonderful people who would respond to honesty despite of everything....

I have a long few days ahead of me but this is a win. It's a start. It's something. Literally hurns but it's also a relief.
And I'm working on the couch but better than not working.

 

[abovedown]

Life is funny. I'm the most anxious I've been in 6 months...
I just talked through partial payment (60%) with few days delay on the rest about one of the payments I was scared about the most (short of rent/eviction)....
and I couldn't even call, that's how anxious I am... and the partial payment was approved and now I'm crying in relief... I got few more such exchanges ahead of me but it's a start. Everything is horribly hard right now but it turns out some things can still work and there are still wonderful people who would respond to honesty despite of everything....

I have a long few days ahead of me but this is a win. It's a start. It's something. Literally hurns but it's also a relief.
And I'm working on the couch but better than not working.

Take it one day at a time, one tasks at a time!